i love doing the “pull my finger” routine with the kids before letting one off…they find it hilarious! pisses the wife off big time! 😆

From a very young age I have had the ability to do the Mr Methane thing at will. I even disclosed ‘the method’ to a friend at the time and he taught himself.

I could basically fill an entire 3bed house with enough stench that it would need hours to clear. It wasn’t one off SBD type stench. This was lingering, someone has hidden a turd behind the radiator type stuff.

Ahh, it was quite a joy back then. Nowadays I just guff like the ‘normal folk’

The greatape – That must be fake, why would ice cold air escape?

child in a bike seat can’t escape 😀

Forgot about the time I was in Cologne (no, really!) for a stag do. First night there I loaded up on several pints of Kölsch and a fine meal of German black pudding, stewed apple and mash (food of the gods).

Fast forward to the next morning and we were all sitting in the (6 bed) room discussing the days plans and feeling sorry for ourselves. Not sorry enough. I let one rip, the first to fall victim was my missus on the top bunk. Then the girl on the bed an easy ten feet away a couple of minutes later. Then the three poor sods sitting by the window in between (that wiped the smug grin off their faces). Smelled like burning arse hair but several times worse. This continued all day to the point everyone refused to walk with me. I managed to disgust an entire line of folk waiting to cross the road at a crossing (I was at one end, rest of party at the other, they smelled it and the poor woman next to me didn’t know what to do).

Again, one of those incidents that’s still talked about. I’ve since been banned from eating that dish.

You were on a stag do with the Missus and other women?

Skiing a couple of years back jump into one of those small 6 man bubble lifts. Myself and 2 mates and two other European strangers. Mate drops a seriously bad SBD and starts giggling to himself. The rest of us had to suffer in silence, no escape or windows to open to get away from that eggy air biscuit.

liitlehobo – please expound on your ‘method’ on how to fart at will. This is a great power that must be harnessed.

I would never fart in front of my wife until we were married!

i dont think the Vicar was impressed!

Its not a pleasant thing to imagine jekkyl.

It involves intense sphincter control, sucking in air due to body position and said control. Then basically letting rip. Basically I was eating my wheatabix one morning whilst kneeling down and I discovered that if I positioned myself a certain way I could sit for 10,20,30mins just parping for England.

I don’t do it so much these days but back then it was quite theraputic

I did pass ‘the method’ on to a pal once. We were talking a while ago and it turns once you have it mastered, you never lose the ability

that day the morning after I had too much curry and guinness the night before

I used to be able to produce a good fireball effect when putting a match to bottom burps. Still do it now and again to give myself a chuckle

nbt > That’s brilliant, proper gave me the giggles.

You were on a stag do with the Missus and other women?

They could probably hold their own far better than most blokes, why do you think they got invited on a stag weekend?

https://screen.yahoo.com/14-extremely-important-facts-farting-104923363.html

A tale from work,

A guy farts in bed que rolling eyes and the mrs saying i suppose your going to dutch oven me now.
No of course not id never do such a thing you going to dutch over yourself.
Just as she opens her mouth to ask how he spits straight up in the air.

We were staying at a hotel in Florence a few years back with a tiny, very slow old lift. We got in the lift one evening and as the doors shut I was engulfed by the smell of rotten eggs. I looked at my wife and she was smirking. The lift took ages to get going and to travel its journey upwards to our floor. She later told me that she’d held it in all the way back from our restaurant especially 😀

We were staying at a hotel in Florence a few years back with a tiny, very slow old lift. We got in the lift one evening and as the doors shut I was engulfed by the smell of rotten eggs. I looked at my wife and she was smirking. The lift took ages to get going and to travel its journey upwards to our floor. She later told me that she’d held it in all the way back from our restaurant especially

She’s a keeper!

All I can say is, brussels sprouts, roast potatoes and jerusalem artichokes on the same plate.

New Years Eve, late night double decker bus full of tightly packed revellers, seat near the door for perfect through draft, both decks at 2 bar of fetid arse gas.
Happy days.

First night away on honeymoon in San Fran, we went to the Stinking Rose restaurant. Every dish has a garlic theme; even the dessert, and the beer.

The next morning, the paint was blistering on the walls and the look on the cleaners face when she saw us was priceless.

Dropped my guts this morning, 2 yo sniffed and said Poo then Daddy, bottom. So much for SBD.

Garlic Beer

GARLIC BEER?

Why did no-one tell me about this before?! I must try this!

Dropped my guts this morning, 2 yo sniffed and said Poo then Daddy, bottom. So much for SBD.

*sigh*

This is my life right now.

She’s a keeper!

x2

When we were in the sixth form we had a tiny room (must have been some sort of converted boiler room) with a pool table in it. No windows, one door and usually pretty ripe in any case. Then one day someone dropped the worst fart I have ever smelt. It cleared the place in about three seconds flat. The lad in question said he’d held it all the way on the bus (at least half an hour) and had crippling stomach ache as a result.

Fair play. Good lad.

Credit where it is due.