So I’ve got the offer of a job in Germany. pay is good and enough to support my and my GF. I’d love to do it.

The only issue I have is that my GF (soon to be wife) probably won’t be able to find a job. So basically she would be sat in an apartment all day in a country where she knows nobody and can’t speak the language.

Now I know there are things to keep somewhat busy with but I think if it was me in that situation I’d go mental. She says she’s happy to give it a go.

Anyone been in this siuation? How did you deal with it?

The only issue I have is that my GF (soon to be wife) probably won’t be able to find a job

unless she isn’t from an EU country, why won’t she be able to find a job?

Regardless, number one reason for expat assignments ending early is an unhappy spouse.

Don’t want to stereotype too much but my experience of the Germans has been nothing but good. If your GF gives the language a try they will help her out and it’s quite an easy language to pick up. No reason she can’t work over there as BoardinBob says.

Well RaveyDavey, we’ve both been doing the same German evening classes for the last 2 years.

I’m now at B1/B2 level, but she’s, well, nowhere really. Not for lack of trying, it just doesn’t seem to stick.

Sorry for the shameless plug…. but this might be just what you need….

http://germany.angloinfo.com/

I’m now at B1/B2 level, but she’s, well, nowhere really. Not for lack of trying, it just doesn’t seem to stick

Dump her then 😉

I’m in exactly this situation at the moment, except that my girlfriend does language classes for three hours every morning, so that helps occupy her and she gets some human interaction other than with me. We have gone through periods where she hasn’t done anything though and she did struggle with the boredom, and it has resulted in some arguments between us.

The hardest part is that if you’re going to be working a full day, when you get home all she’ll want to do is talk and interact cos she’s been bored all day. If you’ve had a hard day and all you want to do is sit and relax in front of the TV because you’re tired, or go out on your bike or generally switch off it can be difficult.

My advice would be to get her signed up to some decent group language classes, if nothing else to meet people in the same boat as her. A lot of people find that they learn languages much better being “immersed” in them, so she might start improving her German quickly once there and the lessons will just reinforce that.

Other advice would be to get in touch with Expat groups, find the Irish pubs etc. Foreign languages are hard work when you have to live in them all the time, so time chilling out in your own language can be a godsend. If she can make friends over there she’ll be much happier too.

where in Germany?

if it’s for something reasonably international, then there’s a distinct chance that there are plenty of expat international spouses, and many probably work for supporting companies in the vicinity.

Hum, this will probably be tough though not impossible. Are you prepared to have kids soon as that could be her project, otherwise I forsee trouble ahead. It does depend upon how independent the gf/wife is but if she’s sat at home waiting for you every evening that plays with the mind and will probably cause a lot of stress between you. You will find the Germans will generally speak good English and be happy to practice it with you, so whilst she should persist with trying to learn it’s not the end of the world. FYI I went to the US with a 6 month old and had second one out there and even then the wife found it difficult to settle. Good luck.

Maybe someone should mention some up sides too: If she’s in all day she’ll probably have your dinner done when you get in.

Not sure of your situation but when we were overseas there were other expat wives to interact with.

Contact started through colleagues/friends at my work and we also joined a sports club that had a lot going on. It really is a mind expanding experience and it would be a shame for you both to miss out.

My wife ended up teaching English as a foreign language. She’s not a teacher but does mostly seem to speak a foreign language (to me) 🙂

Get her a job in a bar, I’m sure she will learn German very fast and make lots of new pals for both of you.

If she changes her mind I’ll go with you. I quite fancy the idea of sitting around all day watching tele and drinking tea.

Is she into sports? Germany has so many facilities she shouldn’t get bored.

if you’re in a big city, you might have to hunt a but but you can find something. big German companies operating globally will have a lot of foreign workers who won’t necessarily speak german anyway. what is her current job?

From the perspective of the “Other half”
Moved out to Oz with the now Ex 2 1/2 years ago, she had a job lined up my skill set is a fair bit more niche/specialised. Language not a problem but where we moved to was hopeless for me finding work. I’m now doing OK but it’s taken nearly 2 years to get to a stable amount of work, I work from home too.

No matter what you think of work it’s one of the best ways to integrate into a society, you meet people and you are forced to get to know them a bit at least. Not having that was really tough. Add in the lack of financial independence and it put a massive strain on things and was one of the things that lead to it not working out.

It’s something you need to go into eyes wide open, the plus sides are the time difference is only an hour and you can pop home for a long weekend etc. though the bills will rack up for that.

If language is still a barrier after a few months then it can get very isolating, one of the things that really started to get to me was not having my own independent circle of friends – there is only so much of you should meet this persons partner apparently they like the stuff you do….

