[Bangingheadagainstabrickwall]

At the moment our kids aare at the age where they are bounding around and simply not listening – difficult getting them to sit to eat, need telling multiple times to brush teeth, get dressed etc and simply seem to be a wall of noise and activity.

Now I know this is all to be expected, but I find myself needing to shout over them (I try talking in an authoritative and firm manner but that doesn’t seem to work) just to get myself heard.

Can anyone give me any tips on how they deal with this?

HELP!

It is just a phase. Should pass in time. Give it about 15 years.

Mate I’m breaking out in a rash of empathy and sympathy. My three year old is the same. What I’ve found works for me is the ‘I’m going to count to three and if you haven’t done X by the time I get to three then there will be no Y/Y is going to happen’ where Y is either something they really want or don’t want to have happen like being out on the naughty step.

It’s taken a while and at first he would get really stressed by me counting but now nine times out of ten I only get as far as two before he complies.

The key is following through with the consequence. If you don’t have a consequence it’s game over.

With hold a thing if they push it too far, TV, playstation, what ever luxury they really pine for. Maybe also look for an avenue for the engery.

The key is following through with the consequence

This – always, always, do what you threaten. Give them a clear warning and a short timeframe, then carry out sanction or praise (this is just as important IMO) as appropriate.

Show any signs of weakness and you’re doomed! 🙂

You get these dog collars that give out an electric charge when you press the remote control.

Worked a treat with my kids. 🙂

Counting to Three certainly works, but make sure all authority parties do the same. We used to count to three, and nursery used to count to five, and caused confusion. Counting to three and then actually doing the naughty step certainly works. Sit them there for <age> number of minutes, then when you go back, explain why you put them there, get them to apologise, and also explain what they are apologising for, give you a hug and then send them on their way.

Mine is still a little sh*t when I send him off to do something on his own. It’s not that he doesn’t do it, he just gets distracted, and is monumentally slow!

If you don’t have a consequence it’s game over.

*nods in agreement*

+1 wear them out and/or do something interesting with them

Took my (14 y/o) son to try .22 target shooting last night. He really enjoyed it. This morning, he’s still excited.

With-holding stuff only works in short bursts – few days max etc.

Yeah we do the ‘Count to 3’ thing and it really does work, but we are trying to stop it from being for every single little thing (ie ‘when bathing them and I ask ‘Can you stand up so I can wash your bottom’ I would like to think they will do it and not need the 1,2,3 threat).

Beat them, they’ll either comply or complain to childline. Before you know it social services will be round to take them away. Think of the peace and the money you’ll save. 🙂

The above advice on consequences is spot on. You must be very consistant with and you and your partner must apply the rules in excatly the same way. Good luck and remember what you do now with getting them to behave will pay you (and them) back in spades later.

Ours are 5 and 8 so I sympathise. Be careful with the ultimatums – there is value on maintaining an uncertainty of outcome. The naughty step is a bit last decade isn’t it?

Might be worth checking their hearing, they might have their ears bunged up with gunk 😉

Counting to 10 and if we get to 10 they go on the naughty step, if they go on the naughty step then we are going to ring santas elves to put them on the naughty list

Might be worth checking their hearing, they might have their ears bunged up with gunk

Hmm yeah. Last night I had the ‘bath’ situation outlined above. Then I said ‘Evie, do you want an ice cream’?

I’ll bet you can guess what her reaction was… 🙂

With regards shouting over the children to be heard….

Try not to do this. Children soon realise when you are stressed and that they are pushing the right button.
It’s better to talk so quietly that they have to shut up in order to hear you. It sort of bursts their bubble as you are not showing irritation at their noise.

It’s important to remember why they are trying to push your buttons too. They are getting to the age where they want to test your limits and discover what consequences will be brought upon them. Your response to this will stay with them for years (No pressure) and it’s important to be firm but fair. ALWAYS carry through your threats of consequence – so pre plan these and don’t go over the top. All adults should on the same page.

Even though they seem horrid at times and you probably find yourself loosing your rag on occasion, they are just being normal and testing their boundaries. You just need put the boundaries in place and enforce them.

