Ok ok, I’ll start.

In my mid teens I *may* have taken my brother’s Micra for a “test drive” and slightly reversed it into a stationary truck, pretty much writing it off!

Absolutely ****ing myself, I hightailed it home, parked it back exactly how I found it and put the keys back where they were and waited for the fall out.

He never knew it was me until this day!

brother’s Micra… writing it off

I’m sure He’s secretly happy, now he can buy a non-girly car.

I think I’m falling in love with road riding. It started all innocent like but the more I commute on my road bike, the more it feels right. 😳

Oh, and I murder kittens for giggles.

Actually I just read the second bit OP… Have you not just admitted to a motoring offence there, fleeing the scene of an accident, etc?

The Internetz doesn’t actually have the power to absolve you…

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

Well you’re stuck then.

we have no downstairs bog so I wee in the kitchen sink. I do put the tap on afterwards though.

The blood wasn’t mine.

I once posted a chat thread in the bike forum.

For the girlfriend beating idiot at the student party in 1990 in Hull, who took the blame for eating the 2lb bag of prawns and 8 Findus crispy pancakes, salad and Heinz salad cream.

It was me and my mate!

We had the munchies.

I’m not sorry because you were (possibly still are) a woman hitting dick.

I’m also not sorry for giving you a slap! I am sorry I didn’t throw you over the banister when I had the chance though.

Can you confess without being sorry!

i like really trashy American detective stories.

edit: i’m not sorry about it.

When I was wee, my mum bought me a lego plane from John Menzies and I faithfully promised to pay her back from my pocket money- I never did.

I suppose it’d be a better story to tell my kids if I’d been wracked with guilt and it’d spoiled my enjoyment of the plane, but you know what? It was a kick ass plane, and also useful for making boats, and the fact that I scammed it made playing with it all the sweeter.

Maybe I’ll go and shoplift some lego after work.

I taught my 2 year old son to salute, put his hand on his heart and march when he hears I Vow to The My Country or Rule Britannia solely to piss off his staunchly republican Irish ‘Mammy’.

I denied all knowledge…

I piss in the sinks at works and every party I go to

when making sandwiches for me and the family, if the butter is hard i chew it first and spit it onto the bread

i used to share a bed with my brother when we were kids, the loo was outside so i used to lean over him and pee on his side of the bed.
my mum used to think he wet the bed until he was 10 🙂
i win

I caught a frog and put it in my mates camelbak just before the start of SSUK at Drumlanrg…

He puked when he emptied his camelbak bladder afterwards, I cried laughing and I still laugh, certainly not sorry!!

sorry, you win 🙂

I am Janzen Boulton.

I killed a magpie once. It was flapping around outside my house and we’d been having problems with something stealing our chickens eggs… so I put to and two together and shot the bugger.

Then a voice came over the hedge… it was my neighbour. ‘Have you seen our magpie? We found it injured a few weeks ago and we nursed it back to health. Today was it’s first time outside and it appeared to be struggling a little. We saw it coming your way’

I denied all knowledge.

The bugger got it’s own back though. I intended to impale it on a garden fork and hoof it into a nearby field. As I thrust the fork into it’s feathery carcass a stream of shit squirted out of its backside and hit me square in the face. My mouth was open.

Sorry Mr Magpie.

Went on a kayak club trip to the Canaries. I put a massive rock in a mates bag which he proceeded to unknowingly import back to Blighty never once questioning his obviously heavier luggage.

It was a nice rock and sits well on my windowsill… 🙂

When he was about 3 I told my son that that the ice cream van rings its bell to tell people that it’s run out of ice cream. Years later he asked why people were queuing up by the van with its bell on

Nothing as funny as you guys yet but took mums Mini Cooper S John Cooper Works (210bhp mini) out for an hours absolute thrashing. Quite literally drained a quarter of the fuel tank and the engine was still warm to touch 4 hours later as dad got home, walked past and felt the heat emitting from the engine…

I have been doing too much thinking about Sam Cameron and her little foot tattoo and mucky scenarios related to this photo…