One of my sons comes across as very outgoing and warm, and tends to be liked by the adults who meet him. Indeed, when he left Year 6, he was awarded the school’s award for general contribution to the community.

At the same time, he has always had trouble with other boys harassing him (mild bullying). He just doesn’t seem to have any political instinct for staying away from idiots and/or not allowing himself to become a victim.

None of my other kids have this trouble.

I have tried to explain how he can act ‘un-phased’ so as not to attract unwanted attention, but I really don’t think he will be very successful at this, as he just doesn’t read situations well enough to recognise the most appropriate behaviour at a given time.

I have also tried to make it clear to him that, if necessary (and only as an absolute LAST resort) he should know that his parents wouldn’t be made if he got in trouble for standing up for himself.

Anyone else have a child that struggles with being bullied, but whom you can see not doing much to help him/herself?

Thoughts? What have you done?

My eldest was being bullied at school it really damaged her self esteem, we spoke to the school. They asked her for names, they then spoke to the kids involved and their parents. The bullying stopped overnight and the kids apologised to my eldest. They innocently didn’t realise just how harmful it was.

Get him an STW login. We’ll toughen him up a bit!

At 12 he’s probably more mature than most of the middle aged men on here.

My son has so far been extremely reluctant for us to even know about any of it. He says that he does want to be a grass (he doesn’t actually use that word).

The problem is, I think that with his personality, we might be able to get the school to something this time; but there’ll always be a next time unless we help him change.

@perchy

One of my sons already has one. He thinks this place is hilarious.

I don’t know why…

Many a true word spoken in jest – a login would however show him that bullies don’t like being stood up to. Nothing new in that lesson. Take them on, on all fronts ideally as Drac says in coordination with school.

Good luck.

As above sometimes the kids causing the issues don’t really know how they are affecting the others.

My daughter went to high school and hated the first 2-3 months after coming from a small school where she had been prefect, centre of attention and friends with the entire class.

When we approached the school it stopped overnight and as Drac said above the two culprits apologised. One of them even said “I’m really sorry I didn’t realise I was making you upset” They are now back to be being friends and my daughter loves school again.

The one piece of advice I would give is to confront the issue ASAP.

Haven’t had this issue with any of my kids. The oldest is a natural born charismatic leader, the middle one exudes a brooding air of quiet danger and the youngest one is, I suspect, a sociopath. Due to these various personailty traits they have, so far, been immune to the dangers of bullying.

When I was a kid, however, I was very like you describe.

My advice would be to encourage him to build a group of close friends. Safety in numbers.
Kids tend to pick on the lonely outsider and will usually shy away from picking out one individual who is clearly part of a larger group.
Also, his mates will soon teach him, in a way that you can’t, the political instincts he needs to survive on his own.

The oldest is a natural born charismatic leader, the middle one exudes a brooding air of quiet danger and the youngest one is, I suspect, a sociopath.

Which one do you think needs the DNA test? 😉

Is there a peer led anti bullying thing at school? My lad is one of the schools snti bullying ambassador, and they act as a first point of call.

As others have said, they may not realise it feels like bullying to him. It needs to be addressed firmly, fairly and asap.

THIS
However in here who i doing the bullying [some just do it passive aggressively I heard] is very much in the eye of the beholder the mods.

Wow, some interesting reactions here from the bullys.

I sometimes think back to my days in school and on reflection I was at times bullied and also a verbal bully too and I wish that someone had got hold of me and told me what effect I was having on other kids simply by being unkind and also that I had the option (as people’s kids here seem to) to push back against it. In my school the teacher’s laughed off the problems as hi-jinx and normal growing up behaviour but there was some horrific bullying going on.

Kids can be horrible but they’re not all bad and I’m pleased with some of the interventions reported here.

OP – I have two little girls and I truly fear their teens. Good luck.

Years back at a local school they use to make the bullies get in a boxing ring with you one at a time and fight it out, stopped the lot of bullying. Mental can be a lot worse than physical. Definately a tough subject. Always a lot worse than it seems.

As a teacher;if you report it,it will be dealt with. If you don’t,then it can’t be.