A disappointing lack of anything to do with bacon, eggs, hash browns, sausages, toast, marmalade or even jam.

Any other disappointing film titles?

The Flying Scotsman.

Not a decent locomotive to be seen.

Debbie Does Dallas – I thought it was a tourism guide when me and my nan went on a tour of the southern states.

Aces High – not a poker coaching video

Octopussy.

Need I say more?

Top gear – it is just about cars

Mission Impossible – they only go and do it everytime even the sequels

Dr Dolittle- he did loads of stuff.

On the other hand, there are plenty of films which deliver exactly what they promise.

Snakes on a Plane
Hot tub time machine
Four weddings and a funeral
Gangs of New York
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (I watched the whole thing, and didn’t see a single tiger or dragon. They obviously hid well)

The One.

There was actually loads of him.

Jurrasic Park:The Lost World – they found it right at the beginning the film…

Goldfinger – see here, all 8 and both thumbs made of flesh

Star Trek – Trek? they didn’t rucksacks, or walking boots, or walking poles, not a Llama between them, they used a bloody space ship FFS!

The Neverending Story – Runtime: 102 minutes

Right now watching Safe – literally every character is in varying degrees of peril all the damn time – excluding those who are already dead. They did not die of natural causes either. they were murdered!

9 and a half weeks – didn’t even last 2 hours

EDIT: Too late

Enter the Dragon – nae dragons.

‘The Greatest Story Ever Told.’

It’s alright, but it’s no ‘Dumb & Dumber’.

Snatch – not one bit of minge throughout!

True Grit, a distinct lack of aggregate related facts, interest and information all through the film

Be thankful you weren’t with my wife when she went to Tiffany in New York with her sister and asked where the cafe was!

12 Monkeys was something of a disappointment when the actually number of furred primates is assessed.

Boxing Helena, apart from being utterly crap anyway, wasn’t a patch on Raging Bull.

9 and a half weeks – didn’t even last 2 hours

I know, I lasted about 30 seconds.

The Fifth Element

Nope. Not on there at all.

Pulp Fiction – didn’t include any stories about lanky sheffield indie pop geeks, not even made up ones.

Buffalo Soldiers – strangely not about wildlife wardens in African national parks…

Where Eagles Dare.

Thought it was going to be an informative ornithological film about raptors & the challenges they are facing in their shrinking habitats.

Not in the slightest!

Richard Burton & Clint bloody Eastwood blowing sh1t up in the Bavarian Alps!

Zulu.

Nothing about public conveniences in Regent’s Park at all.

And Zulu Dawn wasn’t about the lady who cleans the public conveniences in Regent’s Park either.

Rain Man:

I arrived at the cinema expecting a challenging piece reflecting the story of a meteorological pundit, imagine my surprise and disappointment to find it was a road movie with an autistic gentlemen and that bloke from top gun, deeply disturbing.

Goodfellas

They were all bad……

The Italian Job..

There was me thinking it was an informative “Back to Work” film for Italians (oh the irony, everyone knows the Italians are shite at that gainful thing called a job)

No!

ONLY BLOODY MICHAEL FLIPPIN’ CAINE KNICKING STUFF!

The Italian Job Pt 2
Not really in Italy
Not much of a Job

90 min Mini ad

Reach for the Skies

Wasn’t the Steps musical I was expecting

Not quite the same thing but I once watched Daredevil and thought I’d stumbled into a porn film; it was full of ****…

Days of Thunder.

Was expecting 24 hours+ of angry weather. Was disappointed.

Twister.

Not about a family game on a matt. Or even an ice lolly.

The Titfield Thunderbolt.

Not a breast in sight, never mind one being caressed. Pah.

Reservoir Dogs – neither a swimming pooch or canine distribution centre to be seen 🙁

2001 – it wasn’t about the intricacies of British Rail timetabling.
2010 – see 2001
Trainspotting – also not about trains

One flew over the cuckoo’s nest.

Did it? Well I didn’t see it.

Sideways: The cast were mainly observed to be moving forwards or stationary throughout.