What do you call a fat computer-

A Dell

Whats blue and smells like red paint?

blue paint.

Two cows in a field…one says to the other: “Blimmin’ horses…coming over here, taking our jobs…”

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?

A wonky

My wife saw this one lat night:

Man walks into a restaurant and orders a burger. The waiter asks if he would like anything on it? Reply – Sure, a fiver each way

Man goes to the doctor and says “I have a terrible speech problem – I can’t pronounce ‘f’ or ‘th’ “

The doc says “well, you can’t say fairer than that then!”

What’s gold and sounds like a pirate?

Pyrite.

What do you call a fat computer-

A Dell

A variant of that joke

What do you call a singing computer….

Q: Where does the king keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies!

What do you call a blind deer??

No eye deer

What do you call a blind deer with no legs?

Still no eye deer!!

Q: Where does the king keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies!

Another variant…

Q: Where are the Andes?
A: At the end of the Wristies.

But in recent news:

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”

Conversely:

A hamburger walks into a bar.

The barman says “why the long face?”

———-

Two birds are sat on a perch.

One says to the other “can you smell fish?”

maccruiskeen – Member
Completely not what the OP is asking for but I’ve been having some fun trawling this site:

knock knock
who is there
watermalon
watermalon who
nobody. but your head looks like a watermalon

That website is inspired. Nothing offensive in there either.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m Tom Jones! Is this common?

Well,…….It’s not unusual.

IGMC

What do you call an invisible dinosaur?

Doyouthinkhesaurus…..

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?

A wonky

. . . .no . . .

Eor to have 4

Roses are red
Apples are fruity
If you’re having lasagne
It’s probably black beauty

A baby polar bear walks up to his mum. In a confused voice he asks, “Mum, am I a polar bear?”

“Why yes son, you are a polar bear” She replies.

The little one nods his head and walks away.

5 minutes later he’s back.

“Mum?”

“Yes?” She says suspiciously.

“Are you SURE I’m a polar bear?”

Exasperated she replies, “Yes son. I’m a polar bear, your dads a polar bear, therefore your a polar bear!”

The cub walks away looking confused. After half an hour he approaches his dad.

“dad?” he asks.

The dads been expecting this, “is this about the polar bear thing?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“Look, your mum’s explained this to you. Your a white furry bear, so its safe to say your a polar bear. Why do you keep asking?”

“Cause I’m fricking freezing!”

Once upon a time, there was an inflatable boy. The inflatable boy lived in an inflatable house, with an inflatable family. He went to an inflatable school with an inflatable teacher and even an inflatable principle.

One day, the inflatable boy took a pin to his inflatable school. The inflatable teacher let out a gasp and sent him to the principle’s office.

The inflatable principle said, “I’m very disappointed in you son. Not only have you let yourself down, you’ve let me down and you’ve let the whole school down!”

What do you call a French lion tamer?

Claudé

How do you make a cheese puff ????

Chase it around the garden

What do you call a French lion tamer?

Claudé

Would have been funny without the accent.

😉

Polar bear walks in to a bar and says, “Can I have a pint of…………………………..lager please?”

Barman says, “Of course, but why the big pause?”

“BECAUSE I’M A POLAR BEAR!”

Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the toilet?

Because the p is silent

Q. What did one apple say to the other apple?
A. Are we a pear?

Q. What did the snowman say to the other snowman?

A. Can you smell carrots?

Why did the snooker player go to the toilet? He wanted to pot the brown.

2 fish in a tank, one says ‘can you drive it then?’

I’m waiting in the dentists, reading a magazine – isn’t it terrible about the titanic !!!

Two hungry vampire bats decide to have a contest on who can find the most blood.

They both leave at the same time and agree a one hour limit.

After 56 minutes the first bat returns, struggling to fly with a full stomach but feeling quite happy with himself. He’d found three mice and drained them dry.

15 minutes later he’s still waiting for his opponent to return, happy that he’s won. Then he spots the other bat staggering back, flying from tree to tree. That’s odd, he thinks. Eventually the bat returns, covered ear to claw in blood with a wild look in his eyes.

Shocked, but a little impressed, the first bat asks where he found such bountiful blood supplies!

“Well, you see that ash tree over there”
“Yeah, I see it”
“See that big oak next to it?”
“Yeah?”
“I didn’t…”