You still in Hebbers Grum?

Working today and tomorrow but off Friday.
Fancy a coffee and a quick spin?

Re Samaritans – not gonna happen. I just generally hate talking to people on the phone, have a bit of a phobia about it since someone threatened to find me and shoot me over the phone when I was about 14 (!).

Take a look at the CALM website, they have an online chat service which means you don’t have to pick up the phone.

Rusty I’m not but I’m not too far away – sounds tempting, will have to see how I’m doing later in the week if that’s ok. Thank you.

Screw that thinking Grum. You are one of the people on here that I think of as the good guys. I am sure that you are decent in real life as you come across on here.

I’ve been where you have been. I am telling you with certainty that those thoughts are twisted and your negatively-skewed perceptions are not accurate right now.

PM me if you want to talk. If you are ever near Brum, maybe even go out on the bike.

Jay

. Unless I’m actually on an adventure I’m miserable as ****.

There’s your answer right there….

I’ve met you and if you lived near me I imagine we’d be pretty good buddies. Not in the romantic sense like…..

you already know we get on…..so if you can get on with me you can get on with anyone mate

I wouldn’t shag you, but i thought you were proper nice, friendly, fun, great to get on with

This shit makes me warm inside.

I figured if I jumped off a big enough cliff somewhere climbing then at least my mum might think it was an accident not suicide

Had similar thoughts last year. In fact I had similar thoughts as a teenager, too.
Remove those thoughts… Get a change of scenery, a new perspective on things.

I’m currently sat at St Barts in London watching my mum to through chemo. Puts a whole new perspective on life. So many amazing people working here…. All the way from the doctors and consultants, the nurses, the transport drivers and cleaners.

If you are feeling worthless (as I have in the past with my life and my job) then before you go and kill yourself go and work in a hospital and make people’s lives better….

Oh, and this…

Pleasure mate.

We’re over the Burnley side, just drop me a line whenever you fancy it.
Off Friday to Sunday this week, just let me know, anytime fine with me.

Be good to meet you, you always come across as a genuinely decent bloke.

This time last year I was just coming to the end of 3 months signed off work and adjusting to medication for anxiety and depression. I have some understanding of where you are.

I got help – some counseling and CBT helped me adjust how I saw my world, the medication bought me time to adjust.

12 months on, life is better. A lot of the issues are still there and aren’t fixed yet, but I’m dealing with them a lot better, with hardly any of the self loathing and despair of before. I’m about to pluck up the courage to try and get weaned off the medication to see how the world feels without it.

Seek help, it’s out there and it will help.

Fwiw, I’ve found volunteering has been good for my mental health. I do one or two mornings a month at a local Forestry Commission centre, and I’m about to start leading easy level bike rides to try and help people get into exercise through cycling. Helping out seems to help me as well.

It is completely possible to turn it around. Completely. And probably not as hard as you think! You have made the first step here, well done. For me admitting to it was by far the hardest step. By far!!!! After that it was all about looking for, and accepting, help. I went to the GP who steered me from there. Good luck!

Glad you’re still posting Grum. If you’re really set against the Sammaritans how about trying to get some counseling through your GP?

Hang in there buddy. I know life can bet difficult at times, but you’ll pull through. Can you afford to take a short break, just go somewhere to chill for a few days. Visit some old friends? Sitting with your own thoughts when in this type of mindset is never good.

Take care

If it helps to post on here, please keep doing it. I started something very similar on a forum about 3 years ago and I still use it as a support thing. It helps. People who don’t even know me have reached out in amazing ways to help me. The same is happening here.

You sound like you’re at the bottom of the rut. You’ll get out of it. Trust me. Learn from it and next time in, you’ll be better placed to cope with it.

I’ve emailed a psychotherapist I found helpful before about making an appointment. Given the sleeping pills to a friend.

Thanks again everyone. Do really appreciate the support. Will try and meet up with some of you soon as I think it would help.

You know, this is why this forum is so good. It really comes through on the stuff that matters and delivers support/banter/networking that is broadly right for the situation. Grum, never met you, but would echo the “one of the good posters” sentiments.
I think many of us have peered into the chasm of mental despair. Thankfully never gone over that edge myself, but like many 40 something blokes I have seen the edge of that edge and can genuinely see that it is a real thing and that it is a distortion of how you should see the world. We live in an amazing planet and if you can do just a few nice things then don’t feel the burden of needing to do all the nice things. Best of luck from sunny Leeds.

