Viewing 38 posts - 1 through 38 (of 38 total)
  • DIY Amputation
  • gatsby
    Free Member

    For a few years now, I’ve had a skin tag. Let’s just say it’s in a rather intimate place. Now, it’s never really bothered me, but I noticed the Latest Ms Gatsby eying it rather suspiciously on her first ‘visit down south’, and it got me thinking that perhaps it’s not the nicest thing to have lolling about in one’s mouth… (The skin tag, that is.)

    So after a bit of research, there appeared to be 3 options. Firstly, a visit to the doc. This didn’t appeal for various reasons, one of which is that my GP is an attractive 40-something lady, and another is that even the merest thought of needles, scalpels, stitches etc in that region reduce my manhood to little more than a slight undulation.

    Option 2 was self-amputation with scissors or nail clippers, but as I was born with an overactive squeem gland, I thought better of this.

    So, Option 3: To strangle the little bugger off with a ligature of cotton or dental floss. The internet assured me that this is a simple, painless and safe method.

    Now, I’ve lead a varied life, I’ve experience pain – both physical and emotional – I’ve spent a lifetime falling off bikes, and I use chainsaws… Recklessly. But NOTHING prepared me for the pain of tying a slipknot round a skin tag on my cock! Seriously, if you live anywhere in the north of England and heard a blood-curdling scream on Tuesday night, I apologise.

    Since then, I’ve been self medicating with alcohol, various pain killers and antiseptic cream, but the constant, gnawing pain in Little Gatsby is becoming too much to bear.

    This morning, during a meeting with clients, I suffered the double misfortune of the pain killers and the antiseptic cream wearing off at the same time. It started with a few beads of sweat appearing on my forehead, but within minutes I was a red-faced mess with projectile sweat effusing from every pore, writhing around like a pornstar on a buttplug.

    So, almost 48 hours into my ‘procedure’, and the skin tag now resembles a tiny, shiny blackcurrant, and if I look very closely, I can see my own reflection staring back at me like an MC Escher drawing.

    Has anyone else ever tried anything like this? And if so, how long before it drops off? Any hints or tips for pain relief would be gratefully appreciated…

    G

    fasthaggis
    Full Member

    You must have missed this thread

    Enjoy 🙂

    Pigface
    Free Member

    Sweet Jesus 😯

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middling Edition

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middlin...
    Latest Singletrack Videos
    gatsby
    Free Member

    Jesus! It’s not that big… Christ, surely that should have had professional treatment. 😯

    torsoinalake
    Free Member

    Skin tag? Sure. Just go to the GUM clinic.

    fasthaggis
    Full Member

    surely that should have had professional treatment

    Stu doesn’t mess about ,he’s nails 😉

    Cougar
    Full Member

    as I was born with an overactive squeem gland

    Thanks for that, I’m giggling like a fool and people are looking at me funny.

    Well, funnier than usual.

    gatsby
    Free Member

    Skin tag? Sure. Just go to the GUM clinic.

    It’s been with me for as long as I can remember – certainly long before I started exposing myself to genital warts! 😆

    pk13
    Full Member

    You don’t have an ET do you?

    andybanks
    Free Member

    So you’ve put your c*ck in massive pain to avoid the embarrassment of seeing your doc?

    And now you turn to the internet for help.

    Wow… at least you’re supporting the theory of Darwinism

    cookeaa
    Full Member

    …The internet assured me that this is a simple, painless and safe method….

    Ahhh the good old internet, it’s never steered anyone wrong…

    If I were you OP, I’d swallow your pride and either pop to your GP or a local Minor Injuries unit…

    Cougar
    Full Member

    I wonder, does it’s location make it a fiveskin?

    gatsby
    Free Member

    I’m pretty sure the procedure is going to plan, notwithstanding the unanticipated pain caused by the location of the skin tag.

    I was just wondering how long I would have to endure this throbbing before it drops off! (again, the skin tag that is.)

