I’d string ’em up by the goolies.

Everyone thinks that the inks on my wide format printer smell horrible. In reality they don’t smell at all. I just use it as an excuse when I’ve dropped one, in the absence of an office dog. Everyone genuinely believes it too, as I tend to saunter over to it before flouting an air biscuit 😀

Embrace the veggie diet and let rip

Just me in the office today and I had chickpeas for lunch. I reckon the ceiling tiles downstairs must be rattling.

Try working in an office full of eco-loving veggies, who home cook vast quantities of lentil, bean and asparagus soup (etc) to share with the office…

*parp* 😳 ‘scuse me 😳

Depends on who you work with…I’m the only bloke surrounded by four ladies so there’s no guffing or burping whatsoever.

However, in the office next door have a petite female member of staff who’s immaculately turned out but they also have a well deserved reputation for being utterly humourless and for completely lacking any humanity whatsoever.

I *may* have started a rumour that their occasional absences have been due to “problem flatulence”.

The trick is to glare at someone else. A bit dodgier in a lift shared by only one other person.

I’m not the farter! The chap opposite is.

That’s the danger of having headphones, you gently let one float out thinking you’ve been all sneaky only to see the rest of the room glaring at you as the realization dawns that you’re not quite as covert as you thought you were.

My office if I wasn;t allowed to drop one

those little rooms between where the stairs end and the office is….. are your friend. I am surrounded by women also, woe betide anyone that farts, it is not forgotten ever and will be brought up at Christmas parties and the like. Sometimes a little one might get past but then we get a blast of some sort of cheapo woman spray and that’s worse, so I control myself now.

I used to work in finance, 20 odd women and me in the office. One afternoon I let a silent stinker out, then told the girl opposite that her feet stunk! 🙂
Got away with it too..

and will be brought up at Christmas parties

not a problem if you don’t go to the Christmas parties 😉

ah, these civilised workplaces. used to work in an office where malicious crop dusting was a real threat 😡

But headphones make them totally silent FACT

But headphones make them totally silent FACT

As does having blocked ear canals.

I once let one go thinking it was a nice slient but deadly, turns out it rivalled Krakatoa and someone (a bloke) turned round, gave me the most disgusted look, and said, in a non too impressed tone, ‘Nice…’

Really must make an appt to get them syringed.

I used to work in an office and miss the ability to start chemical warfare with the miserable sods who would tut and start spraying fabreeze about… Even locked my mate in his office with a silent but deadly nose stinger a few times just to liven the day up… It relieved the boredom.

I turn the fan on my desk on when there’s an air leak – no-one sitting behind me these days so feel less guilty.

Theres a guy in our workshop who just calls out Burp from time to time, not actually burping just attention seeking, drives me nuts, not to mention the constant sex type noises, you’ve only picked up a 10mm spanner it’s not heavy, but just want’s everyone to know he is doing something.

It’s for their own good.
Fart smells have health benefits

Male co workers only, in engineering.picture it.
My colleague stinks……..

I rarely break wind in my office. There are plenty of other offices nearby to do that in. And a cell block downstairs.

I run a bike shop… With no female employees (save my GF helping out very occasionally)… I’m off out for a curry and a few ciders in a bit.

I feel sorry for our Saturday lad already, I really do!

In my own office? That would be stupid.

Wander into a colleagues office for a quick chat and offload your deadly cargo. Time it right and one of the lasses will walk in after you’ve left, the perfect crime 😀

Anyone who farts in the office or shop beside you deserves to have their face wiped with a todger.

Luckily I have my own office so I just shut the door and fart away

Some dickhead wearing a Bluetooth headset dialed into a conference call while he was in the cubicle next to me. I made sure to fart extra loud.

While I work mostly on my own, the room is also a corridor for staff going to the loo or break, and we have clients shown round as well, so while nobody would hear anything, the room has no ventilation, and any sneaky ones would have a tendency to linger, and the finger of blame could only point at one culprit… 😳
And virtually all the staff who come through are female, some more than a little presentable, so I’m not going to be Mr Stinky!

Thank goodness for a classroom. Plenty of kids to offload beside who will immediately get the blame.

I work in an office on my tod and can let rip to my hearts content. No so good after you’ve soiled the air and a client walk in. 😳

It’s much easier in a classroom. No one ever blames the teacher. 😆 Well not in primary classes anyway.

Some dickhead wearing a Bluetooth headset dialed into a conference call while he was in the cubicle next to me. I made sure to fart extra loud.

How did you know it was a bluetooth headset? Had you removed that little plug of bog roll from the cubicle wall?

This is the one reason I wish I worked in an office! I have to make do farting on nhs patients or junior doctors! Or just recording the loud ones and sending to mates via whatsapp

It’s aerosol poo.