Pigface – Member
Is she into sports? Germany has so many facilities she shouldn’t get bored.

Not everyone is content with that especially if you have had a busy and productive career up to that point.

boblo – Member
Not sure of your situation but when we were overseas there were other expat wives to interact with.

I wonder how some of the comments would be if roles were reversed?

I’d be broadly ok with interacting with other expat wives 😉

In my case, the other expat wives worked and my wife was able to find work via them as well as get out of the apartment. It’s not all Singapore Slings and OMO you know 🙂

That sounds ace – can I marry you ? Few hours of classes in the morning, have some lunch, coffee with my new german friends, ride my bike all afternoon. We will have to get a housekeeper of course, I will be too busy having fun while you are out working all day. Better do some overtime…

P.S IME most young germans speak English.

From my experience evening classes are good, but some people require to be in the country and ‘immersed’ in the language for it to work.

I came to switzerland (french part) with 1yr of french evening classes, but i couldnt speak or write for jack.. i’d quit my job in london and enrolled myself in a 3month 25h/week course.

That did the trick and i then got a job 2 months later..

If she has transferable skills she’ll get a job easily – with proper english and up and coming german she should be an interesting catch for german companies..

edit: What i wouldnt do however, is to stay around and chat to english speaking people in the beginning.. good to have new friends etc, but not good to hold onto the language. if her head works in any way similar to mine (crap with languages) then she’ll need to free up space to take on the german.. and dont just sit around watching english tv..

edit again..: my gf at the time, now wife, didnt really give me an enormous advantage tbh.. the 1st 2 months i couldnt communicate in french..so we spoke in english. but as soon as it’d clicked we spoke in french..

Germany has some great locations & some that are less great 😉

She has the perfect opportunity to learn the language?

I’m 10yr+ expat and love being in continental Europe. Learning a language makes the experience so much more fulfilling. Avoid the trap of falling exclusively into ‘expat communities’.

You need to speak German in Germany in my experience (& that goes for both of you).
The smaller countries are less of an issue but in Spain (real Spain), Italy, France & Germany local language is a must of you want to live & integrate there.

I’d add that if you leave the UK and plan to come back (later than 2 years time) make sure you each are named drivers on friends or relatives car insurance. This will allow you to maintain your no claims bonus.

My wife and I left the UK for 3 years and came back effectively as new drivers (despite 9 years no claims bonus). Car insurance would have been £280. Instead it’s £650 – grumble, grumble.

Other things – your partner will find a job – my wife became a postie, volunteer farmer etc etc. You shouldn’t be tight for money so these roles for her are more to make her feel party of the community, feel valued and get her out of the house. My wife has loads of get up and go so she was very proactive. Otherwise things could have spiralled downwards easily. You’ll be extremely alone and you’ll always be the outsider. You will make good friends but it will take years longer and doubltess your friends will be non-Germans. It’s always the misfits who drift together!

Do it – take all opportunities. It’ll be hard, you won’t regret it!

+1 for avoiding the ‘expat community’ as a whole.

i lived in Prague for a while and went to a few socials and meetups, until it became apparent that they were just full of people who had no interest in the country they lived in and wanted it to be as much like home as possible (mainly brits / yanks). And also wanted to whinge about various aspects of the country. Depressing!

I went off and met some Czech people (who all spoke great english, obvs) and had a much better time of it!

+1 to what doris said..

if you do it then make the most of it and dont spend the time comparing to the uk..and whinging. it’ll make your integration more difficult.

The job is in Bavaria, working for the same company I have just left – a huge American technology corporation. A few of the engineers already there are American. I’m pretty sure I’d be OK.

But my GF I have to say, is not the most adaptable sort and I think there’s a real danger she could struggle to integrate.

She currently works in a hospital doing (as far as I can make out) testing for cancer research/clinical trials, so kind of a niche area.

We do want to have a kid sooner rather than later though so getting a job might not even be an option. Not sure if having a bored, isolated AND pregnant woman is gonna be a good experience?

Totally agree with doris and scotia. I met up with some ex pats a few times in Stokholm and they were a right bunch of nobbers! Taking the piss out of the Swedes who are such a decent people. Immerse yourself in the country, the people and the culture and even if it all goes wrong you will have more life experience.

i moved over from UK to Finland, after uni. The main reason was that i wanted to see more of my finnish girlfriend (who i’m living with). I had job offers in the UK and Finland, but I decided on an adventure. Overall, it has been a positive experience. Before moving here, I was living in Eindhoven and I had an ace time there.

But I’ve really struggled to make friends with the natives. I know plenty and they’re technically able to speak English but they’d never regard me as a friend. I try to speak Finnish but I’m at a A2/B1 level.

