I find the whole process of online dating soul destroying. Flicking through pages of faces on tinder just makes me feel judgemental and shallow

‘Phil Mitchell lookalike – left
Football fan – left
You seem to like your dog a bit too much – left
A picture of you cosied up with a woman, daughter/sister/ex who knows – left’

It’s hard to capture a person in one photo – but so many of the pics just send over the wrong message. I’m not that heartless in real life but being made to choose based on are picture does make you look at them critically

I sometimes think I should search the pics of women looking for men and see how we come across.

On Pof I find you get in undated if you have a public pic – and I’m not saying I’m anything special, it just feels as a woman like plenty of sharks rather than fish.

I am probably just not at the point where I am prepared to fully engage with online dating . . . But there seem few other options these days.

Sounds bloody awful.

But it depends on what you are looking for in a partner.

Women’s pics on Tinder aren’t much better. Group photos so you have no idea which one you are meant to be looking at, why? I also always swipe left on anyone who includes a motivational meme or pictures of their children.

Been with my girlfriend for a couple of months now, met her on tinder.

I’ve had more, shall we say success with women on tinder. My crazy filter is much better than it used to be, however I’ve also realised that I need a certain level of crazy…

I met my other half of 5 years on pof. Living together very happily now. There’s lots of dross on there so be strict and filter out at the profile or messaging stage. I filtered any who couldn’t be bothered to reply in proper English, didnt meet my criteria, Didn’t have a picture or a detailed profile. This saves a lot of wasted time on dates.

It’s hard work and can be demoralising but if you keep at you may find your life partner on any of these sites. I think you need to be in the right place and frame of mind to be successful though. If you are wounded and bitter you will end up making yourself feel worse.

Make sure to write a really good detailed profile also.

For the purposes of finding a relationship you get out what you put in really, the site or method is largely irrelevant.
Tinder I found good for ‘volume’, very easy to build up a big list, but I found the small talky bit tedious and not really reliable in understanding the person behind the screen before meeting, it’s also used a lot by those who like to stroke their egos.

Pay sites play on peoples insecurities that a paywall gets them a higher class of date, problem with that is the crazies think that too. I found no difference in quality between free and pay sites.
I found PoF perfectly adequate, and I met an amazing woman through there 6 months ago.

If you’re just honest and use common sense you’ll have no issues on any site. There are some damaged types of course, but there are also as many lovely people who are desperate to find someone equally normal amongst the chaff, so make it easy for them.
I found best results were a very honest and brief profile with a sensible picture of you alone in a preferred environment, well written messages that are polite and respectful.

Also, except in some extreme cases, ignore the picture. Just communicate with the human being.

Lots of dates from Tinder and PoF, although with PoF was never more than the first.

With Tinder I dated a few weeks here a month there for a year or so until I met my current girlfriend on there, coming on for 2 years now.

Didn’t bother with chatting online for ages arrange a meeting asap.

I find Happn better than Tinder but think it helps I live in a city, so high volume of passing people, imagine in a more rural area it would be useless

Tried a few after my divorce.
Now going out with a friend of a friend I met in the pub.

Obviously more complicated than a few lines on a screen but I wouldn’t interne date again. And I’m not even old.

No idea if its still going but I met my (now) Wife on Fitness Singles…

Zoosk.
Only met one nutter so far.

PoF worked for me, am engaged and getting married next year.

Strike rate was around 15-20% some just want to chat and never meet up, some never respond.

Tips FWIW – don’t get sucked in by lots of chat, if you make a connection try to meet as quickly as you can fit it in, just for a coffee or quick drink after work, easy way to get out if the alarm bells ring. And make sure you do put up some pics of how you spend you free time. Be prepared for the time wasters though; despite having lots of pics of me on top of mountains, in rivers, riding my bike etc I still got loads of sofa surfers whose idea of a big weekend was Primark, PizzaExpress, PinotGrigio and Pretty Woman 🙁

Good luck!

Met the love of my life on OKCupid.

There’s lots of negativity about online dating on here. In my experience, it’s an absolute blast. Even the disastrous dates with unsuitable weirdos are worth it for the stories. Putting them aside, there’s loads of fun and romance to be had. You’ll make some friends, you’ll have some sex, and you might fall in love.

Remember – most men’s complaints about online dating are that the women ignore them. Most women’s complaints are that the men are boring.

So cut out the pies, hit the gym, be interesting, write an honest, entertaining profile, invest in a nice, striking outfit that suits you (if you wear jeans and a checked shirt to a first date, you deserve to be celibate for ever) and have fun 🙂

My old PoF profile ended up either getting insulting messages or being told I owed them a new keyboard and mascara.
Reached a point that it didn’t seem to matter what you put there it was ignored or criticised so I thought “f@ck it” and went all out .
So lots of mentions about crap pics, feet, cakes, 80’s perms and leg warmers, etc.
Didn’t care.
Strangely enough I had more high quality dates then than ever before!
Those insulting messages didn’t “get it” so an instant filter.
The others were pretty much straight off asking to go for a drink.

