It comes up a lot on here, from time to time. It seems to really polarise views. Between the more empathetic, those who’ve suffered themselves (I’m one) and people who maybe don’t fully understand what it’s really like (this isn’t a criticism)

worth reading

I was really glad to read someone put it so eloquently, and honestly. But reading it also hurt.

I wasn’t well

I am now

It’s **** shit.

Do like this: “I have a suspicion that society, in its heart of hearts, despises depressives because it knows they have a point”. Optimists are generally idiots so it’s not really fair that they’re often happier…

just about sums up my last 20 years!!! the last 18 months have been really crappy and have seen me at my worst. now im on some industrial grade drugs and have removed myself from a poisonous workplace things are looking up. its still really shit at times but getting better….

Been in the deep dark place a few times. I can now recognise the early signs that I’m slipping and can take some action to prevent the on coming pit. Sometimes that is enough to bring me back to my normal, but in all honesty normal for me isn’t that nice a place, it’s still full of the fears, insecurities and shadows. When I’m feeling well I know the “other” is never far away.

I need to learn how to allow myself to be happy. It’s hard.

*puts hand up*

Work related only, thank you HMPS.

Yep reading it hurt, in fact it made me cry because so many things were exactly how I feel.

Been there, got the scars ( both physical amd emotional) pretty much in control these days and I know the triggers and early warning signs for me, but still struggle with a massively screwed self image and trips into a bkeak downward spiral when it ambushes me.

Work related here too. Been in bad places a couple of times, but sympathetic other half and very supportive GP have allowed me to develop greater self awareness and understanding of triggers, enabling me to act before it develops into something debilitating.

Aye.

I never understood or could relate to depression… until it happened to me in my mid thirties following the death of a close friend. Took a few years to gradually climb out of that hole. Now I totally get it, and have full respect and sympathy for anyone going through it.

Rings true for me.

Most people in here are great about depression. Thanks for the support I’ve had.

Yea, it’s really s#*t.

Never gets easier to handle, my ‘episodes’ seem to have more frequently now too.

It’s been a good few years now, but I was very close to the edge, hospitalised for 3 months at High Royds. No real reason for being on a downer, though in retrospect, a lot of little things, some of which were not worth worrying about anyway.

Whilst in crisis EVERYONE said I can’t believe that YOU are depressed. Me, much as I am now, someone who is usually smiling.

It happens to all sorts.

It was hard getting through it.

I guess it’s 15 years gone now and I have pulled through. There are times when it threatens to come back, and I have to say I do not want to go back there.

Well, I think you’re all brave to admit to; and to say in public about your mental health, and says volumes about you all.

One of the most misunderstood conditions IMO

I’ve suffered from bouts of depression over the last 10 or so years. A lot of things in that article really hit home.

Being self employed means that depression can really screw up my motivation which then has a significant affect on my productivity and earnings and this only makes the situation worse. Periods of depression completely knacker my ability to be a productive and focused person. I’m actually considering going back to working for an employer in order to bring some stability back into some areas of my life. I think stability is key for me when it comes to dealing with the black dog.

I’ve had it for most of my life. I’ll probably always have it.

Out of all the problems I deal with, it is the one I find most difficult to talk about, and am still in the closet about to the vast majority of people.

Somehow I am still ashamed of suffering from depression, even though I know it is an illness and is not my fault. Ridiculous really.

My favourite statement regarding depression is that is it is the cost of MTFUing too many times.

This is well time thread as I was actually talking about depression with one of my students tonight and she was amazed that I suffer.

When I asked her why she was amazed, she said ” well you just don’t seem the type ” well what is the type ?

Someone stuck in a corner in a dark room ?? Someone in hospital for it ??

No it’s a illness, there should be no more stigma to it than someone walking down the road with an arm in plaster or limping because they have gout.

I can now tell when it’s coming on and I use winston churchills definition of the black dog so my mates know when I say the dog is barking they know what I mean. They know if I need them to let them know, likewise I may just want to be alone.

I’m finding its crap but manageable.

