As the title states really and where better to ask than STW, home of
the internet’s smoothest operators?

I thought I’d kick off with a case by case deconstruction of where it went wrong with my exes (It’s not me, it’s you). Then a brief run down on my strengths (I have never been wrong. Other than on one occasion when I thought I was wrong, but it turned out that I was mistaken and was in fact right) and weaknesses (hayfever). Finally I was going to launch into a medley of my favourite scenes from Last of the Summer Wine.

Comedy answers positively encouraged.

From the thread title, I thought you were dating a flashlight (thats torch in English!) anorak enthusiast.

Does your dad own a brewery? (I’ve left out the first line of that chorus.)

Is this the yuppie flu girl?

QUOTE:
deadlydarcy – Member

Is this the yuppie flu girl?
UNQUOTE.

That’s the bunny.

Not that I’ll be referring to ME as ‘yuppy flu’, I fear that doing so might hamper my progress somewhat!

:p

Well, take heart in the knowledge that if she yawns, it won’t necessarily be because you’re boring her. 😛

Personally if I like a girl I try and get the conversation on to my favourite hobby… stalking. That way she knows that I’ll see her again…

Where are you going for your first date?

ps. just worked out your name LOL (I always read it as though you were in the hotel trade!) do you not like sand or is it bee..aatches you don’t like?

girls love skids.

and they love superman… so wear your soiled Y fronts outside your chinos?

Q. do you like baked beans on toast

A.1 yes i love them….stick around

A.2 no i hate them…..walk out, worth it for the look on the girls face

i’ve seen it done and done it myself, hilarious (and yes i saw her for a few months after

the moral: do something unique they’ve never heard/seen before, make an impression

if your impression is of Jimmy Crankey… all the better.

The Southern Yeti – Member

Personally if I like a girl I try and get the conversation on to my favourite hobby… stalking. That way she knows that I’ll see her again…

I preferred it when we used to refer to that as ‘people watching’ and I said as much to the judge.

If you look like this then you dont even need to open your mouth she’ll be so “hot for you”

‘people watching’

You wouldn’t believe the number of girls that do list this as a past-time. Now I know where lil Thumper has gone! 😥

philconsequence – Member

If you look like this then you dont even need to open your mouth she’ll be so “hot for you”

I’d cut the sleeves off that jacket and team it with my Anthrax tee shirt for a winning combo.

Phil – is that jacket available in suede?

I think you should spend the next couple of days researching, hiding in the bushes outside her house making notes on all her movements, and getting personal with any underwear she puts out on the line.
Then you would be able to ask her questions about her, like who was that bloke she was chatting to yesterday at 15:34 and 23 seconds? and does she have any small sexy panties?

The Southern Yeti – Member

‘people watching’

You wouldn’t believe the number of girls that do list this as a past-time. Now I know where lil Thumper has gone!

I’ve been on Plenty of Fish long enough to know that their favourite hobby is ‘going out and staying in’.

I can never decide which of these I prefer. As a result, I spend a lot of time standing in the porch.

It is common to end up talking about what you have been up to that day / week.

Make sure you have done interesting things.
avoid spending the day being: a loser, pervy, a geek, dull, as this will come across in the general conversation.

Good luck.

MSP – it’s raining at the moment… and she’s got a tumble dryer…

it’s raining at the moment… and she’s got a tumble dryer…

dont do it yeti! you’ll end up all fluffy!

Phil… that looks like an almost perfect talc applicator!

fill yourself with bowel-loosening coffee, and just say whatever comes into your head…

The Southern Yeti – Member

MSP – it’s raining at the moment… and she’s got a tumble dryer…

bravohotel8er, you need to have a word with TSY, it appears he has already “researched” this girl and may have information to your advantage, or at least a pair of her worn panties that you could wear and impress her with.

MSP – Member

The Southern Yeti – Member

MSP – it’s raining at the moment… and she’s got a tumble dryer…

bravohotel8er, you need to have a word with TSY, it appears he has already “researched” this girl and may have information to your advantage, or at least a pair of her worn panties that you could wear and impress her with.

I’ll PM him in a minute to compare notes.

And by notes, I mean underwear.

I’ll send you a picture… do you mind if I’m still in the underwear?

#
The Southern Yeti – Member

I’ll send you a picture… do you mind if I’m still in the underwear?
Posted 52 seconds ago # Report-Post

Not at all.

Actually, may I be so bold as to offer a serving suggestion?

Reclining against a tumble drier with one hand on your spam javelin, the other massaging Angel Delight* into your chest.

*Butterscotch if available.

Have you been ‘people watching’ me??

Heavens no, that’s all so 2010.

I call it ‘freelance urban surveillance’

spend the whole date asking questions about her (girls love to talk about themselves)…

how old are you?
when’s your birthday?
what’s your credit card number and 3 digit security code?
how many times a day do you use the toilet?
have you ever had a thing for one of your female friends?
if you had to describe yourself in 300 words, what type of farmyard animal would you like to share a banana split with?
what’s the worst thing you’ve done to another human and do you realise god will punish you?

that kinda thing….

then spend the whole time writing in a little notepad that you kind of shield from her, if she asks why you’re writing her answers down… stay silent. eventually she’ll snap and grab the notebook off you and see that you’ve been drawing a stickman tea party – guest of honour being Dr Schwartzingy your imaginary psychiatrist.

Stifling genuine laughter here… take your sense of humour, you’ll be fine.
If she doesn’t appreciate it… as long as you’ve got a beard, moobs, and waxed legs… drop me a line…

Butterscotch? Pervert!

i always find “those are great shoes/boots etc you are wearing, i have a bit of a fetish for shoes” is a great conversation starter

The Southern Yeti – Member

Stifling genuine laughter here… take your sense of humour, you’ll be fine.
If she doesn’t appreciate it… as long as you’ve got a beard, moobs, and waxed legs… drop me a line…

Beard – Yes.
Moobs – No.
Waxed legs – Sort of.

I’ll send you a fax.

This thread has brightened my morning and given a cornocopia of practical guidance on the human condition. I am now beginning to see the error of my ways. Praise be.

Super,

In the meantime… go and buy an engagement ring… just incase you decide to propose to her.

#
rOcKeTdOg – Member

i always find “those are great shoes/boots etc you are wearing, i have a bit of a fetish for shoes” is a great conversation starter
Posted 1 minute ago # Report-Post

You’ve opened up an interesting side issue.

It’s sometimes said that women show undue interest in a man’s choice of footwear, apparently they can glean way more information from this than any enhanced CRB check.

With that in mind, I intend to wear Clarks Desert Boots. So, laydeez…will this lead to sex within the hour or tears before bedtime?

real men propose using onion rings straight from the fryer, if she winces at the pain then she’s surely going to struggle in the bedroom?

philconsequence – Member

real men propose using onion rings straight from the fryer, if she winces at the pain then she’s surely going to struggle in the bedroom?

*makes mental note to ensure she leaves with a well battered ring*

At some point I’m going to go on a date and be the horror stories that all the girls I’ve dated recently have told me about….

Whilst women like the tough guy protector type, they also like a sense of vulnerability… make sure you find something to cry about… the treatment of poor defenceless animals possibly… but better would be your desperation to be a father. Sure fire winner!