(Runs off to adjust Tinder settings to cover oxbridge)

if you wear jeans and a checked shirt to a first date, you deserve to be celibate for ever

Well you’ve just ruined my plans…

I’m not even joking!

Well you’ve just ruined my plans…

Sounded quite a good choice to me too 🙂

You’re in a marketplace, boys. You have to stand out from every other schmuck 😀

If you don’t wear a plaid shirt & jeans on a first date i don’t want to know you. Turn up dressed for an interview & i guarantee you won’t get the job.
I went on too many dates where people pretended to be someone they weren’t. You get found out in the end so if your wardrobe is full of check FFS wear it & save a lot of time wasting

You’re in a marketplace, boys. You have to stand out from every other schmuck

What if I add an eye patch and cravat?

I’m an ugly ginger bastard so I get zero dates from online dating! Keeps us out the gene pool, I guess 😆

If you don’t wear a plaid shirt & jeans on a first date i don’t want to know you. Turn up dressed for an interview & i guarantee you won’t get the job.
I went on too many dates where people pretended to be someone they weren’t. You get found out in the end so if your wardrobe is full of check FFS wear it & save a lot of time wasting

Pretty much my feeling. I understand putting a bit of effort in / making a good first impression, but do you really want someone to fall for a facade you put on rather than who you really are?

A posh restaurant date or the theatre or something is a bit different, but if I were going for a drink with someone off Tinder I’d wear a t-shirt with the fewest curry stains on it (and I think on the whole I’d rather date someone who wanted a pint of Old Phlegm Lovelybeer and a bag of chips on the way home before a night of depraved monkeysex rather than a night at the opera anyway). If you both get the first “farts in each other’s company” out of the way nice and early too, she’s probably a keeper.

Some proper LOL’s on this thread.

Some rather nice stories too!

Sadly, my last relationship recently ended, about 4 weeks ago, having originally met her on POF funnily enough. We were together 5yrs, and though we’ve had our differences, she is living proof that not all 30 something singles on dating sites are totally insane! Yes I’m gutted it didn’t work out, but I think we can remain friends going forward at least.

In the meantime, I bought a massive TV, went on a boozy holiday in the sun with a mate, bought motorbike and have managed to get reacquainted with an old friend of sorts… Could be worse!

Next step… back on the dating sites… not gonna meet anyone sat at home watching TV am I!

…a night of depraved monkeysex

Any mention of beastiality in ones profile, whether positive or negative, is unlikely to increase the chances of success.

if you wear jeans and a checked shirt to a first date, you deserve to be celibate for ever

My other half of 5 years wore that to our first date!

Any mention of beastiality in ones profile, whether positive or negative, is unlikely to increase the chances of success.

Fussy bastard.

Next step… back on the dating sites… not gonna meet anyone sat at home watching TV am I!

That’s the whole point isn’t it so you can meet women while sat at home watching TV?

Or am I doing it wrong? 😀

Lots of mentions about free sites, what about those that require subscriptions? Or the “elite” variety ?

Do they weed out the chaff, or just attract narcissism, or fussy ?

I’ve a wide’ish network of friends, I’d say 30% are married, about 50% are happy single, 20% chasing love. So 20% must be signed up somewhere, or hanging around M&S or Waitrose..

Fitness-singles is good but not a lot of people on it plus some must love themselves too much based on the pictures they put up.

Went out with a SA lady that averaged 133 miles a week on her road bike.

About the same age as me but much more mature as I don’t have kids (a recurrent problem…).

So I took her to GoSegway – which made me look even more immature 🙁

We had a nice meal and a chat at a nice pub later, but she decided to give up on online dating afterwards – said it wasn’t me though…

I took a recent date, also SA but younger with no kids and rides motorcycles fast, to a formula one simulator venue, but that wasn’t a good idea either.

We both got some motion sickness and had to cancel the resturant afterwards and both went our separate ways. I know I wasn’t cutting my usual youthful, dashing good looks based on catching my reflection leaving the bogs, I was looking decidedly green.

Still converse a bit though on our dating progress and stuff.

Match is slightly ‘gamified’ but zoosk as getting ever more so and is annoying.

But on zoosk you can pause your account until the next time you log in, which is useful and stops the number of contacts you get, and winks, hearts and other stuff that gets reported as ‘messages’ when they are not. Then you can just search for who you think you might actually match, rather than having to deal with women who often don’t actually read your brutally honest profile but just go by your photos.

I had a date last week with a fantastic lady who owns a pub in Victoria, seemed incredibly normal. Divorced 20 years, kids grown up, had a couple of long-terms with controlling partners, etc. Her friend was passing and came in to join us, she was also a fantastic lady – bit of a Honor Blackman voice.

