Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 117 total)
  • First date on Thursday – Surefire ultra smooth chat advice required
  • philconsequence
    Free Member

    advice we can all live by:

    Tony: “This book says that women respond to three things. That’s flattery, the protection that only a bloke can give, and a sense of humor.”

    Gary: “I see. So your best chat up line would be, “‘ello tits, I’ve got a shooter in me pocket, how many prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb?”

    BillMC
    Full Member

    And ofcourse we must get a blow by blow account of the evening’s proceedings.

    bravohotel8er
    Free Member

    I was considering hiring a local street urchin to stage a fake mugging, I would then embrace my inner Charles Bronson and send the aforementioned scamp on his way.

    Later on I could stroke a puppy or something, thereby embracing my inner Rolf Harris.

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middling Edition

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middlin...
    Latest Singletrack Videos
    rOcKeTdOg
    Full Member

    You’ve opened up an interesting side issue.

    It’s sometimes said that women show undue interest in a man’s choice of footwear, apparently they can glean way more information from this than any enhanced CRB check.

    With that in mind, I intend to wear Clarks Desert Boots. So, laydeez…will this lead to sex within the hour or tears before bedtime?

    indeed but asking if she takes a similar size to you and saying you could probably squeeze into her heels should be left for the 2nd date (or ignore it and wait until she leaves you alone in her house)

    bravohotel8er
    Free Member

    #
    BillMC – Member

    And ofcourse we must get a blow by blow account of the evening’s proceedings.
    Posted 1 minute ago # Report-Post

    If it gets to the blow stage on the first date, I’ll organise a live stream.

    barnsleymitch
    Free Member

    You should start off with a compliment – “that’s a lovely blouse madam” or something along those lines. Then perhaps you could do an erotic dance to accompany the starters. If all else fails, you could burst into tears and write “help me” in your own faeces on the wall. HTH.

    philconsequence
    Free Member

    no idea if this is safe for work….

    get some practice in before the date!

    Torminalis
    Free Member

    Chances are that you will not be taking this woman to bed, so ensure you touch her as much and as intimately over dinner as possible so you have something to think about later while you are having a consolatory crank.

    barnsleymitch
    Free Member

    After giving this some more thought, I think you should just chin the wine waiter when he comes to your table. Really hard, and then laugh like a Bond villain. I am assured that ladies enjoy that sort of thing.

    bravohotel8er
    Free Member

    Tragically, I’m well acquainted with ‘Ariane’.

    😳

    TheSouthernYeti
    Free Member

    Good to have you back Mitch!

    barnsleymitch
    Free Member

    Hello my love! Been a bit busy lately wrestling lunatics, but hey ho, every day a new adventure!

    bravohotel8er
    Free Member

    barnsleymitch – Member

    After giving this some more thought, I think you should just chin the wine waiter when he comes to your table.

    That should convince her that I’m soave.

    TAXI!

    TheSouthernYeti
    Free Member

    Been a bit busy lately wrestling lunatics

    The you take some down time on here??

    New job going well?

    cinnamon_girl
    Full Member

    This thread is hilarious. 😆

    barnsleymitch
    Free Member

    BH – I’ve just had a word with Mrs Mitch, and she’s started knitting you a lovely dating suit. It’s an all in one number, brown with a cream stripe, and an open crotch to let your cockleshell bay peep out whilst you eat your dinner. No need for chat up lines once you’re wearing that bad boy!

    Torminalis
    Free Member

    Turn up in full dayglo lycra. Pretend you have just finished a very long bike ride, women go mad for that shit.

    philconsequence
    Free Member

    @b’mitch….

    @BH…. how well do you know ariane? 😆

    hora
    Free Member

    Tell her about your ex’s in detail.

    That should do it.

    barnsleymitch
    Free Member

    You could tell her, in minute detail, about which tyres youre currently using, and just as she’s falling asleep, make a sudden and unexpected lunge for her bazoomers, whilst bellowing like an enraged gibbon.

