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  • Earthquake in Burnley
  • stevied
    Free Member

    EARTHQUAKE IN BURNLEY

    An earthquake measuring 4.3 on the Richter scale hit Burnley in the early hours, its epicentre was in Padiham. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering “[rude words]”.

    The tremor decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair.

    Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.

    Burnley 2BR reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Burnley. One resident – Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, “It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning.”

    Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

    Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

    HOW CAN YOU HELP?

    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

    Clothing is most sought after – items most needed include:

    Nike or Burberry baseball caps

    Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

    Shell suits (female)

    White sport socks

    Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.

    Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

    Required foodstuffs include:

    Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

    22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

    £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

    £5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

    ***Breaking news***

    Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.

    ‘Where are you bleeding from?’ they asked, “Colne” said the girl, “wossit gotta do wiv you?”

    ScottChegg
    Free Member

    I don’t get it.

    Are you a Blackpool supporter?

    geoffj
    Full Member

    Where are you bleeding from?’ they asked, “Colne” said the girl, “wossit gotta do wiv you?”

    😆

    the-muffin-man
    Full Member

    Cougar
    Full Member

    If an earthquake occurred in Burnley it could stand to do millions of pounds worth of improvements.

    Coyote
    Free Member

    Old. Very old.

    gwaelod
    Free Member

    The Richter scale…Im old enough to remember when that was a thing…like fahrenheit and shillings. Now its only shit journalists who use the phrase.

    globalti
    Free Member

    I posted that on Cycle Chat after that earthquake off Filey or wherever and got slated as nasty and patronising by some of the resident PC crowd on there.

    ransos
    Free Member

    I posted that on Cycle Chat after that earthquake off Filey or wherever and got slated as nasty and patronising by some of the resident PC crowd on there.

    Stop doing it then.

    drlex
    Free Member

    globalti; rare is the humour on that site, but the bargain thread ain’t bad.

    nickhit3
    Free Member

    Wtf? Is this the guy’s, first day on the internet?

    bungle
    Full Member

    Deja vu… Isle of Sheppey?

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