I think zoosk is probably the best one I have tried (POF, zoosk, match) based on the people I have chatted on there with, if you can cope with the gamification.

As said previously try to get to meet early, or at least a phone call. Chatting on whastapp is death – doesn’t refelct who the person is and you can build up completely the wrong persona based on it.

Don’t like the idea of Tinder – people don’t put up much information and you are then just going by what someone looks like. At least you can often tell something from a ladies profile.

if you wear jeans and a checked shirt to a first date, you deserve to be celibate for ever

surely jeans are OK?

I have a load of checked shirts now – bought on a shopping trip with the wife just before she decided to leave me 🙁 She was setting me up I reckon.

As a freshly single mid 30’s guy who has come out the back of a 9 year relationship, it’s a very different world now.

I’ve got some hot female friends so asked for some genuine advice, which mostly frightened me.

If they hot, they are literally inundated by (up to) 100’s of messages a day from guys. 75% of these are nutters, people looking to get laid, guys sending nob pics (what the actual f*ck?) or general morons, so are deleted. Then there are more normal people, who then umm & arr over sending messages to or not & slowly it gets whittled down to the one or two who are actually worth communicating with.

Therefore the odds are massively stacked against you from the word go, unless you happen to be Tom Hardy or Brad Pitt.

So I waded in, feet first. Went with POF & Tinder.

Set the boundaries of 29-42, and went in for what I wanted, someone slim or athletic with minimal baggage. There is a reasonable pool of people to work with, so off I went. My findings were really:

Snapchat. WTAF? Why are there ladies in their mid 30’s with profile pictures which involve snapchat filters? You look like a moron, so you probably are a moron. Binned.

Family photo’s. Wow. I get there will be single mums in the age range I am in now, but i’m not sure we need to see that from the word go. Binned.

Pets. Not just crazy cat ladies these days.

About Average. If average is a size 18 heffer, then yes, you are about average. There is a huge amount of body dysmorphia – i’m sure this is the same for ladies looking for men.

A few extra pounds. I don’t need to say any more on this.

Bad tats. So. Many. Bad. Tattoos.

Once you sort the wheat from the chaff, the talent pool (so to speak) is small – and that’s living in a big city. it’s not easy, and that’s before you even get to start talking to these people.

Thankfully I met someone early on & things have been great.

what about those that require subscriptions? Or the “elite” variety ?

Do they weed out the chaff, or just attract narcissism, or fussy ?

They just rob you. As I always said, if I was going to pay for it…

My old PoF profile ended up either getting insulting messages or being told I owed them a new keyboard and mascara.

I changed mine so that nobody would contact me – it got me loads of messages, so I hid it. Shall I post it up? 😆

Shall I post it up?

Do it!

Mine is currently:

I am looking for a bright, fiesty, independent, natural, happy woman to exasperate on a pretty much permanent basis, ideally until one or other of us dies.

Here’s mine (contains unfunny, online dating injokes )

I’m a boring, fat, 50 year old,who has given up on himself has no hair or teef and cant type spell or use a compoota.
I caught a massive fish once witch is the hilite of my life.
My interests are friends and family and belly laughing and i just want a honest kind woman who would share a tinny wiv me.
What rilly makes me happy is when someone contacts u on dating sights then stops contacting you or says they want to meet and then doesn’t reply.
I’m. mostly interested in a person from a completely different part of the country so we don’t have tosee each other very often and you won’t have to put up wiv my halitosis.

Be prepared for the time wasters though; despite having lots of pics of me on top of mountains, in rivers, riding my bike etc I still got loads of sofa surfers whose idea of a big weekend was Primark, PizzaExpress, PinotGrigio and Pretty Woman

oh so very much this.
my pics showed me on a motorbike, on a bike, in the hills and scuba diving with a shark in the background (not all on the same pic). One reply said “Hobbies – bingo”.

Be prepared for the time wasters though; despite having lots of pics of me on top of mountains, in rivers, riding my bike etc I still got loads of sofa surfers whose idea of a big weekend was Primark, PizzaExpress, PinotGrigio and Pretty Woman

This, x1000000.

This thread is useless without you all having pictures of yourselves posted too, and stating your sex and age 😆 😆 .

I have used them all and have had luck on them all. There are always going to be weirdos around no matter where and how you meet people, online or offline.

I’m tempted to suggest the easiest way to avoid them is to pick a site which nobody on this thread is using 😉

Jeans and checked shirt :

I think I have a bear behind in that photo…

Seems to be a popular photo – the number of approaches I get from 55+ ladies has increased a lot – I’m only 53 though 🙁

One of mine is the same one used here 8)

My most successful picture on tinder doesn’t have my face in it…

No not that, my tattoo