Feeling quite lonely and low at the moment.
Been on a low spot with my depression for what feels like a long time recently. Usually my depression will come in short bursts but this one is weeks now.
Stressed with work, stressed with captaining my hockey team and tonight I’ve just seen that my ex has just gotten engaged.
There’s no residual love there, but it’s making me feel that life is passing me by.
I’ve had the odd date here and there since my last girlfriend but nothing has come of them. I get a fair amount of interest from women on dating sites, but I get anxiety when I match with someone and will then hold back from getting in contact. The more interesting i find them, the more I hold back from getting in touch.
There’s a little bit of catharsis in admitting I have an issue, but I’m not sure what to do about it.
What also doesn’t help is that I had Monday booked off to go ride my bike but I now need to go in to do my bit of assessing a major tender.

Could do with a bit of Kermodian assurance that things will be alright and maybe some good suggestions for conversation openers with the ladies

There’s a little bit[b]MASSIVE TRUCKLOAD[/b] of catharsis in admitting I have an issue

FTFY.

The first step has been well and truly taken. Talking.

KEEP
TALKING

No harm in letting potential dates know that you’re a little shy and would they please bear with you.

Conversation? Ask questions. Then listen. Doesn’t have to be about anything much. Work, what they like to do, where’s the best place they’ve ever been, what would they do with a million pounds, it doesn’t matter.

Better still, you say you find them interesting. Well ask them about the thing that interests you about them (unless it’s their tits).

You’re just giving them the opportunity to open up and relax in the company of someone who finds them interesting and cares what they have to say.

Oh and delete your ex and her circle from your Facebook. Or just delete Facebook.

I’m married to a lovely ,gorgeous caring woman.
I am officially the patron saint of lost causes.
Just wait for the wheels to turn your way. Hang on in there ,every day is a day nearer.

love the advice from hebdencyclist…..follow that and you’ll not go far wrong! Start each day in a positive matter, after all life is what you make it, play games (yes game is my favorite, agree toeverything!) along the way and enjoy your existence and connect to people.

happy trails! 🙂

Oh and delete your ex and her circle from your Facebook. Or just delete Facebook.

Far too many mutual friends to do that, she didn’t have many when we started going out and I introduced her to all of mine. It was an amicable breakup and her getting engaged isn’t my issue, more how it has made me feel generally with everything else. I don’t miss the relationship with her, I miss being in a relationship

Hey buddy. As Capt FH says, keep talking. There are a lot of people on here willing to listen and help where they can. Apart from admitting that you have an issue, have you spoken to any professionals about the depression?

Personally, I’ve never suffered with depression but I can fully relate to life passing you by – Christmas 2006 was my low point as I was late 20s, I’d lost my job and was and sleeping on the floor of my flat in a sleeping bag and roll mat as my flat mate had taken every single bit of her furniture to her boyfriends as they were about to get married (plus my bed had broken). All my friends were in well paid graduate jobs and getting married and I was moving back in with my parents. For the next 18 months I hated life and ranted to myself in a diary. Looking back on it now, the stuff I wrote was pretty poisonous, self destructive and is a bit scary to read now. However, eventually I spoke to someone about it and admitted there was an issue, just as you have above, and with some encouragement I made some changes which made me a lot happier. 10 years later I’m happily married. Funnily enough I met her on a dating website.

In short, keep talking. Reach out to friends, be that on here or in your personal life, and believe that things will improve.

Oh my **** god is it going to be alright!!!!!

Nice one for coming on here and chatting about it. Good job, well done! 🙂

Don’t worry about conversation openers, just ask people how they are doing and reply with about whats going on with your life. Everyone super notices when you try too hard, so don’t bother and have a good old chit-chat, it’s all people ever want to hear anyway 😉

Oh and Hebden’s post reminded me about the best bit of advice I’ve ever had about dating: make it your aim to get to the end of the date knowing everything about her but without her knowing anything about you. If you succeed, you’ll have spent the evening being thoroughly interested in her and talking about her interests and she’ll be intrigued to know more about this enigma of a lovely guy!

It worked for me. 😀

Stand down from being captain ? I am sure the club would understand and get back to the enjoyment of just playing.

Internet dating is tough, I have never done it myself but sat with a mate a few times while he was checking things. My point is it takes a lot of strength and courage to even get to where you are. As for conversation openers just be yourself and ask a few questions, if you’ve been emailing each other there must be something in the exchange that you’ve liked or a topic that’s interested you. Ask about those.

Best of luck and keep sharing on here. It’s one of the very best things about STW, there are a lot generous caring peole here and people who have been through stuff and out the other side,

Yeah – internet dating is hard because you find out exactly your worth in the market place! But that in itself is a worthwhile outcome.

You will have dates. There will be wonderful, interesting, beautiful women. There will be inadequate weirdos. There will be sex. Lots of sex. And you will, sooner or later, find someone you want to make a go of it with.

OP, keep going and as many have already said, keep talking.

Can you rearrange your day off? It’s important to spend time doing things that you enjoy.

