So, trudging through Scarborough on Thursday, clearly late for a meeting. Mr Dreadlocked beard and huge huge baggy jeans jumps in front of me with the opener, “Hey Mr Suity Man”. Not really polite or showing respect for someone you are hoping will donate to their represented charideeee.

Not against charity donations but this kind of approach puts me right off…and do they expect you to ultimately hand over credit card or bank details?

They do my head in to be honest…very in your face.

lol, if I saw that, I’d laugh my head off.

There was one in Lichfield the other Saturday. I punched him. In the face. Yeah. Bang. Leaflets fluttering everywhere. Take that yer little skinny backpacking runt. Yeah. Blokes congratulated me, & carried me aloft through the shopping precint. Women threw knickers at me. A passing PCSO punched the air in triumph at my taking a stand.

Obviously, this was a dream, followed by rose petals falling on a fit young lady. 🙂

“Obviously, this was a dream, followed by rose petals falling on a fit young lady. “

I like that film too. It turns out she’s a virgin.

I interrupt them and try and sell them back some scruffy piece of tat that I have in my pocket? Like a kit kat wrapper?

“Do you want to give me money for this? You don’t know me but I intend to stop you randomly in the street feign friendship and try to create a deep instant personal connection. This is so as to appear trustworthy and of your peer group. Then I’m going to try to use powerful emotive mental imagery to invoke sympathy from you for the wrapper in the hope that this pressure will allow me to successfully persuade you to hand over money or bank details for a charitable cause that you don’t fully understand and may not even care about as you will feel guilty about appearing uncaring.”

I love Chuggers. They are invariably arts or media students on their way to a waste of space existance in marketing somewhere – so having them stand there willingly asking me to abuse them to their face on the street is rather refreshing.
Shelter are my fave “hey, aren’t you lot the ones that say to not give to beggers?”

Correct reply:
“No thanks, Mr Soapdodger Man”.

The show business legend Count Arthur Strong demonstrates the best procedure for dealing with chuggers in one of his earlier broadcasts. Well worth listening to and taking notes.

As soon as they say hello to me I just inform them that “I hate children/old people/dogs/orphans” as appropriate, depending on the bib. That buys a few seconds of shocked silence in which to bugger off.

telling them you dont speak English usually buys you enough time to scarper…

What is a chugger? I never go shopping

Embarrassed edit: charity mugger right? What a clot!

“Hey Mr Suity Man”.

I assume you’re not black otherwise that would be outrageous……………

They never seem to stop me. I must either look poor or evil…

The good old-fashione **** off shuts them up usually. Missus looks strangely at me afterwards.

If you’ve ever wondered why no one regulates them out of existance like other forms of pollution their trade association gives to both labour and the tories and is very aggressively opposed to regulation, I found this out because I complained to the local council and then the trade body after one of them called me a ‘miserable git’ for not shaking his hand and followed me down the length of the high street asking me over and over again why i couldn’t spare a minute for ‘the children’, council have few powers and trade association is violently opposed to taking any action that would cost its members money.

/rant off

To be fair I am a miserable git, What tyres for running them down?

rOcKeTdOg – Member

What is a chugger? I never go shopping

Embarrassed edit: charity mugger right? What a clot!

Not where I was brought up. Chugger already meant something quite different before people started glueing words together to make an urbanictionary.

Woody – Member

“Hey Mr Suity Man”.

I assume you’re not black otherwise that would be outrageous……………

not black.