Must have been about 13 / 14 and was doing something with a garden fork (can’t remember what). Mum called me in and I went to put the fork into teh grass so it would stay standing up. Not really sure why I wanted to do this either! Anyway, not paying attention and it was a nice hot day, so lawn was rock hard. Used all my might to ram it down – straight through my trainer & foot. I was now pinned to the grass by a garden fork that had gone straight through trainer & foot. Mum had to pull the fork out. By some miracle it missed all the bones & blood vessels.

Another childhood incident. Group of us with paper planes and rubber ban planes. I volunteered to go up the 8 foot step ladder and get a really good launch. Only thing I remember was coming round and seeing the step ladder woble above me, followed by a drunk style walk back home & a trip to A&E for Xrays and TLC!

Out on the lash one night a friend was demonstrating his trick with flaming Sambuca: put measure of sambuca in mouth, dip match in, when it lights blow out and then swallow. Very impressive. A female friend at the table volunteers to do same, except she asks me to light the sambuca as she is “too scared”. Some how it doesn’t quite work, as I wave a lit match around inside her open mouth and she ends up with quite serious burn to the roof of her mouth…

Though a most treasured memory is of a guy at school who wanted to throw stones at some other kids, bent down in the grass and picked up a dog turd by mistake…

I smashed my ankle to bits falling over a suitcase. Heading to the airport, the house had a couple of steps to get down to road level, I’m carrying the case down them. I put my foot down badly and slip, wrapping my leg round the suitcase.

It turns out that applying 20kg of luggage to right point on the leg is enough force to snap both bones and leave me with a plate and four or five pins in it.

The only good point was that it was on the way home from my holiday so I got an extra couple of days sitting immobile in the sun waiting for the insurance company to find me a new flight home as I missed the one I was booked on due to being on the way to hospital.

Changing a belt on the Focus. It has a spring loaded tensioner. I was lying underneath the car using a spanner to lever it back, and roundabout the time I thought, ‘If this lets go, I’m going to be in trouble’, it did.

Clocked myself in the face with the spanner, leaving a spanner shaped indent in my nose and a black eye. I still have a dent in the side of my nose where it moved bone or cartilage around.

As a teenager had a second go at lighting a crow scarer which had burnt down to the end of the wick. Crow scarer was placed in a cow pat. Exploding cow pat very painful on the face.

Few years ago doing some DIY was breaking up some old wood put a plank on low wall and karate kicked it. It broke alright put sprang up an the 2 2″ nails embedded into my calf muscle wife came out and asked why I had a plank of wood stuck to my leg. Then fell about laughing wen knew wat I had done. Took a couple of months before I cud get on bike an needed a tetanus

Prince Harry

A pal’s hubby broke his toe kicking his non-funcitoning washing machine.

Needed £60K of surgery to get him back working as a Phantom Navigator.