Simple.

Don’t waste your time with the naughty step- lock them in the naughty cupboard!

Or go all the way, and get a Yosef Fritzl basement dungeon.

Try not to do this. Children soon realise when you are stressed and that they are pushing the right button.
It’s better to talk so quietly that they have to shut up in order to hear you. It sort of bursts their bubble as you are not showing irritation at their noise.

I can see the logic in this suggestion and I have tried this, it just doesn’t seem to work. Ie, this morning one daughter was trying to take the other daughter’s shoes from her when we were getting ready to go out. I tried talking quietly and calmly but they carried on and it ended up in a hair pulling, me raising my voice (as I saw the pull about to happen and shouted to try to stop her) and an immediate naughty step (we have a zero tolerance rule for certain things like hair pulling, throwing things at each other etc).

+1 for it’s because they get distracted easily, rather than outright naughtiness, often anyway.

My 5 year old is like this. Ask him to get dressed for school, ten minutes later he’ll have only his pants on his head doing acrobatics to make the baby laugh. It’s not badness, kids just aren’t wired up properly.

I usually only shout as a last resort, and after a warning. Ask first, then tell, then warn. Then let rip.

Brush your teeth please Sam.
Brush your teeth Sam.
If I have to tell you again I will be shouting to make sure you’ve heard me. Do you want me to shout at you?

No Dad.

9/10 the shouting isn’t required.

Shouting can be done in a controlled manner I think, and it sometimes stops them in their tracks and makes them realise you mean business. Obviously it then has to immediately revert to speaking calmly and so on – ‘Good boy, thank you’ or something like that, and a smile.

Shouting can be done in a controlled manner I think, and it sometimes stops them in their tracks and makes them realise you mean business. Obviously it then has to immediately revert to speaking calmly and so on – ‘Good boy, thank you’ or something like that, and a smile.

Agree, saving the shouting helps it make a proper impact when there is potentially an injury risk – running into roads etc.

The naughty step is a bit last decade isn’t it?

she changed it to the “timeout spot”

it might be last decade but it works

thegreatape – your suggestion sounds good. I might trying that angle.

Shouting can be done in a controlled manner I think, and it sometimes stops them in their tracks and makes them realise you mean business. Obviously it then has to immediately revert to speaking calmly and so on – ‘Good boy, thank you’ or something like that, and a smile.

Agree, saving the shouting helps it make a proper impact when there is potentially an injury risk – running into roads etc.

+1
you need about at least 5 different levels of threat to your voice.. exhaust every avenue first before voice raising (an impossible task when you’re tearing your hair out but something to aim for), and only ever use the top two most severe levels once or twice per year..

physically getting down on their level, to ensure good eye contact helps too..
My sister just barks orders and yells every instruction at her kids at full bore all day.. so the kids yell back and yell at each other.. there is nowhere left to go with it..
always leave somewhere left to go..

I seek out moments where their behaviour warrants the full power of my angry voice, just to remind them how scary it is, and how it has the power to make them instantly sit on their arse and cry.. It’s actually really quite difficult to find anything naughty enough to deploy it though..

You see it in quite a few autobiographies,

I only remember my father/mother really shouting at me once or twice during childhood

now has anyone got any advice for combating the high pitched ninja whinger..?

Brush your teeth please Sam.
Brush your teeth Sam.
If I have to tell you again I will be shouting to make sure you’ve heard me. Do you want me to shout at you?

No Dad.

I like this a lot. Will be trying it myself later.

rewards/star chart working a treat for us at the moment with 6 and 9 yr olds. Basically they each have an A3 chart and they get assigned varying numbers of stars per day based on their attitudes – so if they get dressed without grumping, and are off to school without fighting each other/their mum/me they might get 2 stars – if they tidy up their crap another star etc etc. We reckon it will take them about 3 weeks to fill a page, and at the end of it they will get something as a reward – poss a fiver supplement to pocket money of something – we haven’t got there yet though !

they like the concept are are each trying to beat the other one to fill their chart 😆

‘consequence’ is a great word to use, I am sure my two have no idea what it means, but if its mentioned by Dad, boy do they listen 😉

Change the meaning of words. When I ask my boys – “Boys, do you want a biscuit?”, this really means do you want a kick up the backside.

