Just got back from visiting my stepson, hes struggling.

Job, five days a week, check
Own place, mortgaged, check
Income vs Outgoings, no extra debts (yet)
Friends, hmm check, all attached tho*

The problem, if he doesnt change direction soon he is looking at alcholism, even if functioning for a while, he drives for a living so his job and house are right in the mix.

At present he lives for the weekend, Sunday is generally spent in bed, Monday-Thursday anything upto four cans/bottles (lager) Friday finish work and hit it. A conservative estimate is 25pints, minimal sleep and finally crashing back home sometime sunday morning.

*His behaviour during the binge is pretty bad, as expected for the pace of drinking, to the point friends are dropping by the wayside

He (says he) has nothing else to do. No hobbys, limited time/money(!) particularly during the week.

What can/do you do that acceptably uses up free time, costs next to nothing and doesnt (have to) involve drinking/pubs/clubs.

Only thing that springs to mind so far, sign him up for a marathon

Over to the STW mind.

he needs a woman! how old is he?

Mountain biking?

Has he had interests in the past?

23
yes he needs a woman.
choices and opportunities being rather limited by his lifestyle at the minute. last two relationships bit the dust due to his drinking

not ridden a bike since he was 17
the bike he had in his teens he sold just before he bought the flat
took him to BPW with his brother and hired them bikes about 2 yrs ago – nearly killed him. Fitness at present – zero

previous interests. played guitar for a bit
not an academic, not a particularly a gamer

First left-field idea that springs to mind – does he fancy a charity white collar boxing match? Something to focus on with a strong (very strong!) incentive to become fitter and healthier. What happens after is another thing, but it certainly focuses the mind…

He’s lucky he has someone who cares enough to be concerned.

I think finding your boy alternative sources of entertainment might only be one part of helping him with his drink problem. But since you asked, I reckon a marathon’s a great idea, as long as he actually wants it. Otherwise he’ll just give up and go to the pub?

Otherwise, gym maybe? Or (and bear with me because this is a bit out there) cycling? 🙂

Night classes, amateur dramatics, ramblers, biking, gardening, footy kickabout, canoe club in the local pool, airfix modelling, plane spotting. the trick is to find the one that sparks him, and if he a mate to go along with for the first couple of sessions it’s a great help too.

im liking charity boxing. especially the charity bit, could apply equally easily to the rambling/running/cycling suggestion, to provide a bit of early focus, reason to continue

the mate to go along with is also pretty key i think

hebden, agree its only part…..

Am Dram I do, marathon I have entered for, white coller boxing match I have fought – if you have any queries about any of that, I’m more than happy to help.

The thing about the boxing I think might help is that it’s very focusing – you don’t get far along before you realise that it’s a fairly high stakes game. Nothing serious, but you’re gonna get hit and it WILL hurt, so you have a very good incentive to train hard and put time into it. The charity aspect is great, socially beneficial and personally fulfilling, but I found the key thing was the whole standing on your own two feet, going mano a mano aspect. It’s not something that happens often in life (mine at least), good for perspective and stuff.

That’s sad – and concerning.
Does he want to change? You know what I’m getting at – if you ask him he may say ‘yes’ because he thinks it’s what you want to hear; has he ever said to you that he wants to change?
I get his comment about being unable to afford to get involved in a hobby – making some assumptions about cost of booze he’s swilling down at least £200/week so £10k or more in a year.
Alcohol is a depressant and is possibly fuelling how he feels – bit of a spiral?
There are some great suggestions on the thread and i would add swimming.
If his self esteem and fitness are both low a couple of sessions in the pool each week would help him to start recovering some fitness without much effort.
Is there a pool near him with adult swimming on a friday evening?
Could you get any of his ‘recently lost’ friends to talk with him about his behaviour? I know that’s a big ask but do they want to see him continue destroying himself.
Is his brother upto getting involved?
I really do wish you good luck with this.

23
yes he needs a woman.

Or a sex robot…

He is already an alcoholic. A high functioning one but an alcoholic non the less. Until he accepts this the downward spiral wall continue

He is also probably over the drink drive limit most mornings

Also if that is what he is reporting as drinking my bet would be its a lot more

How about get a home testing breathalyser kit and surprise him one morning. alcoholics sometimes react well to a shock as they dont realise how out of control it is until something smacks him in the face. Better you breathalyse him than the cops do.

Obtaining old copies of the cargos catalogue and scanning them in to Flickr…. Might need to tell him 1976, 85 and 86 are already out there…

What TJ says he’s already an alcoholic. He needs to go to AA or similar. Whilst he might need a woman, no woman needs to be in a relationship with him in his current state. FWIW I know a few functioning alcoholics, holding down very good jobs but it always amazes me how “close to the edge” they are. Also had a mum in kids class at school get caught for drink driving on the morning school run with her kids in the car. Your stepson will get caught maybe as a result of killing someone.

23 and already on the property ladder?

He’s doing one thing right at least.

23 and living for the weekend, hardly shocking, I’m sure most of us were like that and it most cases it also involved recreational drugs on top of the booze.
He has a mortgage and is debt free, in the next few years he will probably have a few relationships, meet new friends and change his social circle as he gets to 30 and indeed existing friends drop by the wayside. Isn’t that what most people do?

Tinder

Am Dram would kill two birds with one stone, it’d give him something to do and it’s a cracking way to meet fun ladies.

He doesn’t have to actually act either, he can just help out with sets and stuff.

“does he want to change?” he doesnt see the need to
you cant make someone go to AA or the GP, i have suggested it, but dont really want to hammer the point as its likely to have the opposite effect and push him further to denial.

“doing something right” he benefitted from a deposit sized inheritence from his grandparent death, it was a struggle stopping him spending it, but its now tied up in the property and he isnt paying rent. The mortgage is less than renting, but money is still tight. He will see the benefits in the future

“swimming” – good call, noted

“AM Dram” – the stage hand side might appeal, i will look further into that. The only ‘non-sport’ option so far!

Smaller groups tend to struggle for stage hands, sound and light folks, things like, as far as I can see. If he fancies treading the boards, blokes are far more scarse than ladies. 🙂

Hillwalking?

Less strenuous than cycling and it might expand his horizons a bit.

Would he consider counselling or at least visiting the GP to discuss his drinking?

Have you thought of taking him clubbing?

We all used to drink far too much when we were younger. Doesn’t everyone? Its just a right of passage surely?

But then we discovered acid house and ecstasy, and soon knocked the cooking lager on the head in favour of bottles of water to wash the Doves and New Yorkers down. 😀

Then you just grow out of that too, and progress to drinking too much wine while talking bollocks about politics

As Elton John famously observed in the theme to the Lion King…. “Its the circle of liiiiiiiiiiiiife…..”