Myself and mrscarlos went to a family funeral last week (her uncle on mums side). Mrscarlos hasn't had any proper contact with her mother for over 20 years except for seeing her at a couple of funerals and a wedding.
The reasons in brief are poorly treated (beaten ect) as a child , stole money from her as an adult , tried to gazzump us on our 1st house purchase and generally being a nasty/vindictive person. There's other factors involved which I don't wish to go into on a public forum as I don't think it's fair for my wife to re-live some things from her past. Contact was cut in 1990.
At the funeral/wake my mother in law got to see her grandsons (6 and 1)in the flesh for the first time , we didn't make an effort to talk to her but didn't keep our kids away from her either.
Our main worry here is mrscarlos brother who is adamant that my wife should forgive her mum for past indiscretions and behaviour and act as if nothing happened as 'she's a lonely old lady' , we have no idea if her mum has said anything to her brother but get a feeling she's pressured him. Mrscarlos has no regrets about not having contact stating that 'life is easier without her in it' I feel she doesn't trust her mums intentions towards us based on her past.
After we got home from the wake mrscarlos got a text from her sister in law saying that her brother has been upset about the breakdown of the relationship for a long time and will want to talk to her about it as 'life is too short' ,Mrscarlos only worry is that when her mum's life ends her brother will be effectively on his own to arrange the funeral and thank people for coming ect.
My wife loves her brother dearly and doesn't want to loose contact with him but feels that at the time her parents split he was to young to see/understand the things that were going on , her mum has denied(to her brother) ever being anything but a caring parent to my wife and refuses to admit ever being wrong in her past actions.
My only concern here is for my wife and kids , her mother was quite cold towards me when we got together and I saw how she was when the relationship with her husbnd broke down and couldn't believe some of her actions.
Sorry for such a long post but we just want to get a bit of feedback/advice from an impartial veiwpoint as we're at a bit of a loss. We feel a bit 'damned if you do , damned if you don't'