Changed my name as we haven’t told anyone yet as it is still very early, but yesterday we found out we are expecting our first baby! We are both excited and scared, due to be married this year and we want kids, but it is a bit of a shock and I’m not sure how to feel about it all.

How did others feel, specifically from the guys point of view, when they found out about their first child?

Same as you – a combination of excited and WTF have we done?

It’s completely normal to feel like that.

Yeah ours was a ‘bit of a shock’ and “just happened” not long after were married – I don’t think I blinked for 3 months after I got the news, sort of go used to it as the Wife got bigger and bigger but nothing prepares you for the moment they arrive though – floored me, I cried, and cried some more – brilliant.

Felt sick to my stomach. Was working full time and doing a part time degree to try and restart a career, not what I’d planned or when, dragged all sorts of other issues to the fore. Really was a feeling of being terrifyingly out of control. Wanted to run away and hide, didn’t want to he that kind of shit dad.

12 years on, and now two kids,undoubtedly the best thing that has ever happened to me. No career, never enough money or time for what I want, but now I properly understand what I need. They are an ongoing mix of joy, amusement, delight, frustration and worry.

There was a good thread a couple of months ago about problems bonding with kids, really interesting and honest accounts from the dads on here. It will be ok in the end.

I was really excited when I found out. Like P-Jay says, it’s nothing like the moment they actually arrive. Spontaneous tears, happened both times. Brilliant.

We are both excited and scared

Yip. That about sums it up. I can’t remember who said it, but the best description I’ve heard of having your first kid arrive was:

“Its like being hit in the face with a mallet……..

but in a good way”

Oh, congratulations btw 🙂

Nothing really… it’s just one of them things that happens and you deal with. I don’t think you necessarily have to feel anything when you find out other than “oh…right…”

I shitted it for about a week after getting that news, but it wore off. Congratulations!

As a bloke I think we generally tend to have a bit of a moment, where the glaringly obvious cystalises in your mind…

“Christ! I’m not even capable of looking after myself!”

Congrats mate . Just enjoy it . Best to start getting all the sleep you can while you can because until the littleun is about 5 years old you won’t be getting any . 😆

Everyone will be offering you advice – both on there and (more pervasively) elsewhere. Ignore it. Or don’t. But it’s your kid – you get to do what you want. And cngratulations!

Oh, and if you speak to dads who wax lyrical about how they immediately felt a massive bond with the kid, and you see yours initially as an insomniac wailing crap-machine, don’t feel like a poor father – sometimes it takes time, but it will happen 🙂

Over the moon, she’s now 22, we have a fantastic father/daughter relationship, the bestest thing that ever happened, ever. 😀 I’m welling up just writing this. 😕
All the best.

Another excited and scared one here.
Re crapjumpers’s comment – I’m 2.5 years in and sleep is still an issue.
Good news though – bravo.

Congratulations!

We’d been trying for so long for our first that pregnancy was just moving on to another phase of worry and stress! The mallet in the face thing didn’t really happen until I was holding our boy in the delivery suite.

Two kids now having had no 2 in Feb. No free time, no sleep, tired all the time. Still the best thing ever 🙂

a combination of excited and WTF have we done?

“Christ! I’m not even capable of looking after myself!”

That’s good to know as I think these sum up my feelings at the moment. My parents have always said you are never ready for kids, they just happen and you deal with it.

The first thing I said yesterday, other than “Errrr wtf?” was “Im never going to finish building my bike now” 😉

We’d been trying for so long for our first that pregnancy was just moving on to another phase of worry and stress!

This is something that is playing on both our minds, although we want kids, this one wasn’t exactly planned and happened due to a “once” moment. But we have close friends and family who have been trying for a couple of years without success and we are now worried about celebrating in case we offend them. Dont want to feel like we are rubbing it in their face.

“Christ! I’m not even capable of looking after myself!”

^^ this for the first one!

15 years later and the feeling was totally different for the 2nd one (2nd Mrs Carbon), overjoyed but really scared at the same time following multiple misscarriages.

Found out at the weekend that the 3rd is due, we were told there was no possibility of further children, so we just thought that was that and were thankful for what we have. Now I feel nervous as hell again, worried whether this one will make it full term and arrive safely, but so happy that there is a possibility of another one and two of them can grow up together.

And congratulations! 😀

Immediately crapping yourself (figuratively) is pretty much the correct response. Any man who doesn’t either hasn’t fully grasped the seriousness of what he’s just been told or is a feckless weasel doesn’t intend to hang around to see this through.

Got 2 now, they’re pretty tough for the 6 months or so but then the personality starts to emerge and then they get funny and from then on they just get better and better.

Hang on in there, congratulations and good luck.