I have been affected by depression and I’m getting better at spotting the early signs and acting to stop the rot from setting in. Go and speak to your GP, it was the best thing I did. Also don’t be afraid to take a step back from responsibility inorder to recharge and get yourself ready to take on the world again.

You’ve done well to come on here and talk about it.

I would definitely think about avoiding some of the stresses you can – like captaining the hockey team.

With the dating stuff, there’s not much I can suggest other than keep at it and as suggested above, being up front about your shyness…

Take care and keep us posted!

You’ve done well to come on here and talk about it.

I would definitely think about avoiding some of the stresses you can – like captaining the hockey team.

With the dating stuff, there’s not much I can suggest other than keep at it and as suggested above, being up front about your shyness…

Take care and keep us posted!

Thank you all, it’s very much appreciated that you’ve taken the time to message.
I’m going to book an appointment with my GP tomorrow. I’ve never had professional help but it’s time I think

Seems there’s a lot of this going round at the moment.
Good luck mate.

ip I think that’s important to understand many people go through this. As an aside there is a seasonal element too, change of weather and seasons can bring these feelings to a head.

@jamby
Yep I think that’s a contributing factor as well, I do suffer each year from SAD but where I’m at right now is way beyond how that usually feels.

It will be alright in the end. And if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.

HTH

More seriously, great advice up there. If you want other great advice have a look through my lists and threads over the last 18 months. Lots of us have been there, or are still there.

Except the internet dating thing. MrsMC wouldn’t approve if I tried that.

Definitely the season for depression. Have you tried any herbal supplements? 5-HTP, St John’s Wart, general multivitamin?

About the ladyfriend issue, it all comes down to confidence and not getting hung up on yourself. You can learn a load of pickup lines, over-analyse the situation and such, but at the end of the day, most women just want a confident man who is comfortable in his own skin and has some interest or interests for which he is passionate about. I had hopeless luck with women in my teens and early 20s, but as soon as I took the focus away from women and directed them towards my passions (at the time that was DJing) the offers started flooding in. I’ve now been together with the significant other for 5 years, including 2 years doing long distance.

Oh, and stay away from the pickup artist / “game” self-help books. Any woman worth dating can see through that rubbish.

I gave up on “dating” in my mid 20s, decided to just do things I enjoyed and stop stressing. Went on a charity walk up Ben Nevis and met MrsMC on the trip. 22 years and 2 kids ago….

Firstly, to echo everyone else, well done for speaking up. Some of us have had a lifetime of regret for being buttoned up and trying to present a façade of contentment. I’m pleased that attitudes are changing for the better.

I’ve been there to some extent. Ten years ago, a fairly recent ex got married and everything was plastered all over social media. I’d moved to a new job in a new town and things weren’t going terribly well, plus I’d had a succession of identikit and emotionally barren flings and I felt an emotional disconnect from everything. But within two years, I’d met the current MrsPJM and had landed a rewarding job – nothing felt forced, or awkward, it all seemed to fall into place very easily.

FWIW, the best things you can do are to keep talking and keep riding your bike. Exercise is a great way of allowing you mental space to deconstruct stuff, plus those endorphins do help your state of mind. Don’t be afraid to approach your GP to discuss the issues, there are a range of options that aren’t necessarily about taking medication.

And finally, everything WILL be okay in the long run. I promise.

Definitely reorganise your day riding! A random article from the BBC about the importance of getting out and away from your desk:

Linky

“I don’t miss the relationship with her, I miss being in a relationship”

For me, it was this that I had to work on.
Took me a long time to get there but I think that overall I’m happier on my own than in a relationship.
Maybe take a bit of time for yourself rather than putting pressure on yourself to have another relationship.
Dogs make for wonderful company if you can and want to spend some time with them.

Sorry I can’t do the boxy quote thing! Never works no matter what combination I try!

Glad you’ve booked an appointment with the GP. Depression, in my experience, is always best tackled with some professional help and guidance. If it’s worse when the long nights set in try and get a hold of a lamp and natural light alarm clock. They both work well for me. Really chuffed you’re getting help. Keep posting 😀

My thought about dating: it sounds like you’re interested in getting to know a woman rather than just having casual sex, and if you make that known in some way, it could be half the battle. Of the women I know who’ve tried internet dating, they’ve all been disappointed that most of the men are only after something casual.

End each day by thinking of 3 things for which you are grateful

My thought about dating: it sounds like you’re interested in getting to know a woman rather than just having casual sex, and if you make that known in some way, it could be half the battle. Of the women I know who’ve tried internet dating, they’ve all been disappointed that most of the men are only after something casual.

Absolutely that, I don’t enjoy the casual thing. Some of the stories i’ve heard from female friends on internet dating are horrendous.

I’ve got an appointment sorted at my GP’s to speak to them and start the ball rolling.

Dogs make for wonderful company if you can and want to spend some time with them.

Would love to have a dog, but it wouldn’t be fair on them as i’m out the house so much. My sister has just gotten a new English sheepdog who i’m getting to know and will be coming on camping and hiking trips in the future.

Take up road riding and do some sportiff rides, there is a surprising number of fit young women who do this because they feel secure in the organised environment of a sportiff event. I’ve had some great chats along the road with women cyclists and always wished I was single again!

