Hello all,

I’ve decided (with a bit of prompting from loved ones), that it’s time for me to give counselling a bash. The past couple of years have been a bit “hectic” with parenthood/messy divorce/sudden family bereavements etc. I’m not at a point where I’m strugging to cope, but I definitely don’t think I’ve fully resolved a few things either.

Appreciate this might be a sensitive subject for some, but any first hand experience would be gratefully received.

FWIW I’ve booked a consultation with a Psychodynamic Councillor.

My ‘alternative’ username isn’t working so I’ll post honestly.

I came to terms with bi-polarness with low dosage and short term medication and fantastic counselors.

For me, it was a very emotional experience. After keeping a lot of things bottled up, in the second or third session it was like a cork popped. A couple more sessions and I was beginning to understand myself. A few more sessions and I began to get the ‘tools’ to cope. I think I had 10 sessions with them and it has had a very real impact on my life. This was around 10 years ago and although things can still be difficult, they haven’t been insurmountable.

Whilst our situations are different and I had an excellent counsellor, go into it with an open mind. People expecting a positive outcome from any situation are much more likely to get one. I really believe, despite being a grumpy bugger, that people can make their own happiness in the long term.

It won’t necessarily be easy. It can take real guts to open up to someone but that’s what it takes to make the most of these sessions. I have a few GP friends and they often talk about “oh, one more thing” moments where someone on their way out mentions a symptom which is serious and genuinely life-threatening after waffling for 10 minutes about a tickly cough. This seemed to be the way counselling went for me.

Keep an open mind. Hope for the best. Good luck.

Thanks makecoldplayhistory, much appreciated.

Definitely open minded about the whole thing, otherwise I guess it would be a pointless exercise.

Good experiences for me. I have used it myself and have also trained a bit in it.

I would be wary of a psychodynamic councillor tho. Its not one of the commonly used approaches these days. I prefer the person centred approach of Rogers for sorting out feelings and issues and CBT for behaviour modification.

However the really critical thing is the relationship between the counsellor and the counsellee. Be prepared to see a few different folk to get the one you click with and also the type of approach that works for you. There is no “one size fits all” approach

This is my favoured type of counselling
http://www.simplypsychology.org/client-centred-therapy.html

CBT for anxiety was immensely useful for me.

Makecoldplayhistory – what type of counselling did you have?

Not had personally, but counselling and CBT pulled my mum back from the brink and gave her the tools to deal with her issues.

She is a changed person (in a good way).

Have had quite a lot of first hand experience around relationship counselling inc 1-1 (on / off over 15yr period). Also seen others go through it for various problems.

Yes can definitely be helpful, cliche of you get out what you out in and you have to be open minded to challenge yourself a bit. As you note there are many different types and styles. I found the CBT (Cognative Behavioural Therapy) very useful. In the end you have to take what you learn forward, the councellor imo is really there to nudge out of you what’s inside. They are not going to say – “the solution is X or Y” you have to come to that conclusion yourself with their help.

EDIT: wise words from TJ about finding / clicking with a counsellor

Good luck.

No idea TJ.

I may be able to help you if I have some options. It was through my university. It was at an NHS hospital and exactly what most people expect from it.

I sat / lay comfortably. The counselor rode out the awkward silences with lots of “what else?”, “why do you think that happened?”, “how did that make you feel?” type questions. It seemed very solution-based as after a few weeks of my rambling she began to give feedback / suggestions / tools.

sounds like the person centred stuff basically. Most experienced counsellors will use a mix of approaches anyway

I’m coming to the end of some counselling I’ve been having via the NHS since May and it’s been brilliant. You have to be prepared to put yourself through temporary pain at each session (and sometimes for a couple of days after) but it’s all part of the process. I agree with what was already said above about the importance of the relationship with the counsellor. I had a couple of false starts in the past, but this time I had someone who I really clicked with. He’s got a great sense of humour and we sometimes had a good laugh even when discussing painful subjects.
Anyway, it’s been better for me than any medication.

Am thinking about talking someone. Over the last few years I’ve had some major “head lows”, as I call them. Periods where I’m just generally pissed off with life, society and the general direction of life.
I’ve got nice things, earn enough to keep my head above water and most importantly a fantastic GF who puts up with me.
Don’t know if talking to someone would help.
I often think how futile our existence is and what the point of it is. Going to work to earn money to pay for things just so I can do the same the next week, month, year.
Whether I would be happier buying a plot of land somewhere and taking myself out of mainstream society, not having to deal with the day to day shit.

My worry about taking to someone about this is that they agree with me…. Then I’d have to go through with it.

Good experiences for me. I have used it myself and have also trained a bit in it.
I would be wary of a psychodynamic councillor tho. Its not one of the commonly used approaches these days. I prefer the person centred approach of Rogers for sorting out feelings and issues and CBT for behaviour modification.
However the really critical thing is the relationship between the counsellor and the counsellee. Be prepared to see a few different folk to get the one you click with and also the type of approach that works for you. There is no “one size fits all” approach
This is my favoured type of counselling
http://www.simplypsychology.org/client-centred-therapy.html

All of this.

TJ, your brief guidance and empathy a number of years ago on a similar subject was a tremendous help. Thank you.

