Does anyone here have experience of fostering they would like to share? Been thinking about it for a while now and would like to hear the good and the bad as it were.

My in laws are foster parents, looks like one of the most rewarding and frustrating jobs going.

So far they’ve had two lots of kids. First completely ruined them, they had to tell the social workers they couldn’t handle it any more. the child was both physically and mentally ruining them. It reignited (need of a better word here) my mother in-laws bad up bringing so be prepared for stuff like that.

They almost quit but now have three kids which are now just physically exhausting. They originally only agreed to the three kids for a couple of months whilst their case went to court, that was nearly a year ago so be prepared for when the social workers say it’ll only be X amount that it may be a lot longer. Having said that it’s great seeing the positive impact my in-laws are having on their lives.

Hi Klunk.
Been working with Foster Carers for a long time happy to have a conversation with you about the reality of what can be a great thing to do and not without its challenges. Andy

We have three foster kids. All siblings. 12,11 and 3 year old and they’re bloody brilliant.
My OH had been fostering for a while before we met and mainly looked after babies and toddlers usually for two or three years before they either went on for adoption or back to parents.
The three we look after now have been with us for a couple of years and will be here long term thankfully.

I used to be a foster carer and quite enjoyed it overall, finding it very rewarding.

Lots of foster carers will tell you horror stories of the child who stole stuff, wrote on the walls, pooed in the bed etc, but imho the hardest bit is when they leave. You can get quite emotionally attached to them over the time they are with you and then, bam, court decides their grandparents can look after them (or similar) and before you know it they’re gone (often within the same day).

We found it tricky to do with us both working, social workers expect you to drop everything and take children to meetings during the day, or for you to turn up at a school in the next town to collect new children at 3.30 etc. Depending on how you do it (short term or long term) it might not work out financially. We had social workers drop off siblings with no spare clothes, toys, pjs, not even a toothbrush and we were expected to provide everything. After school care can be a bit of an issue, any carer has to be social services approved, you can’t get your parents to look after the children for an hour or so. Some social workers were great, but some did lack a bit of common sense and didn’t provide much support to foster carers, hence the large turnover of carers.

If you contact your local social services they could probably put you in touch with some local foster carers who you can visit for a chat about the pros & cons.

I did it about 15 years ago so maybe it has changed a bit and it was certainly different with different local authorities. If you are thinking of adopting then fostering is a good introduction, once we were approved as foster carers we used to be sent magazines like ‘family finder’ with details of lots of children looking for a new family – quite heartbreaking in some ways.

My in laws are foster parents

No, they are not. It is important to understand that you become a foster CARER, you are not a parent. A parent puts a child on their lap to read them a bedtime story, a carer sits next to the child. With a foster carer bedtime stories are not read in the bedroom, the bedroom is for sleeping, nothing else. A lot of the children are still in touch with their birth parents, you are not replacement parents, you are foster carers.

Just a note to say hats off to anyone doing this, supporting it or considering it. Having been a parent of now adult children and how challenging that can be to do so on a foster basis and with kids who may have had a tough life to date is pretty amazing

Lots of things really….

No matter how competent you are (as a couple or single) you can’t do it on your own. You need good support from social work and from your family and friends.

For whom you foster for is crucial. Some Local Authorities are great – they give excellent training and a high level of backup along with ongoing support/more training. Some LAs are terrible. Likewise some agencies, like Bernados, are really good but most are not.

If you’re serious. Invite both the council and Bernados to come and speak to you then you could gauge if they sound any good. Also bear in mind that agencies tend to get the kids that the authority can’t home so you might get more difficult placements coupled with the generally lower level of support most agencies give you.

Try and speak to foster carers who work for the council/agency you’re considering to really find out if they’re any good.

You can do it as a career. Skills payments along with allowances for the kids add up to enough for one person to stay at home full time and deal with all the cr*p that comes with it. The level of remuneration in no way compensates for the amount of aggro – but that’s not why you’re doing it.

It can be great. It can be a pain in the a**e but it’s definitely worth doing for the greater good. Even the worst kids who give you the hardest time can still take away something good from their stay with you – even if they don’t know it at the time!

MrsMC is a social worker and has sat on the panel that approves foster carers. If you have any particular questions, my email is in my profile and I’ll see if she can get back to you.

Though she is currently trying to finish a court report due in tomorrow. Which she has been working on solidly for the three hours since she got home. 🙄

The kids will be brilliant. It’s the social services and schools you may have problems with. 🙁

I’ve been a foster carer for 14yrs, my experience has been a positive one..