Oh… and congratulations. It really is the bestest thing ever. Kids are absolutely bloody ace*

And as far as the actual birth itself is concerned… like watching your favourite pub burn down 😉

* Disclaimer: apart from when they’re not, and you’d happily kill them with your bare hands

Terrified, confused, not ready for this, really not up for it, meh.

This continued to….errm present day (I took him back to University yesterday where he’s in his second year). I’m still amazed they let me have kids.

I just thought – “It had better be a boy!” 🙂

Dont want to feel like we are rubbing it in their face.

johndoh to the thread please!

Anyway, perfectly normal OP – it’s a bloody massive, life changing event. If you didn’t feel worried or unsure etc etc, you’d be some kind of emotionless freak!

Congrats and good luck!

A friend of mine was all positive and happy when his missus told him, then he got into his car, drove to a field and sat there screaming ‘why me!!’ And wishing it happened to one of us instead.
he wouldn’t have it any other way now.

Like an arcade game showing ” Game Over ” .

Fourteen years on & he’s the best thing that’s ever happened in my life though , bar none .

Congrats

Dont want to feel like we are rubbing it in their face.

Having been there (failed IVF and ended up adopting) we never resented anyone – well except for the friend who complained that looking after children was so difficult the day we got our last failed result …..

Awesome news, your life is now officially over 🙂

Nothing really… it’s just one of them things that happens and you deal with. I don’t think you necessarily have to feel anything when you find out other than “oh…right…”

This, pretty much. I used it as an excuse to get pissed 🙂

All became a bit more real as time went on, of course, but the initial reaction? Not a lot.

Mate, congratulations. Found out myself over Christmas – just changed profile for similar reasons.

For us it was very much hoped for, so am stoked. That being said its a pretty rocky road so far – she has been much more emotional and irritable – due to feeling sick and tired, as you would expect. You’ve just got to roll with it.

One thing I’ve noticed is that it has given me a deadline to put my house in order – pay off debts, lose a bit of weight, work harder at the job.

From now on copping-out isn’t an option.

First reaction was ‘oh, right. So what’s for tea?’
Got a bit more real after the first scan. I cried like a baby at the second scan when I saw the heartbeat and from then on its been a while roller coaster of emotions. He’s 5 on Friday. How on earth did that happen?

Oh, and you know that thing where you and the missus are on roughly equal footing? That just ended.

Here’s a list of importance in the house now.

1. Baby
2. Wife
3. Dog
4. Cat
5. Goldfish
6. You

And it’s really unlikely that at any point anyone will ask you if you’re ok throughout the pregnancy/birth. Nobody cares. Even your mum will ring up and the first words out her mouth will be an enquiry as to the wellbeing of your partner.

And it’s really unlikely that at any point anyone will ask you if you’re ok throughout the pregnancy/birth. Nobody cares. Even your mum will ring up and the first words out her mouth will be an enquiry as to the wellbeing of your partner.

This happened to me yesterday.

yeah… you could now start dressing as an 19th century European arch duke, and only travelling anywhere by walking on your hands. Nobody would notice. You are now officially irrelevant 😉

We were never relevant. We just thought we were. . .

“IT WORKS” were the first things out of my mouth.

I tell people how I feel, so pretty accurate.

It now needs to come out the right colour. I live in fear of a “Me, Myself and Irene” scenario.

My mums reaction to being told was “Oh,……..err, congratulations” as it dawned on her that I was probably going to be staying with the daughter in law she didn’t want!

+good metaphor binners! 🙂

+good metaphor binners!

Correction – simile.

I found out while sharing a B&B room with a lad who’d spend the journey from Mach down to Merthyr telling me how he and his wife couldn’t conceive.

I had a hunch why the other half called at 0730. I took the call in the bathroom.

How did I feel? What everyone else has said – amazed, confused, excited, nervous, scared.

We’re 18 months into being parents now. She’s effing ace (even she means I ride less than I used to). 🙂

stunned is how I felt. lost for words, not in either a good way or a bad way, just speechless.
it took time to truly sink in properly, it sort of happened by the osmosis process. slowly sinking in. everybody else gets way more excited when you tell them and you look at them and wonder why. over time you will begin to ‘get it’ and accept it as a good thing. It is, it just can take time to hit.

Then when the little one arrives youre expected to immediately bond with them. Sure you may cry and your heart will miss a beat but lots of guys it takes a while to come to terms with what has just happened. In fact some mums are the same.

But… after it seeps into yer brain what it means, however long that takes, it is THE best thing on the planet. Its fundamentally what we were born to do.

Oh and yes, sure read everything on here, online, then do it your way. A healthy pinch of salt whenever you read anything. you’ll muddle through don’t worry.