“Hide the sausage” went down particularly well at Gok Wan’s latest fashion party

‘So, what happens is, I stand just like this and then start lying through my back teeth.’

Brokeback Mountain Mayhem

“stop laughing… they are not his wives glasses”

(JMC Rider): ” You’re supposed to squeeze the chamois cream out of the tube before you put it in your shorts ! ”

You put your left leg in…

‘Oh wait! You shave your legs too.’

‘You’re right, it does look a little like a sausage riding a horse saddle.’

When they said it was going to be a “Le Mans” style start, I didn’t think that was what they meant….

“Those are great shorts, come with a free prosthetic cameltoe”

I’m not sure I’ve got the right reach or stack for this

or

Chilly, innit ?

“Dirt roadies and cock; synonymous since the dawn of MTB racing”

“Oh go on, make it do that twitch thing again…”

“Wait for the klaxon, then start pumping!”

Whilst the other entrants were distracted by other matters, Brian from retrobike knows he’s got the Jez Avery lookalike competition in the bag.

“Yeah, the shop threw it in for free when I decided to upgrade all my year-old 29ers to 650B’s.”

“I use “Stan’s:” but I just can’t bring myself to go fully tubeless.”

Have you set your target for today?

‘So, you done one of these befo….HOLY **** DUDE, I CAN SEE YOUR C*CK!’

‘That’s the plan, pretty eyes 😉 ‘

Go hard or go home…

Well it’s one way to carry the baton, but careful you don’t fall off.

‘Whats my forum handle? Does this look like the body of a STW forum user to you?’

I said take a handful of peanuts with you.

“UCI haven’t got round to banning viagara then?”

“Turn and pliquet and point,2,3….”

As all the boys gather in the yard, it dawns on them ‘milkshake’ may have been somekind of euphamism.

good one

And there was I thinking single speeders were compensating for something

I am sure it works, but i dont think i could inject into the muscle.

There was talk of many beautiful, scantily clad girls at the post-race Singletrack party.It was difficult to tell who was most excited…maybe the guy in the Etto helmet?

Go-Ride guy to JMC guy…

“3 inches right there buddy”

“all yours if you tell the guy behind me his white glasses look sh*t.”

I’m sponsored by British Cycling. What do you think of my incremental gains?

Mrs Rex said simply “what a c*ck”.

She’s a better judge than I on these matters.

😳 😉

“You are not afraid somebody can take a picture of it and publish it on the web?”

Horsethief? Nah, it’s a Salsa Budgie Smuggler, 2.9er soft-tail……

“you see that big piece of poo on my shoe ? – that’s you, that is”

“In, out, in, out, shake it all about….”

how about a prize for whoever guesses what I was actually thinking/looking at?

Running shoes?

“I see it’s you who’s putting the man into the Le Mans start”

Racing makes me HAPPY!

Putting the “Schwing” in spring

Is that Linford Christies lunchbox?
Nah it’s my banana box,they come in different sizes 🙂