The problem is that I’m often excluded from some party/pub session/trip, etc. as my Finnish contact doesn’t want to make his/her Finnish friends uncomfortable. Having somebody in the group who can’t communicate adaequately in the local lingo is undesirable. From colleagues, I’ve heard that it’s similar in Germany.

The expat community in Finland is pretty poor. You tend to see lots of people who haven’t integrated well. Tbh, i think it’s a reflection on the cold welcome offered by Finns. Still, the expat group is full of doorknobs.

The positives are that I’ve developed professionally and had great opportunities to travel with work. I’ve got a snowmobile and i learnt to snowboard. I just wish I had some friends of the same quality as I still have in NL and UK.

oi, Bsciut…

where abouts in Bavaria?

i’ve lived in Germany for 6,5 years now… always in Bavaria, mostly in the south and for a short period in the very north (which is any but Bavarian, only geographically… culturally very different). the south is brilliant, IMO.

if you are near Munich then there are lots of ex-pats, although, as has been said, try to avoid them. i’ve only one english speaking “friend” with whom i’ll go for a drink with here in Munich and one acquaintance in Berlin. i know others through work, but avoid socialising with them. some have been here for over 10 years, speak broken german, have built a life here for themselves and still diss on the German way of life…. don’t like it? then piss off.

as long as your misses isn’t preggers she should be able to get out and find a job easily enough. there is no reason to be unemployed here in Oberbayern (the southern bit). plenty of German firms where the on-site language is English (SAP, BMW…) even amongst German colleagues.

There are few bio-tech research firms here, too. Roche in Penzberg and another just across the Border in Kufstein…. name escapes me, but a friend used to work there till “sie schwanger geworden ist”.

learning German helps you integrate quickly. if they see you are making an effort then you are accepted. if you speak English with them at first it’s not a problem. if you are speaking English after 3 months then it might be.

i think there is a programme for people coming to Germany to recieve free or heavily subsidised German classes. i didn’t know this when i came over and paid for a two month course out of my own pocket, but it put me in good stead and set me up. working with a small town carpentry firm where everyone only spoke German with a strong dialect was hard at first but also helped greatly. if you want to learn the lingo you have to immerse yourself in it.

the lifestyle here is good. Germans are more active than Brits (generalisation, but true) and the set up here means it’s not always worth taking the car. Lots of riding (be that trails or snow) down south. 4 hours to Lake Garda, 3 to Vinschgau… from Munich at least.

oh there is a reason Munich rates so highly on places to live lists… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World%27s_most_liveable_cities

if you want more info, let me know…

Thanks for that Alpin, the job is actually in Regensburg, an hour and a half-ish north of Munich.

not a bad place… good riding close to town (no need for a car), the Bavarian Forest a short drive away with two good bike parks (Geißkopf and Spicak, CZ) and plenty of ski lifts. Bavarian Forest gets lots of snow… decent beers in the area, too.

you can go canoeing/kayaking on the Regen or Danube.

Regensburg is a bit more conservative than Munich and you will probably find fewer opportunites to speak English day-to-day, which might not be a bad thing.

the worst that can happen is you go back to the UK.

Servus… pfai di.

Yeah I’m also into paragliding, which is well catered for in the area. So that’s all good and I’m pretty sure I’d be settled in and living it up in no time.

It’s really the missus I’m worried about.

What Alpin said ( I’m easter, Basel / Black Forest way.

The intensive subsidised German course is The Integration Course for new migrants. Its a full time one and needs committment, but heavily subsidised. Other useful info here:

http://www.bamf.de/EN/Willkommen/DeutschLernen/Integrationskurse/integrationskurse-node.html

I joined clubs, got German friends, stayed away from ex-pat biking groups and basically got stuck in. Its ongoing and I do struggle with German but its getting better. We have very friendly neighbors who are incredibly helpful (in a very rural area), loads to do and get involved in.

Also this:

http://www.toytowngermany.com/

For info, jobs etc etc.

I love it here, great sport opportunities, being in central Europe is a world apart from getting here from Edinburgh to bike… proper summers and dry cold winters. Friends and family take advantage of easyjet and find it no more difficult to come over than uk travel up to where we were in Edinburgh. Its even possible to get UK TV streamed across the net…

Give it a go, better than kicking yourself later and wishing maybe you should have tried it.

Yeah that’s what I’m most worried about – the nagging ‘what if’ thoughts for the rest of my life!

Regensburg does have a Volkshochschule full time integration course (well, half days) which should keep her busy.

Im doing a Volkshochschule (VHS) course, its pretty good.

pay is good and enough to support my and my GF

must take a fair bit of pressure off to give time for your partner to settle in.

Good option for a (out of Oktober Fest), weekend city break look around ?