I don’t really kick them up the backside……..that much, but it is amazing how much they pay attention when they hear the word “biscuit”. And then when they are paying attention ask them to do what they are told…………or you’ll give them a biscuit!!

Sorry for the tangent but could someone explain,

If kids won’t do as they’re told, how does the Naughty Step work?

“Sit on the Step.”

“No.”

… ?

Then you physically put them on it.

And if they get up, you put them back on it.

And repeat.

My dad, just used to give me that look, that look that said, if I was within clouting distance I was going to get one hell of a clout! But if I was out of range and shut up and listened I might just be lucky and get a punch to the ribs 😉

We use a marble jar as an alternative to a rewards chart. When the jar is full, he gets a treat of some sort. Works both ways as marbles can be removed for naughtiness. We’ve completely emptied the jar a couple fo times too. Little git.

I think it works beter when there’s sibling competition. I heard of twins where the girl regularly filled her jar up and the boy didn’t. After a couple of weeks he cottoned onto the fact she was getting lots of treats, so he changed his behaviour.

I hate shouting but it is a last resort. Most recent bawling out though was for not looking when crossing the road. Scared the crap out of me.

I find getting down onto our thing’s level helps a lot – otherwise it’s just a voice booming orders from above (any wonder why religion became so popular?) – I get down eye-to-eye and do an if-then discussion – if you pick up all your crayons and put them away, then you can play with the iPad for a bit.

Kinda helps ours is obsessed with getting things done right and in the correct order anyhow 🙂

i just put this on when our 2 year old plays up….

it gets amazing results…. she doesnt sleep well at night but hey ho

joking aside…

our 2 1/2 year old is getting to the mental stage now, were finding it hard . picking up habits like spitting from nursery which is nice.

picking up habits like spitting from nursery

It’ll happen, along with biting, pinching and pushing. Its like chicken pox, best get it over and done with.

Make sure you can carry out the consequence! No point saying “If you don’t do xx then we will never go on holiday again!” or whatever.

I count to 5 before the consequence is initiated, usually with some leeway in the speed of counting when I can see that they are not being deliberately disobedient 🙂

We only shout when it is something dangerous, like riding her bike into the road, or undoing the straps on her car seat. It obviously has a lot of power, because she bursts into tears when you do it. Makes you feel terrible, but she mainly doesn’t ride her bike across roads without looking now.

We also do ignoring (if it is something annoying), or leaving the room. Like at bedtime, if she won’t put on her pyjamas, I say okay, night night, see ya tomorrow, and start to go out, and suddenly she wants pyjamas and stories and all that stuff.

Still have some moments, usually when she is super tired, where she is just mental, and I just have to go and sit outside and wait for a couple of minutes until she calms down and then come back in.

Oh and another thing I’ve started doing is getting up 10 minutes earlier. Just not being in that much of a hurry to get out makes life a lot less stressful, and in practice it seems like we leave 15 minutes earlier than we would when we hurry!

I bet it’ll be harder once she’s older, but right now it isn’t super stressful, which is all I can really hope for I guess.

picking up habits like spitting from nursery

Unfortunately, going by what nursery said to us yesterday, ours are the ones spreading the habits. Fortunately spitting isn’t one of them, but silly things like getting up and running around during meal times. They are the older ones so should be setting the example but their best friend (known since birth) is deaf so subsequently she is disruptive and our two join in with her too.

If you can’t beat them, join them Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

If I have to tell you again I will be shouting to make sure you’ve heard me. Do you want me to shout at you?

No Dad.

Me: Do you want me to get cross?

Our kid: Yes

If she thinks she is in trouble she basically rebels and plays up to being bad. You have to keep her on side. Which is very hard to do sometimes. She wants to be good, but sometimes she just can’t help herself. She’s more likely to be good when she’s happy, well rested and relaxed… So discipline creates a catch 22.