Glad to see your most recent post above 🙂

I meant to add earlier that I know what you mean about talking on the phone to the Samaritans. I can’t talk to a complete stranger over the phone about that sort of thing. After a few false starts I found a great counsellor though.
Where I live (east Chesire) if you are feeling suicidal, the GP sends you to the secondary mental health support team the same day, and they are pretty good.

I’ve emailed a psychotherapist I found helpful before about making an appointment. Given the sleeping pills to a friend.

Genuinely glad to read that. Take care of yourself and keep us updated

Grum, I’ve looked at loads of your photos and they’re bloody great

I’ve also read quite a few of your posts over the years and I don’t think I’ve ever considered you to be an arse – not bad going TBH, you’re definitely in the top five percent of humanity with that 😀

Good stuff on contacting the therapist and dumping the pills – positive actions. PLEASE follow up on the therapy

Did you say you were a photographer?
Do you do weddings?

(Son’s getting wed next year & needs a photographerist)

How’s about we have a ‘Grum ride’?
Ton could organise it cos he’s good at that. 😉

There was a really good article on either R2 or R4 today about depression and electro shock therapy , worth checking out on iplayer as it might be an option

I fancy a tour of the arse end of Leeds.
🙂

Or, we could try and finish the ‘Tour de Lees’?
The outward leg consists of a scenic loop around Radcliffe, Moston, Middleton and Royton, visiting the best of John Willie’s public houses in the area.
No plans for the return leg, the only time I’ve tried it I had to be picked up from The Railway in Royton after forgetting where I’d left the bike.

i am up for organising a ride. just need Graham to say so and it shall be sorted.

i am up for organising a ride

.

Not round Leeds again FFS! 😉

Some sound advice on this thread, not all therapists are the same, I’ve discovered some are more preacher like and others genuinely seem to be helpful, last Christmas I spent some time with one who is also a Buddhist and I was in awe watching them work.

Your post about a climbing accident and Mountain rescue being trained for these things, it still doesn’t stop it effecting them, especially as volunteers they may have to deal with an incident in the early hours of the morning then go to work like normal afterwards, I’m not MR but a member of a SAR team and my post in that other thread was based on experience of finding someone known to me.

Hello Grum. Fellow miserablist here. Hope you’re ok.
If you are ever near North London and fancy going for ride/pint let me know.
I do most of my riding whilst folk are at work. 🙂

@ Alpin – I hope your mum’s treatment goes well.

Didnt want to read and run….

Never met you mate, but as above, you come across as one of the good guys. Keep on keeping on and talk to people, on here or via your gp or Samaritans.

We are all rooting for you mate.

There’s so much great advice on this thread. I can’t really add much beyond moral support. Rootin’ for ye, Grum.

I can relate 100% to the thing about having time off when no-one else does leaving you feeling isolated, or feeling like you’re the kid in detention with your nose pressed against the glass watching the other kids out playing.

I work shifts and it’s a common occurrence. It’s more debilitating than we realise sometimes.

Heartening to see so many people offering you their time on this thread – you should take a punt on some of them. I have a circle of friends I wouldn’t have now just from taking a punt on offers of a ride with complete strangers off STW.

Before you know it CTBM will be dishing out stickers with “be less glum and more Grum” on for Grum rides..

Glad to see there us an upswing

Glad to hear the update this morning grum. Step in the right direction. If there is a grum ride organised, I’ll be there!

You’ve got a live to for – you just don’t know it yet!

Set yourself a goal(s).

Life is battle -many ups and downs will make you a stronger person as you get through this.

Been there too.

I would definitely give you a hug if you were nearby.

Over the years you’ve given me great advice on dealing with CFS.

I’ve met you and I’ve met Rusty spanner, you really will get on. Try and take up his offer. Sometimes doing the things we feel we can’t do (such as meeting a stranger from an mtb forum,) is just the ticket.
Bunnyhop x

Hey Grum.

Baby steps. Be kind to yourself, and it sounds like you are being so.

I would like to empathise with the ‘living the dream’ conundrum. I live on the edge of the alps and have a great family. I work all over the world on really interesting projects and honestly get a thrill out of the professional work I do (not always though: like lots of things it can get bogged down in admin and H&S..but I digress.). Anyway I have lots of ‘down-time’ when I’m not working as I am freelance and waiting for the next contract to come in…and I spend it moping around the house feeling like I’m some sort of waster, that I’m not contributing, that I’m not normal etc. I look after our children during holidays and this adds to my frustration whereas I should feel like I’m blessed with this amazing opportunity.