As I age my belief is growing that most women just want to find somebody who is decent, clean and sincere.

OP – i hope you get the help you’re after.

I’ve been feeling very low myself recently (although for very different resons) and its good to know that there are people around willing to offer support.

hey buddy, as someone who also is goign through a rough patch hang in there.
Do the things that make you happy, try not to dwell on that which brings you down. Staying busy has helped me no end. Lean on friends and family – it is sometimes the only way. Have gratitude for all that IS good in your life.
All the other advice out there is useful, just try to keep going about the Daily Activities of Living (DAL) and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Does seem to be a lot of it about at the moment. And much good advice above.

I’ve had bouts of anxiety and depression so have at least an idea of what you’re going through. On piece of advice I would give is to ‘maximise’ your physical health. Eat well, exercise and get plenty of sleep.

Much of my anxiety is brought about by work and at such times I have a tendency to go to bed really late (because I don’t want to go to work tomorrow). Of course, being knackered just makes tomorrow worse.

Try to focus on the positive aspects in your life and above all keep talking.

And see your GP – it’s a difficult step but a good GP will have lots of experience of this (cos it’s common) and should be able to help.

OP – well done for getting a Doctors appointment. When I told my Doctor how I was feeling he was brilliant. I worried before I went in that he would tell me I was a time waster but it was the total opposite. I talked openly about it for the first time and he gave me a few options of how to proceed. I opted not to use meds (my choice, but do what is right for you) and quite soon after I started CBT. It felt strange for the first couple of sessions but it started to help and I still use some of it now when I start to feel down.

Keep us updated and I look forward to learning that you’re back to your best. It might happen much quicker than you think!

Does seem to be a lot of it about at the moment.

I think there’s more people raising depression on here because when one of these threads comes up you see a lot of genuine compassion and helpful advice. That’s why I ultimately started this thread, I was at a low point but didn’t feel I could burden my friends or family with it. I was surprised and moved at how quickly people posted at a fairly late time of sunday night. A friend of mine saw my thread as well and he and his wife reached out to me which helped bouy my spirits up.
Just even writing the first post felt cathartic and the fact so many people i don’t know took the time to write and share their experience has helped.

I’m feeling better, still depressed, still stressed, but a bit better. I was having a good think and I have to go back to spring to the last time I wasn’t consistently feeling down. I’ve had some good spots in the last few months, said friends wedding was a highlight, but I’ve just not been able to shake this one off.

Are you a MTB/cycle club member? I reckon a bit of regular talking bollocks on a bike would do you the world of good.

Hi spawnofyorkshire.

Not sure how much I can help. Like many, I suffer from depression. I went through my ex (when I lived at home in Belfast) ending it with me and moving on with her life. Block her at the very least mate. This is YOUR LIFE, not hers. That will pass. Trust me, it does.

Talk. Keep talking. If you can’t talk on the dark days, talk when you feel like you can.

I don’t believe going to my GP and being on medication ever helped. That’s from 10 years of going and getting nothing.

Do what truly makes you happy. What is it that gives you that little fuzzy feeling? Everyone has something that does that to them.

If you need a chat, get in touch.

Just thought I’d give a little update on how things are going.
I’ve started the referral process of getting help through the IAPT team here in Kirklees
A very close friend has had professional dealings with them and rates them. Have my initial assessment next week and after speaking to the nurse practitioner at my GP’s last week I’m most likely heading down the CBT route rather than drugs.
Actually saying out loud that I have depression has been difficult, I nearly bailed on my appointment at the doctors last week, but glad I went through with it. Completing the PHQ9 and GAD7 forms was an eye-opener when you’re ticking ‘Nearly Every Day’ for the majority of boxes [Not the hurting yourself one though, thankfully that has never once crossed my mind].
The friends I’ve spoken to about this have been brilliant and really supportive. A couple have asked why I didn’t say anything earlier, but it’s been really hard to admit the problem and I didn’t want to burden them with it on top of whatever they have going on in their lives.

The hockey stress has been lessened a bit, I opened up about my anxieties with a couple of people I trust and they’ve been really helpful and I’ve handed over the vast majority of speaking to the team to a guy who has years of captaining experience under his belt.
I realised that I’ve been having anxiety attacks in games, this week I didn’t and it felt good. We didn’t win (should have beaten top of the league grrr) but I had a good game and was back to the way I want to play which is chilled out, relaxed, being a loud and positive voice on the pitch calling out adjustments. I play so much worse if I’m fired up with adrenaline or anxious energy. A month break from the league now will help as well.

I’ve been man-flued up the wahzoo this past week which has been rubbish and limited the amount of exercise I could do, but I’ve been able to socialise a lot with friends and a have a good weekend

I’m having better periods since I made the first step of posting on here and admitting the problem. I now need to take advantage of the help to deal with this in the long term as despite how some things have improved I am still depressed and I’m conscious about having anxiety attacks and don’t want to feel like this going forward.

Thank you to everyone who has posted and shared their knowledge and support. It means a lot