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Ex-gf advice needed

114 posts & 70 voices | Started 6 months ago by SamB | Latest reply from The Southern Yeti

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SamB - Member

I know quite a few people post on here for relationship advice and support, so thought you might be able to help me out. I'm having some problems with an ex and need some advice

I broke up with my ex from uni at the end of university - 7 years ago. She was my first in many ways, and it took a long time, but I thought I'd gotten over it and moved on.

Yesterday I found out she's going to be attending the birthday of a mutual friend this weekend, and I am absolutely dreading it. As in, I spent half an hour shaking last night when I got the news. I'm in two minds now whether to go to the party or not. On the one hand, I don't want to miss a good friend's major birthday, and it feels like I should maybe face this head on. On the other, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a horrible time, no matter what interaction (or lack of) I have with my ex.

Any advice? I'm really having a difficult time with this right now.

Posted 6 months ago #
carbon337 - Member

Get yourself there and get it on with her

Simples

Posted 6 months ago #
GlitterGary - Member

I find strangulation is the fairest method of dealing with exes.

Posted 6 months ago #
Torminalis - Member

Do you have a new lady in your life or have you had one since?

Posted 6 months ago #
mudshark - Member

Drink beer. Lots of beer.

Posted 6 months ago #
hora - Member

This may sound alittle stalkerish but I'd facebook her 'say hi, not seen you in a longtime, going to the do etc'. Abit of talking should ease your mountain of nerves.

TBH she may say something like 'got married last year'. Which to be honest will give you an immediate pang of pain but then peace.

I met up with my ex and it confirmed all my concerns that I was having over her (even though I loved her dearly at the time. I ended it). At the end of the meeting I went away and had a good cry and moved on with my life.

Posted 6 months ago #
stumpy01 - Member

You'll probably turn up & wonder what all the fuss was about*
.
.
.
* But you might not.

Posted 6 months ago #
ski - Member

7 years is a long time....

I guess it depends on why you broke up, but I would go...

I bet the night will not turn out as bad as you expect..

Posted 6 months ago #
binners - Member

Posted 6 months ago #
carbon337 - Member

I've quite a few ex-gf's in my social circles - what i find helps is when they you are there sit thinking about the consequences of what would happen if you went over and said "can you remember that time we ....... in the shower" as an example.

Then walk away.

HTH

Seriously though 7 years

Posted 6 months ago #
duckman - Member

Yes Hora it does.

Posted 6 months ago #
theflatboy - Member

just go, you won't have to spend any time with her if her if you don't want to, just say hello and enjoy the rest of the night.

Posted 6 months ago #
fenred - Member

High class escort.

Posted 6 months ago #
GrahamS - Member

TBH she may say something like 'got married last year'.

Or.. "Little Suzy is seven now. Where have you been??"

Posted 6 months ago #
muppetWrangler - Member

More details needed. Why would you be nervous about meeting an old girlfriend that you've not seen for the best part of a decade. Unless there is more to this than meets the eye then I'd say go, be friendly, have a chat about old times then go mingle with other people. Have a laugh, life is far too short to dwell on the what could haves beens.

Good times if she turns up with an ugly looking fella. Hard times if he's better looking than you.

Posted 6 months ago #
Torminalis - Member

Well, in the absence of a reply, my advice would be to hire a [edit: very expensive] prostitute (just to look good on your arm naturally), get wildly drunk, make a scene and then have a breakdown.

alternatively... MTFU?

Posted 6 months ago #
hora - Member

Posted 6 months ago #
RegP - Member

I think you should consider growing up acting like an adult, going to the Birthday and if needs must exchange polite conversation.

Do you work in IT by any chance!!!

Posted 6 months ago #
carbon337 - Member

Quote of the day award goes to : Zulu

Posted 6 months ago #
hora - Member

My ex was stunning which made me abit uncomfortable but as soon as we got talking the memories cameback. It sounds like she ended it OP- could we ask why?

I think you'll find that you loved the girl she was at uni but now you'll barely have anything in common and she'll have changed interms of what she likes etc. Probably will look fairly similar mind (unless shes a female mountain biker)

Posted 6 months ago #
Milkie - Member

Take the hottest looking female friend you have with you to the party, go late, get drunk, stay for a few hours. Let your friend know the circumstances, friends usually help you out.

Posted 6 months ago #
timc - Member

OP, pull yourself together, pathetic

Posted 6 months ago #
warton - Member

go
get drunk
try and get off with her
cry

Posted 6 months ago #
KT1973 - Member

Hire a pastel baby blue tux, and moonwalk your ass into the party. Tell her that you won the lottery and your a millionaire now.

Posted 6 months ago #
binners - Member

My ex was stunning which made me abit uncomfortable

She only exists in your head, doesn't she?

Posted 6 months ago #
carbon337 - Member

This thread is only going one way....

Posted 6 months ago #
rockitman - Member

Yeah, I'd say man up and go. I don't mean that in a laddish way, I just mean bite the bullet. If you don't go you're only gonna wish you had.

Posted 6 months ago #
justatheory - Member

EX
---

As all good things go...she left

Posted 6 months ago #
KT1973 - Member

Joking apart- as muppetwrangler said, what is it that worries you about it? Did splitting up cause a lot of hurt? Is she a psycho? Do you still have feelings for her?

Posted 6 months ago #
enfht - Member

I'd tend to agree with the High Class Escort suggestion, added bonus being you're guaranteed to get your willy wet at the end of the party.

Posted 6 months ago #
wrecker - Member

It can only end well. Either she's a unit now and you get to feel smug or she's still a belter, in which case even if you don't get any luck you'll still get a good letch and new material for "the bank".

Posted 6 months ago #
hora - Member

Do you still have feelings for her?

Thats abit obvious. However I think its actually a case of he had strong feelings for what she used to be.

Posted 6 months ago #
titusrider - Member

Sorry SamB i hope someone has actually contacted you in a thoughtful and considerate fashion but im not hopeful.

Posted 6 months ago #
pk-ripper - Member

You're there for your mate, not her or yourself.

Seriously, you need to move on otherwise you'll continually think "what might have been". The simple fact is you broke up then and probably for good reason.

Don't look back as you'll only ever see regret.

Consider the possibility that you may meet someone else there? Your ex may even bring a friend and you could end up liking them?

Look on it as an opportunity to face what are clearly big demons, but they're of your own making.

Posted 6 months ago #
SamB - Member

Thanks everyone so far

In order then:
- no chance of getting it on with her (even if I keep thinking about it, argh!) - she's married (mutual friends told me, I guess hoping it would help me move on)
- have had a couple of 2-year relationships and a couple of 6-month ones, currently single
- I've blocked her on facebook - didn't think seeing posts from her or news would help in the moving on process

I think the thing that worries me is that splitting up was very painful (it was my fault entirely - acting like an idiot) and I think I do still have feelings for her. The acid test for this is that - if she were to suggest another go - I'd say yes

Posted 6 months ago #

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