    I’m living in constant fear of an erection… 😯

    I wonder, does it’s location make it a fiveskin?

    Possibly a oneskin… I think it was the removal of the snood that caused this little problem…

    thegreatape
    Free Member

    Gatsby, once his amateur procedure has concluded

    jools182
    Free Member

    i did it to one on my lower back, took about a week

    so good luck for the nest 5 days :p

    gatsby
    Free Member

    i did it to one on my lower back, took about a week

    How the hell did you lassoo that??

    G

    franksinatra
    Full Member

    skin tag now resembles a tiny, shiny blackcurrant

    Are you sure it is not a bollok?

    gatsby
    Free Member

    It’s like a bollock, only bigger Frank. 😉

    Cougar
    Full Member

    welshfarmer
    Full Member

    I had one between my danglie bits and my inner thigh. I got mrs Farmer to whip it off with some nail scissors after first freezing it with an ice cube to numb the area and then tying some cotton around the base in case of massive blood loss. Came of clean, painless and with little or no bleeding. Never reappeared and was a great relief to have gone.

    Rusty-Shackleford
    Free Member

    Google ‘meatotomy’ and in case you’re wondering, probably nsfw…

    martinhutch
    Full Member

    So, almost 48 hours into my ‘procedure’, and the skin tag now resembles a tiny, shiny blackcurrant,

    I’ll never watch certain adverts in the same way again.

    [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjINI7nql3E[/video]

    ninfan
    Free Member

    That’s not a skin tag, you’ve tied it round your scrotum!

    It will turn black and drop off like the end of a lambs tail…

    gatsby
    Free Member

    That’s not a skin tag, you’ve tied it round your scrotum!

    Oh balls… 🙁

    I’ll never watch certain adverts in the same way again.

    Hopefully you’ll think of me every time you see MC Escher’s Reflecting Sphere…

    G

    globalti
    Free Member

    Are you sure it’s a skin tag and not a protruding blood vessel?

    gatsby
    Free Member

    Yep, before I started messing with it, it was like a rice crispy…

    It only went purple when I throttled it.

    G

    Kryton57
    Full Member

    This thread has made me feel a little bit sick.

    martinhutch
    Full Member

    So you say there’s a face in it when you look?

    [video]http://youtu.be/J-UsDwB5Ni0?t=47s[/video]

    ohnohesback
    Free Member

    You might have tried this first…

    15 Best Home Remedies for Skin Tags

    gatsby
    Free Member

    I got as far as “Apply this on your skin tags at least thrice a day” before deciding it all sounded a bit medieval.

    G

    singlespeedstu
    Full Member

    I think you need to just MTFU and pull it off*.
    It’ll stop bleeding eventually.
    *The skintag not you nob.

    Here’s the pic of mine for those that didn’t click on the link up there. 😀

    [url=https://flic.kr/p/pHT2cU]Anyone Hungry?[/url] by multispeedstu, on Flickr

    PeterPoddy
    Free Member

    Why, oh why, did i click this thread? I feel ill now.

    gatsby
    Free Member

    Hat’s off Stu, If I had that on my knob, I’d think I’d grown a second bellend!

    G

    lemonysam
    Free Member

    I reckon the time has come to nip it off with a razor blade. what’s the worst that could happen?

    gatsby
    Free Member

    Sam, my legs involuntarily cross at the very thought… 😯

    G

    IHN
    Full Member

    what’s the worst that could happen

    Septicaemia

    wwaswas
    Full Member

    Septicaemia

    Regular attention with dettol and a wire brush should keep that at bay.

    theotherjonv
    Full Member

    I have a distinct (yet mild) sense of relief caused by the realisation that singlespeedstu’s tape measure is a metric one.

    Relief, because my first thought was inches.

    Mild, because that’s still way bigger than what I’d consider a ‘skin tag’

Viewing 38 posts - 1 through 38 (of 38 total)

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