Viewing 40 posts - 121 through 160 (of 212 total)
  • Depression/suicide etc
  • badnewz
    Free Member

    “When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions”.

    That accident could have been a lot worse but still for a car to flip over from just being clipped is a bit strange.

    grum
    Free Member

    It only flipped on it’s side not upside down. It is very strange, I couldn’t believe it. We weren’t going fast either.

    There was a perfect little tree root ramp in the hedge just where we collided though. Her car will almost certainly have been written off I would guess but mine is fine really – slight scrapes on the back/side but not even deep and a slight chip out of the plastic on the back of the wing mirror.

    Keep thinking about how much worse it could have been. I’m not driving any more (obviously) until the hand is fully healed and my mental state is improved.

    Jamie
    Free Member

    I know I am missing the point, but did they clip you as they were on your side of the road? Or both parties a little bit too central?

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    grum
    Free Member

    I would say I was probably near to the middle of the road and they were pretty much on their side of the road but it was a narrow lane. I think what may have more caused them to flip was them swerving sharply into the hedge to try and avoid me rather than the actual impact of us clipping each other but it’s hard to say. All a bit of a blur TBH.

    Police and the woman were amazingly pleasant about it for some reason :-/

    Jamie
    Free Member

    Maybe they have read this thread, and thought you were going through enough as it is?

    grum
    Free Member

    Heh – dunno not that you would expect any different but think she was grateful I ran straight over to help get her kids out of the car and she could see how mortified I was.

    grum
    Free Member

    Just reading through all the responses again – made me smile, thanks again everyone. There are genuinely some really lovely people on here. I mean, seemingly even jambalaya is capable of being pleasant sometimes. 🙂

    aracer
    Free Member

    I think most people are genuinely nice. We get accustomed to expect people to be arses because those make more noise, but actually they’re a minority. I’m sure she realised it was just an accident and it was your actions afterwards which defined you rather than your moment of inattention. Just as a little anecdote, I once rolled my car onto a police car! Single track road, mud on surface, I was going too fast downhill, police car coming the other way, I couldn’t stop, so steered left up the bank to try and avoid it. Policeman in car was also very nice and friendly about it – rather than having a go he spent his time reassuring me because I was gutted at being so stupid. These things happen, don’t beat yourself up.

    Hope you get yourself sorted, and I’ll take you up on that offer some time.

    grum
    Free Member

    Heh, funny story! Trying not to beat myself up is my no 1 problem I think. I do it constantly – one of the things that starts to feel unbearable at points. Always overanalyzing everything and thinking of ways I should do/have done things better. Drives me mad.

    Cheers aracer.

    grum
    Free Member

    WRT what people were talking about while I was away, I feel I have to put on a ‘mask’ when around people which can feel really false and draining. I hate to feel like I’m bringing the mood down or being grumpy/negative around other people so I have to make an effort not to. Sometimes however acting happy can actually make me feel more happy so it’s a tricky one to judge sometimes.

    But generally at the moment I just find other people stressful/exhausting so I just want to be on my own most of the time – but obviously that’s not very healthy/sustainable long-term.

    neilthewheel
    Full Member

    ^yes, that’s just another symptom of depression. Nothing to worry about!

    funkmasterp
    Full Member

    I spend too much time napping at the weekend. Just exert so much energy pretending to be happy at work that I feel ruined at the weekend. Things are getting slightly better now I’m back out on the bike and FunkmasterJunior is sleeping by himself though.

    jamj1974
    Full Member

    grum – Member
    WRT what people were talking about while I was away, I feel I have to put on a ‘mask’ when around people which can feel really false and draining. I hate to feel like I’m bringing the mood down or being grumpy/negative around other people so I have to make an effort not to.

    Very, very familiar.

    grum
    Free Member

    And then I feel like people are going to think ‘dunno why people say he is depressed, seems fine to me’ and think that I’m putting it on when I feel like it, or using it as an excuse, etc…

    jamj1974
    Full Member

    ^^ that’s familiar too!

    grum
    Free Member

    Feeling very low again today. Fourth attempt at getting hand operated on tomorrow, which will no doubt be fun. :-/

    CaptainFlashheart
    Free Member

    Grum, that photo on the S&S thread. Go and look at it. Now.

    Take your time.

    Just focus on those feelings. The way that day, and that picture, makes you feel.

    The sound. You can hear it, can’t you? The pow under the edges, then the silence when you stopped.

    That silence? Blissful, wasn’t it. Box that bliss up and sprinkle it around every day.

    Remember also – there’s a bunch of asshats you’ve never met a load of good folks here who’ve never met you and we are all, and I mean all, rooting for you.

