I have been incorrectly sent some nespresso pods that seem to have been flavoured, some vanilla some caramel. Personally I think I’d rather stick wasps in my shorts than drink these abominations of otherwise good coffee. But everyone’s different, and I know some folk happily pay good money for these. So I’m offering them free to a good poet.

Just write me a short poem, and I’ll send them to the best poet. (Best as Judged by my wife)
17 vanilla and 19 caramel are your prize. And I’ll even pay the postage. I just want to see them go to a good home rather straight in a recycling bag.

Ooh would rather like to try them myself. Unfortunately you’ve asked for a poem in exchange so I guess “I’m out”!

Actually, I’m just about to go into a 2hr meeting I’ve been dreading, so that’ll give me something to do. Will post my crap meeting inspired poetic efforts later for your delectation…

Jolsa wants some of your coffee
but can’t write poetry for toffee.
Please give him your spare nespresso pod
so he can join the flavoured drink squad.

There once was a young girl called Felicity,
Who couldn’t sit still as she was fidgety.
The cause was strong coffee,
Which she liked to have frothy.
Which caused her poo to escape with great velocity.

I should really apologise for that, but it was a particularly dull conference call I was on!

Wrong pods, bunch of sods.
MisterT hates vanilla
like a rocker hates mods

personally, I’d rather have tea
I’d even rather my knackers were wrapped round a tree

aeropress posse, your machine don’t impress me
I don’t do nespresso cuz I ain’t a big jessie
I just like a strong black cup o’ Joe
not that ersatz, syrupy shiz you know

There was a man called MisterT
Who received lots of free, posh coffee
It wasn’t ‘his bag’
So I’m on the blag
Cuz I’m fed up of drinking Nescafee
🙂

He likes good coffee
But buys flavoured Nespresso.
You be judge of that.

Coffee related, on topic, and a Haiku to boot.

(and yes, i also have a nespresso machine)

How about another haiku…

Coffee so awful
it can’t be given away!
not for me thank you

I have a nespresso machine but steer clear of the flavoured ones

Coffee filled bullet
From an evil corporate
With a flavouring on top
All the appeal
Of a cock flavored lollipop

Sorry.

coffee tastes like ass
they saw mistert coming
rookie mistake eh?

I’m quite enjoying this haiku lark. I think tomorrow I will reply to emails in haikus

Or as this may be written tomorrow…

replies to emails
written in haiku format.
too much time on hands

I like good coffee
I enjoy the caffeine hit
Taste your flavoured pods?
Comrade, you can suck it.

this poem is called “I’ve ran out of toilet roll”

one coffee
two coffee
three coffee
four
five coffee
six coffee
seven coffee
no more

I do like to drink a nice coffee
sometimes straight and sometimes quite frothy
my wife is a fan
but finds it too bland
so adds flavours of vanilla or toffee

The mug stands empty
A prize; cruelly out of reach
Senseless killing spree

flavoured nespresso;
only drunk by the people
who don’t like coffee

Supresso Nespresso
No Caramelitoo Nespresso
Supresso Nespresso
No Vanilio Nespresso

Watch the darkness flowing down
Hear the tone rising as the liquid fills the cup
Smell the aroma filling the air
Feel the vibration as the water is forced through the grinds
Taste… is subjective and user experience may vary

OP posts offer
STW gets hold of it;
predictable result

I’ll stop now

Who is this Northwind?
How dare he call me senseless?
*Adds name to the spree list*

Come back and STW has kicked off 🙂

Wandering children,
Middle of the movie,
Cat herding,
Eyes heavy.

That’s my meeting poem. Unlikely to be a coffee winner, but it got me through the last 2 hrs without having to resort to repeatedly banging my head on the table.

If we’re allowed non-coffee based ones…

writing a haiku
looking at darkening skies
ride home in the rain?

I think I may just reply to all STW threads with a haiku from now on. Seems like more fun

I think I may just reply to all STW threads with a haiku from now on. Seems like more fun

Given just about all STW threads are now rehashes of old ones, maybe we should create the stock answers in Haiku format.

26? Old hat.
650b’s where it’s at
Makes trails come alive.

What tyres for Swinley
Depending on the weather –
Nic front and Ralph rear.

how does my bike look?
tyres misaligned, colours awful
garden needs cutting

A fast ride today
Beat old man on a hybrid
Am a riding God

I really will stop now so I can ride home

You’ve got to see this –
It’s the best bike clip ever!
Watch out for the deer!!!!!!

Fenton! Fenton! Christ!
Fenton! Christ! Fenton! Fenton!
Jesus Christ! Fenton!

I want a new car.
You need an Octavia.
You fool! They’re shit.

haiku is basic
crap poetry by numbers
try a bit harder

There are some great entries here, and my MissesT will be judging tonight at Ten (10) pm UK timezone.
All entries received by this time will be considered, and this forum thread informed shortly after.
Keep em coming..
😆

Nespresso bean?
Vanilla 17?
Caramel 19?
I don’t want em,
Chuck em in the biiin

Shall I compare thee to a coffee bean?
Thou art more pod-like and more flavoured.

Forced to wait ’til ten.
Desperate to win, even
If the prize is shit.

Last Haiku
I shall write two more.
One for victory, one not.
Which one will you see?

Did that bloke just say caramel? Flavoured coffee’s funny,
Is it served to you by an alluring, strangely sexy cartoon bunny?
When you’re doing the vanilla one, and you’ve almost finished making it,
Do you add sauce and hundreds and thousands, and do you stick a flake in it?
I’m up for new experiences, flavoured coffee and what not,
So here’s my little poem – I thought I’d have a shot

😉

I considered your post
And put wasps in my shorts
The pain was just awful
Result was nob warts

I can see why you didn’t
I feel such a tit
I don’t drink nespresso
And this poem is shit

Thinking I’m suave like George Clooney,
And using a nice silver spooney,
I bought this machine,
Thinking ladies be keen,
But they say I look more like Wayne Rooney.

The boy stood on the burning deck,
His pocket full of crackers,
A spark went down his trouser leg,
And heated up his nespresso vanilla coffee pods to the correct temperature for a nice coffee.

There was a young lady from Ealing,
Who had a peculiar feeling,
She lay on her back,
And opened her crack,
Then pissed all over the vanilla coffee pods, who drinks this shit?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m gonna break your face,
I’m gonna break your face.

Nothing to do with coffee, just my favourite poem ever.
Can’t remember what film, Rocky 2 maybe?

Edit, was Police Squad, just as a thread starts about Police Squad.