Viewing 27 posts - 1 through 27 (of 27 total)
  • Friday Funnies…..
  • huggis
    Free Member

    let’s have em…jokes preferred

    yorkshire89
    Free Member

    Stephen Hawking had his first date for 10 years last week. He came back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees.

    Apparently, she stood him up!

    Drac
    Full Member

    A woman is just getting out of the shower when there’s a knock at the door. She doesn’t have a towel at hand so she shouts, “Who is it?”

    “It’s the blind man”

    Realising the towel no longer matters, she opens the door.

    The blind man says, “Nice tits, love. Where do you want the blinds?”

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middling Edition

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middlin...
    Latest Singletrack Videos
    CaptainFlashheart
    Free Member

    Paul McCartney was really annoyed after the separation from Heather Mills. He said, “That’s the last time I go down on one knee. “

    IGMC.

    pirahna
    Free Member

    The inventor of predictive text has died.

    His funfair will be hello on sundial.

    huggis
    Free Member

    Tomorrow, it will be seven years since Jeremy Beadle died. We’re going to commemorate the date with a small finger buffet.

    makecoldplayhistory
    Free Member

    Jeremy Beadle’s got a tiny willy, but, on the other hand, it’s massive!

    HoratioHufnagel
    Free Member

    How can you tell if an Ant is male or female?
    Drop it into a jug of water.
    If it sinks, girl ant.
    If it floats, boy ant.

    huggis
    Free Member

    How can you tell if an Ant is male or female?
    Drop it into a jug of water.
    If it sinks, girl ant.
    If it floats, boy ant.

    That is the best joke I’ve heard in ages!

    Cougar
    Full Member

    In other news, a man who took BAA to court over baggage handling standards last year has lost his case.

    Cougar
    Full Member

    A woman is just getting out of the shower when there’s a knock at the door. She doesn’t have a towel at hand so she shouts, “Who is it?”

    “It’s the blind man”

    Don’t joke. Venetian blinds have saved humanity. Without them it would have been curtains for us all.

    tomhoward
    Full Member

    A Roman walks into a bar, holds 2 fingers up and says ‘five beers please mate’

    huggis
    Free Member

    Bought my missus a sheepskin burka. She’s now walking around like
    Mutton Dressed Islam.

    gravity-slave
    Free Member

    Don’t die a virgin. The terrorists are up there waiting for you.

    eskay
    Full Member

    I was in Paris last weekend with the missus on a romantic break. When walking down the Champs Elysees a load of cyclists came bombing down.

    They were swerving in and out of traffic shouting obscenities. We got called “puff, paedo!, *******! F**kmonkey, s**t arse, knob jockey, ****, ****er and more

    Turns out it was the Tourette’s de France.

    monkeysfeet
    Free Member

    Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vets.
    Vet says (in a thick yorkshire accent)” is it a ‘tom”
    Yorkshire man replies “nay vet, its in t’ waiting room”

    wwaswas
    Full Member

    surroundedbyhills
    Free Member

    Here’s a dirty one for you:

    Jock the Coalman.

    BigButSlimmerBloke
    Free Member

    How did the hipster burn his mouth?
    He sipped his coffee BEFORE it was cool.

    How do country folk find their sheep in the tall grass?
    Satisfying

    What did the leper tell the prostitute?
    Keep the tip

    globalti
    Free Member

    A bloke is walking around the town with a penguin when a policeman sees him.

    “Hey, you!” says the policeman. “Take that penguin to the zoo straight away!”

    The next day the policeman is out on patrol when he sees the same man with the penguin. “Oy, you!” he says. “I though I told you to take that penguin to the zoo? What do you think you’re doing?”

    “Well,” replies the bloke. “We did the zoo yesterday, the cinema today…. what else is there to do in this town?”

    rumple
    Free Member

    Here’s a bit of advice for you.

    Advi.

    Martin.B
    Free Member

    £12.99 for a Jordan wig that fits babies

    …… Its a small Price Toupee

    ThePinkster
    Full Member

    How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

    Put him into a microwave until his Bill Withers….

    OK, it’s not Friday any more but that one always makes me smile…

    TurnerGuy
    Free Member

    Jennifer Lopez exercising her constitutional right to bear arms:

    grenosteve
    Free Member

    eskay
    Full Member

    I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night. Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.

    rumple
    Free Member

    A limbo dancer walked into a bar….

    He came third.

Viewing 27 posts - 1 through 27 (of 27 total)

The topic ‘Friday Funnies…..’ is closed to new replies.

New deal added to Members Discounts