I totally agree with Cinnamon girl. Having a lighter set up when your light makes a huge difference – especially in the wheels and forks. I used to have a rock lobster too, great steel frame just not quite right geometry for me (and I didn’t like the low BB). Now have a lovely ti frame and a very light set up – it’s great!
I reckon it’s worth sticking with what you’ve got for now though, but swapping the stem for an 80mm and if that doesn’t quite do it, maybe the 90mm. I personally wouldn’t go above that though as the trade off for control is too great imo. If the 90mm stem doesn’t work I’d be inclined to try a different frame, geometry is key and finding the right tt for me was the biggest factor (although the stem choice can influence this a lot).
Regarding the bars, I’m now on my third set of bars as I keep cutting them too short! (D’oh!) I think the whole smaller woman = narrower bars is stupid. Wide bars feel a bit weird to start with but they allow you to put a lot more power into steering, which when you’re light (and so often a bit weaker!) can make an even bigger difference! If you don’t trust me though, check out the thread I started a few weeks ago when asking for advice on what length to cut my bars to. 660mm is perfect for me but most people on here (general trail riders) seem to like them even wider.
Anyway, I don’t know if any of that is helpful, but those are the things that I’ve found to make the biggest difference to my riding.