Never suffered so I have nothing to add
It is good that finally we are at a point where folk can talk openly about it and glad STW provides some support to you all

Maybe of use to people who aren’t sure if they are depressed or not
http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx

I know I suffer from sleep issues (waking up ridiculous o’clock), over eating at times, lack of motivation and my concentration is poor, but on a scale only 7/27, although score has been far higher in the last few years

Very good summary & like Binners said – painful.

Very good and far to close to home.

Though over the last few years I am much better. Since being diagnosed with MS I have found dealing with my depression much easier.

I think that there are two factors in the improvement, first my attention span and memory is shot to bits which has the positive effect that my brain is no longer capable of sustaining the deep dark cyclical depressive trains of thought in the long, long dark of the night, so I sleep better.

Secondly I have a reason for my depression, its just another one of my many symptoms, so I no longer feel guilty about suffering from it. I don’t feel guilty about struggling to walk, so why should I feel guilty about my depression? Guilt is one of the major building blocks of depression. Take away the ‘why am I so crap that I can’t pull myself together’ and the depression itself is weaker and so easier to fight.

I only went to see my Gp because of a thread on here. I’m now on some meds which have literally changed my life which is fantastic, it has however made me realise how difficult and miserable the last 30 years have been BUT how great the next 20 will be. So thanks STW for that much.

That was very close to home, sat at work trying not to show how f’ing close that is to home.

I have suffered with depression since i was 17 but was only diagnosed with it when i was 26, broke down on my way to work one morning, it sucks. I have been pretty good for the past 5/6 years but i know the early warning sings and what i can do to try stop it.

My favourite statement regarding depression is that is it is the cost of MTFUing too many times.

Years of this is what got me.

Every day is terrifying in its own way, suffocating and unpredictable…

I have anxiety disorder which results in OCD and depression. I also likely have SAD as each winter I turn into a lothesome monster. I’ve been on meds for the last 3-4 years, had moments of clarity, moments of mania and generally am able to function in a manner of sorts. I work, and love it, but struggle to maintain working relationships where people lack integrity. Sadly my honesty in recent years has burnt a few bridges, I do wonder if it’s worth trying at all…

This year (April to April) I’ve decided to take part in the Dogwood photography challenge, and theme it around mental health. I’m posting my pictures on Behance here: https://www.behance.net/gallery/34696843/Dogwood-Challenge and on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/shortlandpalmer/

Feel free to follow and comment 🙂

Since a family incident and sufering from cfs a few years I’ve been teetering on the edge. Mtbing always saved me and kept me sane.
I’ve now dropped a person from my life who was my best friend for over 20 years, which has helped. She was draining and of no help when I needed her.
However I can longer mtb so some mornings its hard to get out of bed.
I’ve turned into a good actress.
Also not watching too much news on telly has helped.
If it wasn’t for my wonderful friends and husband life would be hard.

@BigDave

Being self employed means that depression can really screw up my motivation which then has a significant affect on my productivity and earnings and this only makes the situation worse. Periods of depression completely knacker my ability to be a productive and focused person. I’m actually considering going back to working for an employer in order to bring some stability back into some areas of my life. I think stability is key for me when it comes to dealing with the black dog.

I know some people who choose to be self employed because of their depression, as it is very difficult to deal with in a full time, office based job, unless you have a really understanding employer. Being self employed (in some areas at least) people can take the time off to recover without HR breathing down their necks.

I know some people who choose to be self employed because of their depression, as it is very difficult to deal with in a full time, office based job, unless you have a really understanding employer. Being self employed (in some areas at least) people can take the time off to recover without HR breathing down their necks.

This for me, worked, going on my own, with control of some my own destiny made the difference I needed. I had massive anxiety issues associated with employer and with a wife who was very poorly and young kiddies, going on my own made the difference I needed. Still work long hours, but these are at times when I want to work and are not set in stone. Also found that mood has changed significantly and relationships between friends, family and people I work with far stronger and better with my new attitude.

I know some people who choose to be self employed because of their depression, as it is very difficult to deal with in a full time, office based job, unless you have a really understanding employer. Being self employed (in some areas at least) people can take the time off to recover without HR breathing down their necks.