    Now, back to those edges slicing through the pow…..

    jamj1974
    Full Member

    For me, when I feel unwell it’s all about riding it out. Like just holding on when the boat goes into a trough between the waves. For a while as I approach a crisis point the time in the dips gets longer and then as I start to recover, the troughs are shorter and less deep. Sometimes there is a blip and I can feel quite acutely low even as I recover.

    I’m not sure where you are or even if it’s similar for you, but hang in there. The seas will get smoother.

    On the hand surgery front, it mght be worth seeing if they will do shoulder block for surgery. Will possibly leave you feeling less knocked about…

    jamj1974
    Full Member

    CFH. That is truly brilliant. *Sincerely doffs hat.*

    aracer
    Free Member

    I think for me I’ve largely got to the point now where even when I’m in the deepest trough I know I will come out the other side and just have to hang on. As mentioned earlier it also helps knowing what helps get me through and having stuff in my diary which I know will help me recover so I just have to wait it out a few days if necessary. But then I’m currently feeling OK, so it’s easy to write this – I’ll try and remember to come on here when I’m next down and see how easy it feels then (TBH I tend to avoid threads like this when I am down as it doesn’t tend to help me)!

    wiggles
    Free Member

    For me, when I feel unwell it’s all about riding it out. Like just holding on when the boat goes into a trough between the waves. For a while as I approach a crisis point the time in the dips gets longer and then as I start to recover, the troughs are shorter and less deep. Sometimes there is a blip and I can feel quite acutely low even as I recover.

    That’s very much my coping mechanism, my head starts to wander thinking about all the bad things and I get low, I have to concentrate and start thinking about things to look forward to/be thankful for and I can feel myself slowly rising back up just need to concentrate long enough.

    MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    Funkmasterp – your comment about being exhausted at the weekend from putting on a front all week suddenly struck a chord. Something I need to keep an eye on. Had the “but your not the type” conversation with a colleague last week. Same day I had the “so how bad is it at the moment” conversation with MrsMC. Anxiety and depression are bad enough without having to keep multiple personalities going as well!

    Currently sat in a coffee shop trying to to summon up the motivation to go and face work. And I only do 24 hours a week.

    jamj1974
    Full Member

    I think many don’t expect people who experience depression or any other mental health issue to be high-functioning. I have also been told that I don’t seem the ‘type’.

    I think some of the issue come from a lack of understanding. However an additional observation is that most with depression or anxiety have been supremely strong up to a point and so have often been seen as resilient and as a ‘coper’. I think many of us still probably present a face to the world that way and that is one of our ‘masks’.

    aracer
    Free Member

    It’s funny really – I was kind of surprised when my counsellor said that I was high functioning, but then I do still get on with most of life (even if I’m really rubbish at some aspects of it and even the good bits sometimes feel like a struggle). The other thing, at least for me, is that a lot of my reluctance to reveal how I feel to others is the perception that if you’re depressed you’re incapable of doing anything and always miserable, and despite the world having moved on a bit there is still a lot of stigma. Yet clearly if they’ve not worked it out already that isn’t really an issue – it’s not as if it is all an act, I might not be the life and soul of the party, but genuinely am happy a lot of the time when I’m out with other people.

    brassneck
    Full Member

    I think many don’t expect people who experience depression or any other mental health issue to be high-functioning. I have also been told that I don’t seem the ‘type’.

    A lot of truth in this – a lot of people can ‘cope’ and by cope I mean perform well at work, but be a mess when they get out. A big problem is these people tend to get pushed harder and harder by themselves, and others thinking they are some kind of cut above who can deal with anything in any quantity.

    Couple off from our department at the moment, at least a couple more are borderline.

    jamj1974
    Full Member

    A big problem is these people tend to get pushed harder and harder by themselves, and others thinking they are some kind of cut above who can deal with anything in any quantity.

    So damn true.

    grum
    Free Member

    CFH – thank you, that was lovely. Find it quite hard to imagine ever doing stuff like that again when I feel like this but definitely helped.

    Hand pinned and plated now – feels like its gripped in a vice and hurts like hell. At least it’s mending now though.

    RustySpanner
    Full Member

    Well, looks like it’s my turn.

    Had a bit of a breakdown.
    Two weeks off and due to go back to work today.
    Didn’t make it.
    Massive row with my wife which has resulted in me admitting I need help.
    Off to the quacks as soon as I can get an appointment, for something, anything.

    In a very bad place right now.
    Feel utterly worthless.
    Less than that.

    Despite everyone telling me they love me, I just can’t see why they bother.

    Not planning on hurting myself or anyone else, but it would be quite nice not to be here today.

