What off kilter phrases crack you up?

My current favourite is one the guys I know who signs off every email with "Lovely regards".

mrs deadly used to work with a chap who would say "You've got to take your hand off to him/her" when he was impressed with something. The rest of the studio let him say it for years and years without telling him.

A small girl I know recently coined the phrase:

"I couldn't give a sea of piss"

Apparently its a mutation from the little mermaid's "I couldn't give a sea of fish" but said 4 year old girl recently ehard mummay saying piss and thought it best to conjoin her fave film with her fave new word. Personally I think it's verbal brilliance.

It has become stock in trade in our house.

a colleague regularly says "it's been donkeys ages" which never sounds right to me. Surely it's "donkeys years"?

Damp squid
tenderhooks

tenderhooks

[pedantry] tenterhooks [/pedantry]

🙂

uplink yes tenderhooks that's why it's off kilter 🙄
And damp squib not damp squid 😉

"pacifically" drives me to distraction

Skelington in the closet is another cracker

"I could eat a scabby rat" is one used in our household.

Surely it's "donkeys years"?

Isn't it Donkeys ears?

Torrentious rain.

you've got a face like a madmans arse 😆

Hreard "of"…, would "of"… etc

Liking "pacifically" tho.

I love on CSI and other US shows when they say "burglarized", surely its burgled?

I love skellington. "What I like" is another of my favourites.

I also like "similarity pack" to specify a multipack which isn't a variety pack.

The American have some crackers. Visitation is a good one. It means to visit as far as I can tell 😆

A friend of mine went to uni in Hull, he and everyone on his course were out-of-towners so not always totally abreast of local lingo.

On his way to college he'd pass a line of boarded up terraced houses covered in grafitti, including frequent use of the phrase 'Yeb off'. Thinking it was local slang he'd tell people on his course to yeb off, and soon they were all telling each other to yeb off.

Then one day as passed the boarded up houses he say a guy come out one of the buildings, nail the door shut, write 'Y.E.B. Off' on it and get into a Yorkshire Electricity Board van.

burglarized

Think this is OK in Uhmerica…

my god khani you sound like my dad 😯

more fun than a bucket of tits on a rainy sunday.

(yeah I just made that up)

I was once discussing the relative merits of various cakes in the supermarket with a mate. An old bloke overheard and went "Get coffee and walnut, it's what I use!".

Got a friend of ours called Geoff and here are his grrism's

"Table of milk for two"
"It's a recipe waiting to happen"

"Who's Danny De Niro?"

Geoff: …it sounds like he needs a sidedog
friend: a what?
Geoff: a sidedog!
friend: do you mean sidekick
Geoff : ah yes, thats it

That blokes built like a sh*t brickhouse

I could eat a scabby horse between two pissed mattresses…

And still have room for a dolphin on toast!

"Set of destructions" – As in "All Ikea furniture comes with a set of destructions"

For anyone in London this is why there is an enormous pile of scrap timber in the railway yard near the Wembley branch

JulianA – we have a winner!

There's an IKEA near Wembley?? 😯

Wanders will never seize…

Thank you petrieboy!

'I should coco' seems to have reversed it's meaning from 'absolutely not' to 'absolutely'

from a friend of the mother in laws ..eucalyptus wallpaper

"I could care less"

my god khani you sound like my dad

That's where I got it from 🙂

That's where I got it from

Hey, what a small world ………how do you know his dad ?

Off-kilter & widely used, I've always (dis)liked "cheap at half the price"

really, no shit!? 50% off would make it cheap? 😯

[/quote]Hey, what a small world ………how do you know his dad ?

We come from the same place, top man he was

Yay for skellingtons. In our house we have skellingtons living up the chimbley.

My dad came out with "never in a world of pigs puddin' " recently, to describe something that was quite unlikely to happen. He now seems to use "exceptionally well groomed" instead of gay.

"Different Gravy"

as in 'I've seen some good trials riders, but that Danny Macaskill is different gravy'

Does the pope **** in the woods?

Not a pretty face. (said by GF, and now used constantly by everyone else)

this always makes me smile whenever I pass it;

What, middle lane hoggers? I hate the ba$$ards.

My gran had a cracker for when you'd been disobedient then come to grief as a result.

Climbed up the wall out the back garden, fallen off and skint your knees/got a lump on your head? Want sympathy? Tough.

"Hell scud it intae ye!" 😈