I think the problem I have is that I now can’t get away from bloody work since I’ve gone self employed. I don’t seem to have any down time anymore and I’ve come to realise that being able to get away from everything in the evenings and weekends and being able to step away from all work responsibility is one thing that keeps me sane. I enjoy many aspects of what I do but my work life balance is now too work orientated and because what I do is very labour intensive things are unlikely to change any time soon. I suspect being a lone worker also has a part to play, trundling round in a van all day can be very isolating.

Nice one palmer77!

jamj1974 – Member
Nice one palmer77!
POSTED 13 HOURS AGO # REPORT-POST

Thanks fella 🙂

mefty – Member
My favourite statement regarding depression is that is it is the cost of MTFUing too many times.

POSTED 1 DAY AGO # REPORT-POST

This.

Its a terrible terrible illness, because you “look” ok, to the outside world, no physical signs.

I hate it, the emptiness, shame, exhaustion, the panic of simple things, shopping, getting the kids ready for school, putting on a show that you’re ok, when you’re screaming in your head,

I remember being told once that I needed to get out, get exercise…..I can still see the look on their face when I explained that’s hard to do when you’ve used everything you’ve got to get up, appear ok when you drop kids into school it was like it clicked with them that he’s not just feeling down.

Having a tough time at the moment, I so desperately need a rest from it, I know it will come but it seems so far away when you’re in it.

I love the article in issue 78 by Tom…it’s a great piece of honest writing.

Great article.

First week back at work after 4 months off with anxiety and depression, mostly work related. Finally feel normal enough to start seriously looking for another job.

Though it has made me realise my “normal” probably hasn’t been for most of my adult life.

I’ve suffered from bouts of depression over the last 10 or so years. A lot of things in that article really hit home.

Being self employed means that depression can really screw up my motivation which then has a significant affect on my productivity and earnings and this only makes the situation worse.

This has been pretty much my experience over the last twenty or so years. At one time I used to make a good living re-designing and fitting bathrooms, I’d do the lot, which people seemed to like as they only had to deal with one tradesman. Then, gradually I found myself unable to work out the logistics of what I had to do and in what order and found myself wishing that I had someone else to discuss the job with (I didn’t have) because all my confidence seemed to have drained away.

The last complete re-fit that I did had me, by the time it was finished, in pieces. The customer loved the job but I felt it had destroyed me.
So, I don’t do that any more and, as I approach 64, I’m doing more physically demanding work than at any time in my life – dealing with a lot of very big fallen ash and beech trees plus some dry stone walling and fencing. It’s hard work and I’m only a little bloke but as a result I’m fitter than I have been in years and more content within myself.

The same ethos seems to have carried over into my bike riding too – whereas I used to love faffing with suspension set-ups and gears as much as the next man, now I’m only really happy riding my rigid singlespeed. Friends say that it’s the only time my riding truly comes alive.
So I can deal with physical suffering but I can’t deal with decision making, I suppose. Weird.

Is there truth in what the article states, insomuch that people with anxiety and depression are actually more perceptive than those without, the see the detail and consequence that other either miss or choose to ignore? The phrase: ‘eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’ springs to mind…

I would have got more sympathy from my work if i had broken both my legs and better treatment. Many of the causes were work related and abated when fixed.

It was only when I pointed at my two managers and said I would sue both of them and the organisation if they did not help and treat me better as the OH report said, did things change.

Is there truth in what the article states, insomuch that people with anxiety and depression are actually more perceptive than those without, the see the detail and consequence that other either miss or choose to ignore? The phrase: ‘eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’ springs to mind…

There is a certain amount of truth in it. You can read about it in this book

Dr. Redfield Jamison mainly looks at manic depression (Bipolar), she is a sufferer herself. However, it does not mean All people with depression or mania have this certain “gift”. It is quite interesting to note that, despite the difficulties associated with BiPolar, quite a high percentage of sufferers would not eradicate it completely. It is more of a case of gaining control.

Andy R, I know exactly what this feels like:

Then, gradually I found myself unable to work out the logistics of what I had to do and in what order and found myself wishing that I had someone else to discuss the job with (I didn’t have) because all my confidence seemed to have drained away.

When I am approaching the crisis point, my ability to manage information and make decisions deserts me. I then spiral into further anxiety and feed my depressive state.