I wake up every morning, get up, walk into the bathroom, then pass wind like somebody slowly tearing a heavy velvet curtain inside a shipping container. While sniggering away to myself.
I ride up to my grandson’s school every Monday afternoon and we ride the 2.8 miles back to our house. His dad drops his bike off in the morning and it is mostly downhill. He’s only 6 and I noticed he has to stop pedalling and stand up to fart.
I explained that as a long time fixed wheel rider the absolute pinnacle of cycling skill is to fart while pedalling.
We both practised a bit and giggled the rest of the way home.
Since I gave up smoking and switched to vaping, every time I change juices, my farts go into meltdown mode!
Just where are you sticking the vaporiser? I fear you have been misled as to their proper useage… 😆 picture that though; grade 1, cloud chasing arse eruptions. Now that WOULD be entertaining…
I remember once staying in a youth hostel and the bunk room had about 20 beds, all full of men from various countries. After lights out someone farted, some giggled and then someone else farted and a few more laughed. Farts cross international language barriers!
My, nearly 2 year old daughter has a nasty cough a little while ago, that and coupled with being blessed with her father genes she has now earned the nick name – Alice Von Coffenfart.
The coughs don’t hide it, they just make it funnier
I was astounded at work recently because someone farted at the urinals and another person accused them of being disgusting!! If you cant fart in the toilet where can you fart. I, on the other hand, was chuckling to myself as it was quite a resounding raspberry 😀
Everyone loves a fart joke.
My party trick BITD was lighting my farts… I remember being away on holiday with friends and at the last minute a newcomer who was “Very Reserved” had joined the group – during reminiscing about younger days I was reminded of said trick. The look of disgust on this girls face meant I just had to bring back the glory days… cue sometime later that night I grabbed a lighter – even PoFace was pissing herself laughing…
Sometimes, my guts are just wrong at the moment – and have been for months now, I let out these tiny, tiny little flufs (not big enough to be a fart) and they’re appaling and NEVER go away, I walked into my office this morning and gagged on yesterdays efforts…
My office-mate has been off sick for 6 week (unrelated I hope) but we be back soon, I feel bad for her already – my only hope is that it either stops, or her virus carries on for a few more weeks because she only works term time.
The only thing funnier than a dog surprised by it’s own farts is a small baby farting. Starts off with terror, moves to surprise, then enjoyment, then they start learning how to force them out…….
Then they shit themselves and you give them back to the nappy monitor/parent.
I can recall when yinn jnr was about 8months old. He was in his room in the cot, we had the baby monitor on in the next room.
You could hear him grunting, moaning and generally being unsettled. Then he let this nappy ripper go, making the wonderful muffled nappy fart sound and then Im sure we heard a sigh of contentment. Needless to say we couldn’t stop laughing for quite a bit.
Yesterday marked my 11th wedding anniversary with my wife. For the first three years she has a small “rhoid” which meant any farts came out as a ppppppffffffffffffffffffft – the same sort of noise you get when a bus pulls up at the lights.
This all changed when she decided to have said “rhoid” removed. The surgeon was some sort of evil genius and created the perfect ” balloon knot” for ripper farts. Christ, three rooms away and I can hear her crack off rounds like Petrol strimmer with a broken exhaust.
I’m sure this person could make a fortune creating surgically enhanced loops.
My wife let a horrendous one go in a slow, tiny lift in a hotel in Florence some years ago. She later confessed to holding it in especially for the lift, all the way back from the restaurant – a 30 minute walk.
Yesterday marked my 11th wedding anniversary with my wife. For the first three years she has a small “rhoid” which meant any farts came out as a ppppppffffffffffffffffffft – the same sort of noise you get when a bus pulls up at the lights.
This all changed when she decided to have said “rhoid” removed. The surgeon was some sort of evil genius and created the perfect ” balloon knot” for ripper farts. Christ, three rooms away and I can hear her crack off rounds like Petrol strimmer with a broken exhaust.
I’m sure this person could make a fortune creating surgically enhanced loops.
Is your wife a member on here? She may be open-minded when it comes to trumping, but I’m not sure she’d appreciate you discussing the details of her coit on a forum(?)
I was astounded at work recently because someone farted at the urinals and another person accused them of being disgusting!! If you cant fart in the toilet where can you fart. I, on the other hand, was chuckling to myself as it was quite a resounding raspberry
I had a similar discussion a few years back – one person in the group was unsure about whether it was OK to fart whilst stood at a urinal.
