Riding home on Monday night I had a car try to squeeze between me and an island in the middle of the road. Instead of the usual tosser or similar, I called the driver a simpleton. No idea where that popped out from but I was chuckling about it for the next mile or so.

What insult has come out of your mouth unexpectedly recently?

I find myself going back to that old favourite, ‘bell end’.

Brexiter.

Steady on now, no need for that

I still enjoy the brevity and mild shock value of the c-word

‘Goddamn bonce-licking nanny cuddler’ gets used in situations where I have to avoid proper swearing.

I did call someone both a prat and a proper charlie the other day, that felt very old school.

Duckwad

You Merkin

You ignoramus

Brexiter.

I prefer “Brexit ****”, you can just tell can’t you?

I still enjoy the brevity and mild shock value of the c-word

What the word Charlie….Or Charles

Cock womble still sees a lot of use.

in the same way that ‘berk’ became a polite form of the worst word in the world (berkeley hunt), I’m thinking of starting a petition to get debated whether calling someone a ‘Farage’ can also be taken to mean the same.

Donald Trump is the current insult of choice in my kids primary school.

You Trump!

ding-a-ling

**** bellend

Chutney ferret.

dont know why, just makes me smile……

Spunkbubble and Cockwomble seem to have most bases covered these days.

Peasant or scrote if i don’t swear.
In a work setting microcephalous idiot works well.

coc oen

Its gotta be cock jockey. I do like some of the above though!

I still enjoy the brevity and mild shock value of the c-word

Doesn’t quite carry the same shock value up here, frinstance, someone can be labelled a ‘Good C__t’ and it’s seen as a term of endearment.

I tend to find that a shake of the head, or even better a chuckle tends to make the road ragers even more of a metal cocooned hardman.

nimrod

Its gotta be cock jockey

What about ‘pooftah’ or ‘fairy’?

twunt

If I’ve got the presence of mind, I tell him I pity his girlfriend. And then ride like mad!

Chutney ferret.

I used to work with a guy abut 15 years ago who used this a lot. Not from Burnley way are you?

Remainer

Knob jockey

Knob jockey

Again, what about ‘pooftah’ or ‘fairy’? Or ‘homo’? ‘Bender’, what about that?

I had no idea that berk was rhyming slang for the c-word!
I’d better stop calling my kids it 😳

effing pleb.

Imbecile.

Imbecile.

Nice, I’m definitely using that one.

Wazzock. Never bettered.

He’s right you know.

+1 for cockwomble 😀

Even my phone’s predictive text knows it well…

Wotsit Hitler

Another vote for Cockwomble here although ‘you knob-head…’ made its way out of my mouth from nowhere a while ago when the afore mentioned Mr. Head drove his car into mine, writing mine off.

[edit]amused by the way that ‘knob-head’ avoids the swearfilter but removing the hyphen doesn’t 😆

I tend to blurt out “Cretin!” quite often, though when driving my usual abusive outburst when someone of advanced years makes a dodgy/unsafe manouvere (which is several times a day living where I do) is “You silly old bastard!”, regardless of gender.

This has to be the best outburst ever (definitely NSFW!): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tJFgeerp5Q

I had an ‘incident’ with a van driver a few months back, quiet country lane, he had overtaken me once, fairly reasonably, but then had to stop when he met a lorry, there was room, so I went up the inside, while he was stationary, knowing he would be stopped for some time and it was safe for me to do so. Shortly after, further up the road, I was approaching a junction onto a main road, perhaps 20-25 yards away when said van decides he’ll overtake me again, despite me not being dawdling, his van being most of that length and the fact I signalling right. Without thought I flung my right arm even further out, almost across his bonnet, looked back and shouted at the top of my voice “Get back you c***!”. Scared myself to be honest, though I spent the next two miles home laughing to myself once the shock had worn off! My first real dodgy road experience like that, if I lived in London I can see me being banged up in the first week.

I’m currently a fan of phrasing an insult in the form of a rhetorical question, as in:

“What are you, some sort of ****?”

I’m not a homophobic asshat, so would never use it in anger, but the phrase cocoa-shunter is undeniably glorious.