My cheese box is out of date.

I know exactly what I’m going to do, chop it up and have it on crackers.

Am I going to hell, or going to have bad guts?

Dates don’t apply to cheese. Smash it in yer face.

Already gone mouldy…..send it to me for disposal.

You’ll be fine. Or at any rate you won’t need laxatives.

That looks really dangerous. Luckily I have a suitable waste disposal facility. Send it to me for safe disposal.

Toss it into the nearest skip, buy yourself some decent cheese.

If you’ve recently remortgaged, I recommend my local: Cambridge Cheese Company.

Brie careful Op.

How d’you manage to keep cheese until it “goes out of date”?

(does not compute)

One of my favourite post-Christmas joys is buying all the out of date ‘festive’ cheese boxes for very little (Sainsbury’s especially – got a load of gorgonzola from them for 10p a pack (down from about £3).

Brie careful Op.

Any more cheese puns like that and the OP will owning you with black bomber