It all came to various crunch points over a period of time form about 2 years ago, and a lot of last year was spent having 1 on 1 coaching via. Skype. It wasn’t all easy, and it opened some dark deeper stuff, but overall it has re-calibrated me emotionally if you will and I feel much more rounded, stable and understanding of my emotions as a result, they’re still there, I still have such feelings, but now I can at least recognise them and I try to note them and move on and not let them affect me.

You’re not alone, lots of guys of certain age seem to struggle mentally, and now more than ever they can be dealt with and talked about, and certainly I’ve come to realise this more from this thread this whole ‘alternative earning methods’ can make you feel different ; but it’s common!!

Anyway, bit of a ramble, but I’m sure you realise now that we’re all here for everyone when there is a need.

Thanks again peeps, genuinely helping.

Went out on my bike yesterday and maybe partly cos I wasn’t really giving too much of a shit about myself I tried a pretty big drop I’ve never dared do before and messed it up. Over the bars, fairly deep hole in my leg above my knee, massive swollen (possibly broken) hand and a nice black eye. Marvelous. :-/

It’s weird innit mugsy and Stef – in some ways it’s great being able to ride when it’s quiet and everyone else is at work but it’s rare that I’m free at weekends when everyone else is. Wish I knew more self-employed folk round here who wanted to SHRED GNAR during the week.

Can’t add much to what’s been said but if your north westish n fancy a pedal n a pint I’m your man.

grum won’t be able to post here for a while. 😐

(no, no, no, don’t worry, nothing like THAT!)

He is however, massively appreciative of the responses and support so far and will be checking in regularly.

Ouch Grum. Sounds sore as hell!

Missed this thread when it first got posted, but just wanted to add my empathy – I sometimes have very similar feelings, and certainly have very similar issues. What gets me through is reminding myself that it’s not always black or even grey – there are still highlights in my life which make it all worth it. Have actually had a bit of a downer this week – a while since I’ve had one like that, but seem to have come out of it surprisingly quickly (I think I know why, just need to work out how to duplicate that!)

Hey chap, you don’t know me, butI’ve been aware of you as a regular poster here on my on and off visits over the past few years and always felt you were one of the stand up guys here. So I’m gutted to hear you’ve been dealt a duff hand by life and probably love, they do have a habit of destroying you in an attempt to blame someone else for their own failings, but enough of that If you fancy a mini adventure and maybe help someone at the same time, have a wander down to Herts and see the Jedi for a session. There’s a young guy down there Sam, who was trying to break into photography last I was there and maybe some advice from you could help. Sometimes helping others can lift your spirits and it can make you feel better about yourself. Meeting and talking to Tony (the ‘Jedi’ dude) and listen to his tales of how he gets so much from helping others to ride better and you never know, your own riding might also benefit however good you already are, I can definitely recommend it, I went there one time during a period when my world was collapsing and it was the best thing I’d ever done, better than buying a new bike and it gave me the feeling that life wasn’t over for me after all (I was feeling old, shit, worthless and my future at the time was definitely the bleakest it had ever been). Give it a try.

Hey Grum,
Not sure where in the UK you are but I’m a shift worker so get free time during the day midweek a lot and normally get out for a pedal whenever I can. I’m in Leeds.
If you’re local and want a spin and a natter let me know. I can’t say I have any advice or answers but its good to get out the house and take your mind off things. Rooting for you matey

Hello grum ,rusty spanner reminded me via another thread …I was thinking about this last weekend.
If you’ fancy , in a couple of weeks time ,I’d be happy to head up north for a Midweek daytime ride. Hopefully your wounds may have healed by then.
You show your fave local trails perhaps?

Hey Grum. First of all, I completely sympathise with what you described in the OP, and am glad of the good responses you have received so far.

Do I remember correctly that you were a member of mtb-wales? If so, does that mean you live in Wales? And if so, would you be interested in meeting up for a ride, a coffee, or a pint (once you’ve healed up, of course!).

Regardless, know that you’ve got a lot of people on your side!

Grum, hope you feel better soon and the swellings also heal.
Take care, hope you manage to meet up with the guys here soon.