    TheSouthernYeti
    Free Member

    Slight aside… I started a thread the other day about a girl who wants to go for a date, but turned out to be due to drop in a month or so… thought I’d let her down gently… ignored her for a bit, etc… last night she sent me a picture of her bed?! That’s normal behaviour… right?

    philconsequence
    Free Member

    completely normal 😐

    i think she wants you to climb aboard!

    TheSouthernYeti
    Free Member

    If her bed had looked like that I’d have set aside my reservations about her well being.

    bravohotel8er
    Free Member

    @BH…. how well do you know ariane?

    Well, I ‘had’ her in the back of her Jeep.

    That was probably the highlight of my sex life* in early 2008.

    *That seems like a rather grandiose term for gazing at women on public transport.

    BillMC
    Full Member

    “Last time I ate here that young waitress gave me a lovely semillon.”

    hughjardon
    Free Member

    Seaman Stains?

    rOcKeTdOg
    Full Member

    last night she sent me a picture of her bed?! That’s normal behaviour… right?

    i had one sent to me of an open bed with two pairs of scanty panties on it and asking me to choose which pair she should wear

    her name was Jo King (so unlikely it’s gotta be true!)

    barnsleymitch
    Free Member

    I’m liking that bed phil. Mine, unfortunately, looks like an old wheelbarrow. To be perfectly frank, it is an old wheelbarrow, with a bit of hay in the bottom. In the shed.

    TheSouthernYeti
    Free Member

    RD… was she heavily pregnant?

    Actually, I’ve just realised that she told me she can put any guys name she wants on the birth certificate… that’s not true.. is it?!

    barnsleymitch
    Free Member

    More to the point, it was in yeti’s shed, but I still think of it as mine. Our’s, in fact.

    Torminalis
    Free Member

    I’ve just realised that she told me she can put any guys name she wants on the birth certificate

    I think you are missing out on a wonderful opportunity.

    TheSouthernYeti
    Free Member

    I’ve got some new felt for the roof mitch.

    barnsleymitch
    Free Member

    Luxury! I kinda miss the barrow of love, but that spider was a bit scary. And the biscuits you left out were always stale, with all the cream licked out of the custard creams. Aw who am I kidding, I’m on my way back! (starts shoving his knitted stalking suit in an aldi carrier bag).

    TheSouthernYeti
    Free Member

    I let the spider move into the house after you left, it looked lonely and it’s the only thing I’ve got that makes me feel close to you 😥

    barnsleymitch
    Free Member

    I’ll be back hiding in the loft before you know it. Or one of the kitchen cupboards. “Every breath you take…”

    TheSouthernYeti
    Free Member

    Ahh-wooo… It’s like Shakira, but Sexy!

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dWB4dyl-lw[/video]

    molgrips
    Free Member

    I returned from a bike ride wearing full lycra one day a long time ago. My GF of the time (who had yet to see me suited up) was sitting around with my female housemate. The housemate had previously commented on me looking sexy in my cycling gear and had consequently boosted my ego. My GF however collapsed in fits of laughter.

    bravohotel8er
    Free Member

    http://tinyurl.com/458q7dl

    Right, shirt advice now…

    Is this Brokeback Mountain or Heartbreak Ridge?

    As a guide, I want to look like a semi-formal faux lumberjack who may or may not have experimented with my sexual orientation.

    philconsequence
    Free Member

    back to BH’s date chaps!!

    EDIT – 47 seconds faster than me BH!

    this is what you should wear:

    duckman
    Full Member

    Back to the op,show how considerate you are.Don’t shake her hand upon arrival. Explain it is because you stopped off for a shovel,sacks and a bag of quicklime,which burst over your hands.She will be impressed by how caring you are and will watch your every move and listen to every word you say VERY closely

Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 117 total)

The topic ‘First date on Thursday – Surefire ultra smooth chat advice required’ is closed to new replies.