    Just reread all this and it really helps.
    Sorry.

    northshoreniall
    Full Member

    Sorry hear that rusty – im in tge same place, even row with wife ( mine not yours 🙂 ) go quacks and be honest about how are and don’t dismiss meds if offered as they help sometimes but discuss all options.
    Does work offer any support/ counselling? Ive started some with work but their tight so will need self fund some soon 🙁 I spent last weekend with the worthlessness feeling too but ok this week – suppose just trying point out it does/ can feel better and talking my doc helped a lot.

    RustySpanner
    Full Member

    Thanks for your reply.

    Local council are excellent.
    My wife is currently using them for exactly the same thing.

    I’ve been so focussed on her getting better I had no idea I was this bad.

    Sorry.

    CaptainFlashheart
    Free Member

    Sorry

    What for? Don’t be!

    northshoreniall
    Full Member

    You sound mirror of me – we’ve had tough 18 month with bereavements/ failed ivf/ miscarriages and focused so much on others forgot about self. Way I put it is I’ve run out of cope and need the support now, which is fine.
    Time let self be looked after and come first for a while. I’m reading book called Depressive illness – curse of the strong. It’s helping put perspective on it for me.
    And Yeah, why Sorry? There’s nothing wrong with needing help.

    RustySpanner
    Full Member

    Thanks so much for your responses.

    I’m supposed to be the strong one.
    Always have been.
    I help people, it’s what I do.
    I think that’s come back to bite me.

    If I don’t go to work, I can’t contribute financially.
    I just don’t think I can face that and I’m really scared.

    Am about to give my boss a call,.god knows what I’m going to say.

    northshoreniall
    Full Member

    Nobody is supposed be the strong one – seriously have a look at the book I mentioned above, is good.

    Depends how supportive work are but mental illness is nothing to hide and I’m always amazed how supportive friends/ colleagues are – and I should know better as I’m a specialist occupational health nurse! :). I’d be open and tell them as easier in long run.

    RustySpanner
    Full Member

    Care Worker.
    🙂

    Probably time for a new job.
    I’m caring for people at work and have been doing the same at home.

    Time for something less stressful, let’s face it, wherever I end up the money can’t be any worse.
    But I’m 48 and don’t know how to do anything else anymore.

    northshoreniall
    Full Member

    I dont think i know a healthcare worker not looking for a way out, especially at the moment 🙂 The lottery must make millions off the hopeful care staff!Even though this is first I’ve contributed to this thread despite what put above, reading it all has been a great support.
    I think it is easy forget/ dismiss how much emotionally is given in the line of work you do and then reserves for self get depleted, especially if caring outside work too – take time for self and recover. Go ‘soul biking’ as a mate of mine described a solo bivvy I went on recently -was perfect description. Must trademark that as the next niche 🙂

    RustySpanner
    Full Member

    Thank you.

    tenfoot
    Full Member

    In a very bad place right now.
    Feel utterly worthless.
    Less than that.

    I’ve felt like this in the past. I had to leave a job a few years back, as I was spiraling downwards, mainly bought on by the pressure of keeping the job and being able to feed the family.

    Mostly when I’ve felt like that, I’ve been able to step back and think about the fact I’ve managed to keep a roof over everyone’s head, think about the fact I have some decent friends, and seem to get on well with people, and just generally try to focus on the positive points of my life. Of course, this is very difficult when you’re so low, but trying to take stock might help you turn up again.

    Apologies if the above sounds a bit preachy, but it has helped me in the past, so I thought I’d pass it on.

    jamj1974
    Full Member

    I’m supposed to be the strong one.
    Always have been.
    I help people, it’s what I do.
    I think that’s come back to bite me.

    I think that’s the same for many who have posted. So don’t feel stupid or sorry. You’ve done amazingly to cope for this long.

    If I don’t go to work, I can’t contribute financially.
    I just don’t think I can face that and I’m really scared.

    That to my knowledge is common too and certainly my experience. A decent employer will give you support until you recover. Whilst I know there is a lot of pressure for care workers now – believe me, with some rest, recuperation and intervention, you will be able to cope again and this will mean you will be able to provide. I know you are scared now, but when you have recovered some strength and resilience – work will be bearable.

    Am about to give my boss a call,.god knows what I’m going to say.

    . Tell them you are having a hard time. Tell them you are getting help but need some breathing space.

    Good luck. PM me if you want to talk.

    RustySpanner
    Full Member

    Thanks everyone.

    Whilst I know there is a lot of pressure for care workers now – believe me, with some rest, recuperation and intervention, you will be able to cope again

    To compensate for the minimum wage increase, they’ve found another way to screw us by nearly £1000 a year.
    That’s nearly a tenth of my wage.
    They see us a disposable and our years of experience mean nothing.
    It’s horrible.

    I know that when I go back they will have found another way to make what was the best place I’ve ever worked, a wonderful, happy place into a living hell.

    Currently just rereading this thread.
    It really helps.

Viewing 40 posts - 121 through 160 (of 212 total)

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