Am thinking about talking someone. Over the last few years I’ve had some major “head lows”, as I call them. Periods where I’m just generally pissed off with life, society and the general direction of life.
I’ve got nice things, earn enough to keep my head above water and most importantly a fantastic GF who puts up with me.
Don’t know if talking to someone would help.
I often think how futile our existence is and what the point of it is. Going to work to earn money to pay for things just so I can do the same the next week, month, year.
Whether I would be happier buying a plot of land somewhere and taking myself out of mainstream society, not having to deal with the day to day shit.

My worry about taking to someone about this is that they agree with me…. Then I’d have to go through with it.

This is me, except sub GF for wife and kids. But the majority of my life is providing for them and their needs so much so that it feels like i don’t have time or energy to look after myself. I have had dark thoughts in the past and they have never fully gone away, but the need to continue for them is what makes me get out of bed in the morning, it’s not for my own enjoyment of life. in fact, i rather dislike ‘my’ bit of life – work, lack of social life, etc.

I’m now having some sessions with an online counsellor, organised through the GP. I don’t know where they’ll take me, and what new techniques for coping they will give me or indeed whether typing a conversation online is as effective as being in a room with someone, but actually so far I like the ‘relative’ anonymity – a bit like being able to ask or say stuff on here that you find hard to say face to face.

jamj1974

thank you. 🙂

CBT didn’t really work for me and those mindfulness books etc stress me out. Progressive muscular relaxation worked wonders, as did talking/counselling. But ultimately Setraline and Zopiclone (I’ve been struggling with sleep) is working a treat!! I’ve also been upping my vitamin B intake (linked to mood). I am a different person to 12 months ago.

It’s been **** hard work! I wanted to be in a better place as I realised I wasn’t right (I think that’s one of the hardest things to admit to yourself) and I’ve fought like buggery to climb up the slope. I’m not all the way there, but hey Rome wasn’t built in a day!!

I wouldn’t wish this shit on anyone.

This is me, except sub GF for wife and kids.

It’s me too!

Go to the GP in the first instance, even if you’re not offered what you want via the NHS you can get the doctor’s advice of what might be useful based on a personal diagnosis.

It’s sooo me, too. 🙂

But seriously, a lot of counsellers will work with different approaches given different problems and progression, as TJ wrote. I had one therapist working over quite a long period that used various ‘styles’ to get where we needed to go. The weirdest thing for me, especially after having some couselling training myself, was recognising some of the explorative techniques. They didn’t detract from the process but I was acutely aware of when it was time to call it quits.

As I’ve written before – when the mirror that is your therapist turns opaque, therapy fails.

Also, don’t be afraid to walk away if you don’t feel you’re getting on with the therapist. Obviously they’re not your best mate, but there has to be a large amount of trust.

Counselling depends on the counsellor. I found mine very good and helped me take a step back from the spiralling confusion and get my focus and perspective back. Most importantly she made me realise that needing that was perfectly fine and normal, and “I” wasn’t the problem.

Admittedly time off work and low dosage of Citalopram were a factor as well.

Group CBT didn’t do it for me, mindfulness stressed me out!

Glad to know I’m not the only one… I would worry that going along to a therapist that they prescribe me drugs. Honestly don’t think that is the answer to dealing with life and I’d much rather have a smoke.

Thanks for the feedback all. Good to have different points of view and experiences.
Its quite assuring that others have been in the same boat and come out the other side.

Still finding the idea of opening up to a complete stranger quite daunting, but I’m sure that will lessen over time.

It not easy – but they are professionals who should be able to let you feel comfortable and to let you go at your own pace

@alpin – they may be prescribed but no one (unless you’re properly mental) is going to force them down your throat.

I had the blister pack for weeks before taking one and that was nearly expected. When I wanted to stop taking them the support was excellent. It isn’t the pill-popping culture some will have read exists.

I had a period of depression / anxiety a few years back. Crap job and relationship breakdown etc. Tried a couple of appointments – first one was keen on me drawing in a tray of sand to express myself – not my kinda thing at all. Second was proper down to earth, to the point etc and really clicked. I had 4 or 5 sessions, can’t recommend enough!

A session can sometimes leave you feeling very open and vulnerable for a while after. I found it useful to not go charging into busy environments for at least an hour or for as long as it took for me to close. I know part of the session is ‘closing down’ but sometimes the stuff that gets revealed/scrutinised/explored can linger.

Not trying to scare you, just pass on something you might find useful. Other friends that have been ‘therupped’ have found it beneficial to just get on with the day as normal. I liked to go for a ride or visit a particularly sympathetic friend, just to get it all locked into place.

To the OP and others …. the oldies are the goldies

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you like, but the light bulb has got to want to change.

OP you’ve already made a big step… well played.

I by-passed the NHS and jumped straight in. Yes it costs a fair bit, but this is your health and I’d argue it was the best 500 quid I’ve ever spent.

Body,mind and soul … right?

Well, we try to make our bodies fit. We really should do the same with our minds…. and thats what it felt like for me …. a mind outwork… it, at times, left me a bit tired but refreshed… if that makes sense…. (edit … after reading the above post… good point… and to tie it in with my workout metaphor… its really good to “cool down” afterwards and let things sink in)

So that just leaves soul … but we should defo leave that to another thread. 😆

Good luck