As a marketeer with 15 years experience IMO that reads a whole lot better…
A couple of things IMHO
1. You may want to source all your claims about the benefits of cycling – more believable and may help to persuade resistant senior people
2. STW may or may not be your target audience, would recommend trying to get some focus groups together if you have the budget
3. One of the biggest barriers to people taking up cycling is the fear factor – you may want to address that as a key message
4. You’re one of the few organisations I’ve seen using social media to engage properly with their audience i.e. taking the criticism on the chin, openly joining the debate and making changes.

Best of luck, hope it works, more people riding the safer it should get…

derek starship – “what a crate of old tits”

thanks, i just laughed and dribbled coffee on myself…. !

Swear of the month award to you sir.

(edited to say, now i’ve read the whole thing, 10/10 to pleasecycle for their response to some good-natured ribbing, i expect they’ll do a whole lot better without the bingo-words)

You may want to source all your claims about the benefits of cycling – more believable and may help to persuade resistant senior people

i can’t remember the last time i saw such vicious p”ss-taking taken so squarely on the chin with barely a wobble.

although the old website text was funny, now it seems like it was written by a human, for humans.

good luck.

🙂

oh, er, how about an ‘examples’ page? with… examples of stuff you’ve done, and what it cost.

?

Add to the comments above, I think PleaseCycle has actually come out of this amazingly well. It would have been so easy to ignore this thread or come on and slag us all off but the criticism was (in the main) very constructive and even the piss taking was funny.

I think most people on here realised it was a good idea in principle and responded accordingly. Hats off to PleaseCycle for taking it all on board with good humour and best of luck to you!

Add to the comments above, I think PleaseCycle has actually come out of this amazingly well.

/conspiracy

It is almost like they planned it.

I’m late to this and didn’t see theoriginal site, but it looks good at the moment. The journey tracking looks interesting.

As brooess points out I reckon it’s the fear factor that is probably the biggest barrier to people getting on their bikes, rather than the support/facilities their employer provides (or doesn’t). Maybe something about that on the ‘For Employees’ page? Seems a bit like there’s more immediate info/reasons for employers on their page but less for employees.
Or maybe I’ve misunderstood the pitch.

I’d echo the comments above too about how well PleaseCycle handled the thread.

For my money it is still jammed to the rafters with business BS speak.

“This mechanic is already being used by blue-chips to do the following…”

Mechanic – A worker skilled in making, using, or repairing machines, vehicles, and tools….. Any other use of that word is simply BS and would make me run a mile from your company.

Mechanic – A worker skilled in making, using, or repairing machines, vehicles, and tools….. Any other use of that word is simply BS and would make me run a mile from your company.

But you say that as someone familiar with the mystical workings of bikes. Remember there are an awful lot of people out there who will take their bikes to the shop to get a puncture fixed. Presumably this outfit are out to reach that lot, not preach to the converted.

MrSalmon – here is that sentence in context:

We have developed several means of logging bicycle journeys, including one highly innovative method utilising social media. Employees can use these facilities to track their personal cycle habits, note improvements, work on personal bests, and conjure up fitness regimes.

As an employer you watch the organisation’s overall miles / carbon savings add up, using the data to incentivise cycling internally. This mechanic is already being used by blue-chips to do the following:

Develop a company leaderboard where individuals and departments can compete against each other to see who can rack up the most cycling miles.
Offer 5 minutes of additional holiday for every return journey made by bike.
Provide discounts on staff lunches for whose who cycle frequently.
Give nominal rewards for employees who complete their first 20 cycle trips to work.

Ah, right 😳 Yes, that’s ar$e.

From the first pleasecycles post:

avi cyclists such as yourselves

I stopped reading at that point.

Anyone who doens’t know the difference between “you” and “yourself” instantly identifies themself as an idiot and is to be treated with the appropriate contempt. Learn some English you cretin(s).

Oh, and offence very much intended.

Anyone who doens’t know the difference between “you” and “yourself” instantly identifies themself as an idiot and is to be treated with the appropriate contempt. Learn some English you cretin(s).

Oh, and offence very much intended.

That’s not so bad. If he was talking to an individual and said “an avid cyclist such as yourself” instead of “an avid cyclist like you” I’d be right behind you sharpening my pitchfork, but to a group I think “avid cyclists such as yourselves” is better (or at least no worse) than a “avid cylists like all of you”.