Hi, I'm a regular here, but I'm embarrassed and ashamed, so duplicate log-in. If this is a problem, then mods please delete and sorry. Least of my problems just now.
I've been suffering with stress and depression for some time now. I have been drinking far too much. I'm not dependent, I don't feel I have to drink. But once I start, I can't stop until I'm totally drunk.
When I start drinking, I feel good for an hour or two, but then things start getting very very dark. And I'm becoming erratic.
I'm very hung over. I've been crying. Late last night I had a row with my teenage daughter - there's always a fight over bedtime. I burnt all her magazines to teach her a lesson. It seemed the right thing to do at the time. She's hysterical today. I feel awful.
Then I stayed up all night reading about suicide. Somehow came to my senses and emailed the samaratins. I didn't want to speak to anyone. They've not come back yet, but I'm sure they will.
My wife is being brilliant. She has strongly suggested I seek help, and I think she's probably right.
I feel so low and empty, things have been buidling to a head. Ironically, yesterday was a relatively good day. I went riding for the first time in ages.
Didn't especially enjoy it. I'm not enjoying anything, music or books or anything really lately.
I think I have ruined my relationship with my daughter. I feel so bad. My wife is great, she has some experience with mental health issues, which is good, as I feel like I have gone mad. I feel like I mess everything up and ruin everything for everyone around me.
Main thing is, I have to stop drinking. At all. I can't trust myself not to abuse it. I can't stop once I start and it just makes things worse.
Sorry to go on and on like a boring bastard, suppose I just needed to vent. Would be good to hear from anyone who's been in a similar state, as I really need to turn things around. Thanks for reading. Sorry to be such a downer.