Maybe I’m mistaken, but surely the correct stw protocol is wee in shoes, poo in chimney?

Agreed. But in this instance the target property has had both fireplaces blocked up*. So any chimney-oriented attack would be futile.

* Hmm, thinking about it, I assume any poo that was deposited in such a manner would ferment over time and no doubt cause curious distress to the inhabitants?

You can buy this stuff;

It’s probably not as good as real poo but at least it’s not dna traceable.

Shampoo? I want to dirty their hall not clean it 🙂

When we bought our house, we were told that we’d be able to move in mid-September. We eventually moved in the end of October, but when we turned up to pick up the keys, we were told that the previous owners hadn’t quite finished moving out! Fortunately it was only a couple of hours, so we just sat around in the hired transit van that was filled with our worldly possessions and drank tea.

OP, why did you hand in your notice when you hadn’t even exchanged contracts – asking for trouble I’m afraid.
Your vendors have probably had the same thing done to them which is why they’re delaying completion.

Your vendors have probably had the same thing done to them which is why they’re delaying completion.

It’s not our vendor causing the problem. It’s their vendor.

So someone’s probably doing the same to them. Chains are a PITA.
We’ve just sold my late mum’s house without it even going on the open market. They buyer has cash and no chain involved at all – we might have got another £10k from someone but the hassle of a chain and all the potential problems they bring was simply not worth it.

So someone’s probably doing the same to them.

Nope, they’re end of chain.

Good on yer for selling without going to market. You may have lost £10k but I assume you’ve no agent fees either.

DNA testing of faecal matter is unlikely to produce results, I have had reason to ask the Police this very question in the past. 😕

I say trot on my friend!

Ps it wasn’t my letter box.

they can dna dog poo in Naples;

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/23/world/europe/a-forensic-approach-to-a-sidewalk-nuisance.html?_r=0

Shampoo? I want to dirty their hall not clean it

having to explain it spoils things but sham means pretend or fake so shampoo might be a bottled poo like substance with no actual dna in it 😳

How big are your balls?

Hopefully not too big, they might get trapped in the letterbox…

are we now suggesting he teabags the vendor through the letterbox? 😯

Might I suggest liquid ass? 😯

Important – don’t use it at the house that you will be buying, though! 😆

Have you recconoitered said letterbox? You may have difficulty if it one of those narrow ones with brushes inside to keep the wind out.

Have you considered perhaps an open window instead?

Not much help to be wise after the event I know, but it was for this reason that we didn’t give notice on our rental place until exchange and also managed the Completion Date so it chimed nicely with the rental ending. We thought our vendor was going to pull out right down to the line. She didn’t.

poo on the doorstep…stick some paper on it and set it alight…knock on door and run away…occupant comes out and stamps the small fire out and then realizes…..

Has it not happened yet?

I think it’s time to poo or get out of the porch.

Somehow (!?) get hold of one of *their* poos. That way, when they inevitably complain, if they do get it DNA tested it will be of their own DNA.

That should mess with a few heads….

Rachel

Remind me not to not sell you a house.

People have difficulty in getting mail through my letter box intact, might I suggest you do a “wet” run on this?

POIDH btw!

Best eat a square meal 1st 😉

We had a similar issue when we moved to our current place. We had to go into a holiday let for a couple of weeks and did a 2 stage move – into storage and then out of storage into the new place. It was a pain – I think you should look to recover costs from your vendor who can then pass it down the chain.

Other than that I have no advice to offer other than if you suffer from ‘roids you should avoid letterboxes with spring-loaded flaps at all costs.

Break in and hide some raw fish & steak under the floor boards.

I always thought the done thing was to put the jobbie on the step outside, cover with newspaper, set on fire, ring the bell, run away and hide within view.

Then when the person opens the door to find a small fire they immediately try to stamp it out………………

Man, the wisdom of this place never ceases to amaze me 🙂 I’ve been on the phone pretty much all day therefore unable to even think of a response until now.

Have to get back on the blower again!

TBH, if I was single and only looking out for myself then my stance would be more ballsy. But, having a family means the risks are higher, especially as the house we’re buying ticks a heck of a lot of boxes in a very slow moving market.

Had the same issue, only 5 days, but it effectively rendered us homeless for those 5 days, with only a high probability of getting our new home rather than a guarantee.

In the end I had to eat the costs, and put up with it to make our move happen. If you can work around it , do so and move on – moving is bad enough without adding to your stress worrying about it and getting angry.