Reading the GBBO thread (and the mind bogglers that such dross gets aired) I thought that I could do better.

I give to you… IKEA wars…

Next on Dave: IKEA Wars. Will Chloe find the shelf unit she’s been looking for? Will Danny be able to put his cupboard together? And will Annie’s purchase of a table that is too large for the living room spark a row with Liam? Find out after the break…

‘Flat Packers’ (continueing the ikea theme)

4 couples race to build a rooms worth of flat pack furniture without speaking to each other. lots of close up shots of sweaty brows and slow motion tantrums.

the winning couple get to destroy the other couple’s furniture with a big hammer.

I might be wrong, but I’mm pretty sure that’s already been done.
If not, something very similar. But they all look the same to me.

Not reality TV, but:

The Wyre.

Drama set in a West Midland’s forest. A story of drugs, gangs, police and fatbikes. Highly regarded for it’s authentic patois. Contains substantial nudity and mild cussing.
Staring singlespeedstu as Omar and Tollah as Bubba.

I’m at work so can’t find the clip, but i refer you to Mitchell and Webb, filming things and putting them on the telly… in this case, shopping.

gather all the writers, producers, directors and funders of reality TV together in skip. fill with petrol and set alight. don’t film it and don’t put it on the telly.

I have it, there is no need to carry on thinking about it..

Shall I tell you what it is?

Shall I?

Ok..

Sit tight..

[/b]STW Keyboard BigHitters “at work”

Camera based in thier respective Offices, camera based on whats written on this glorious Forum. Multiple screens on viewers TV watching all BigHitters tiptapping away..
The aim of the game is for the “viewer” to stay awake during a post about Religion and/or Lance Armstrong.

Thats reality for you, in a game format, viewer chooses BigHitter “winner”, Game Over.

Thats reality right there…

Deadlydarcy suggested the Great British **** Off. Not sure if it was a joke or a real suggestion. Either way, I have nicked it and emailed CH4’s head of commissioning.

Episode two: The cafe runs out of meatballs and Kevin the Store Manager has to bring in more stock. Can Ray the driver deliver them in time? Maureen the cleaner accidently tips her bucket over the floor on the same day that a health and safety inspection is due: can she get the spillage cleaned in time?

Unfortunately, the limits of realitry TV have already been reached with the truly sublime “Help Me Anthea, I’m Infested”, in which Anthea Turner helps people with their cockroach infestations.

You should know by now that there are no limits…

Did anyone else get a shock googling “Help Me Anthea, I’m Infested” and finding it really exists? 😯

I’m not clever enough to make that up 🙂

Initially I was impressed with your imagination!

Alan: Right, “Alan Attack”. Like the Cook Report with a more slap stick approach.
Tony: No.

Alan: “Arm Wrestling with Chas ‘n’ Dave”?
Tony: I don’t think so.
Alan: Pity, ’cause they were very keen on that one.

Alan: Right. Now, you’ll like this. “Knowing M.E., Knowing You”. I, Alan Partridge talk to M.E. sufferers about their condition. Erm, you know, we intersperse it with their favourite pop songs make it light-hearted. You know, give them a platform. You got to keep the energy up. You don’t like it, that’s alright.
Tony: No.

Alan: “Inner City Sumo”.
Tony: What’s that?
Alan: We take fat people from the inner cities, put them in big nappies and then get them to throw each other out of a circle that we draw with chalk on the ground.
Tony: No no, it’s a bad idea.
Alan: Very cheap to make, do it in a pub car park!
Tony: NO!
Alan: If you don’t do it, Sky will.
Tony: Well I’ll live with that. Is that it?

Alan: No, no. Erm. “Cooking in Prison”.
Tony: Oh, no.

Alan: “A Partridge Amongst The Pigeons”
Tony: What’s that?
Alan: Well, it’s just a title. Opening sequence, me in Trafalgar Square feeding the pigeons going ‘oooh god’!
Tony: No, I’m sorry, no. Stop!

Alan: “Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank”
Tony: No!

Alan: “Monkey Tennis”?

Celebrity solitary – build a massive prison building. Contestants sit in their cells with a video camera broadcasting live to the nation 24/7 about whatever vacuous nonsense they think of. Every week someone gets voted off otherwise they stay in as long as they like.
Everyone who apples to get on the show is accepted
It’s not really on telly. There are no real votes. Nobody cares.

Celebrity solitary – build a massive prison building. Contestants sit in their cells with a video camera broadcasting live to the nation 24/7 about whatever vacuous nonsense they think of. Every week someone gets voted off otherwise they stay in as long as they like.
Everyone who apples to get on the show is accepted
It’s not really on telly. There are no real votes. Nobody cares.

very clever. Shades of the Golgafrinchams.

Alan: No, no. Erm. “Cooking in Prison”.
Tony: Oh, no.

And then there was the Gordon Ramsey series … Behind bars.

Prophetic!

The best reality TV has already been Done – America’s Next top Model – Good looking contestants and not much clothing, end of, no more reality required. Flame away, I reckon everyone on here has seen at least an episode.

Jehovah’s Witness in Action.

Cameras follow Jehovah’s round on their weekly mission. How many ways can you be politely told to F-off?

(Inspired by the nice chap sitting opposite me 🙂 )

The aim of the game is for the “viewer” to stay awake during a post about Religion and/or Lance Armstrong.

you know that games with impossible targets don’t really work?

Celebrity Man Hunt!

All those annoying A/B/Z list celebs(and I use the term loosely) dressed in Lady Gaga’s meat dress and then dropped into various locations in the Scottish Highlands/Dartmoor/Other heavily wooded area(delete as applicable)

Meanwhile lucky members of the public/STW forum then get picked to hunt them down using a rabble of starving Beagles,Expert Trackers and Tazers/Rubber bullets/Shit bombs.

Special prizes would be awarded for quickest knockdown,most artistic fall/kill.

Bit like Celebrity Jungle thing and the Running Man with Arnie.
Any surviving Celebs will be able to sell there story to OK magazine.

Real celebrity death match

The puppet version of the 90’s was good but real celebrities killing one another would be terrific.