Now i am by no means a cat person at the best of times. How besides shooting on sight do I stop the little gits crapping in my garden?? The get off my garden crystals do work for a while but I want something a bit betterererer.

Get your own one

You can have a pic of my M.I.L for a fiver, one for each border and you qualify for a discount.

buy some tiger shit from chester zoo! Serious it works, they sell tubs of it

Hmm, 😐 replace a little lump of cat poo, with a great big lump of tiger poo.

yeah but at least it stops the fekkers digging up your plants and you know where you put it…………the little furry sods don't come back once they get a smell of it

I was under the impression that cats dont like citrus fruits. Put orange peel in your borders, this I believe is a genuine tip.

Flamethrower.

Alternatively, the cat scarer things on Amazon seem to work OK – they don't stop it, mind.

Clean up the cat poo as soon as you see it – if one craps in your garden, then all the others think it's OK.

I found fresh coffee grounds seem to work – I normally chuck my espresso grounds into the flower beds.

Also a water pistol does the trick, although I'm tempted to just get a jetwash and blast the little feckers out of the garden…

I am going to invest in a super soaker and stick some fairy liquid in it. Then it's tin can alley but with cats 😆 God I hate them! My Mrs will not let me get the ultimate deterrent i.e. a dog 😀

catapult, and rotten vegetables?

We've got the same problem – cat across the road regards our garden as its own personal litter tray. Anyone who says cats are very clean and bury their crap is lying.

If you catch them in the garden a good squirt from a bike bottle is a sound deterrent. My best hit was when I got one of the feckers when it thought it was successfully hidden inside a tree. Was just heading out on road bike and saw it slip out from under the car (the scene of a recent hosepiping) and up into the tree so grabbed a bottle off the bike and BAZAAAAMMM. Only subatomic particles moved faster than that cat did after a direct hit had been scored on it's face. If I hadn't been picking it's shite up most days over the past 6 months I'd have felt guilty when I realised I'd grabbed the bottle with Torq in it rather than plain water I had meant to get, but all's fair in love and shitting cat deterrence.

Obviously you can't lie in wait for the cat forever and it's hard to get hold of small landmines thanks to the Tart in The Tunnel so we have tried all sorts. Orange peel didn't work. Lemon peel didn't work. The amount of gin we had to drink to match the limes we were peeling meant we didn't care but it didn't stop the cat shitting in the flower beds. Got expensive too. Cayenne pepper didn't work. Tumeric didn't work. Couldn't get lion poo. My mate who brought bear poo back from Canada had his bag searched and it was taken off him at customs. Cat repellant pellets are expensive and only last one rain shower, which isn't much use in Scotland.

So what has worked? Well, ultrasonic cat repeller works as long as cats actually trigger it – good in winter, not so good when there is lots of foliage and cars on the drive so the cat can slip in undetected. We've settled on clear plastic bottles filled with water in the prime shitting spots – that seems to help a bit too – apparently the cat thing doesn't like the reflections while it is squeezing one out (who does tolerate a distraction when performing their ablutions anyway?). It seems to be the best solution and it's almost free so got to be worth a try. Makes your garden look a bit weird but not as weird as having a garden littered with wee piles of cat shite, I'd contend.

Good luck – if it comes to it you've got the perfect excuse to get a dog. A proper pet.

wood, lots of it, 6" nails, lots of them.. work the rest out for yourself.

Weather's set fair, borrow a python or boa constrictor.

There is a plant called Scaredy Cat (Plectranthus caninus) (Coleus Canina), that apparently works quite well. Just got one recently as we had a cat that constantly crapped in our garden. No new poop yet! The plant does have a pretty strong aroma

Indeed…

GET A PYTHON

As yer man said…. plastic bottles with water in them, or I think CD's hanging in the shrubs might do it too……
If you want death to the little jiggers, place some cat food laced with cinnamon….. Cats can't handle cinnamon and they die……….

Didn't hear it from me ok…..

Ham

move house, its the only option 🙂

Great now we are advocating killing cats. 🙄

If you write a cat-sized sign, informing them that the laced cat food contains cinnamon, then it would technically be classed as suicide…….

Happy Now?

Ham.

Doesn't look like this has been mentioned yet but check to see if it's an un-neutered male (it will be obvious). If it is, then that's the reason he's crapping on your lawn and not burying it – it's a territory thing apparently.

Un-neutered male cats are a real **** pain in the cat's pencil sharpener. They roam, fight, are very aggressive and disrespectful of where they do their business and have a nasty habit of spraying everywhere and everything. Generally, cats do not leave their faeces unburied; they are very clean. But when they still have their balls, it's their way of, well, 'shitting on your lawn'.

If this is the case, then you can try having a polite word with the owners, perhaps even offering to share the cost of neutering. Failing that (and as a cat owner myself) hosepipes, power washers or even a catapult (no pun intended) will do the job.

Ho ho your wit and sparkling humour leave me speechless. Cats that read signs ho ho what will you come up with next?

Become friends with the cat as it only poops if it's trying to pi$$ you off.

Or print a pic of a cat and hightlight the eyes and it won't come back.

Isn't there a spray you can get now that wards off cats or dogs for the garden?

Mouse trap and cat food?

I like cats and dogs but not their waste products. 😳

I'd shoot em*. I do it to next doors dog when it sneaks in through their fence. It might take a few goes, but they learn pretty quick, and don't get hurt and you don't have to mess around leaving tiger poo in your garden.

Joe

*with a super-soaker that is

I once caught a kid throwing bits of gravel at my cat, 😡 I'l never forget the loud crack it made when the stone I threw back at him hit him on the head. he soon stopped throwing stuff at my cat though 😀

If the neigbours cat sh1ts in my garden, I return the sh1t to them over the garden wall.

If you write a cat-sized sign, informing them that the laced cat food contains cinnamon, then it would technically be classed as suicide…….

I spat coffee out at that 😆

And freeze up to one month of capture!

Or buy one of these and sell to local Chinese takeaway?

My neighbours cat is gorgeous and friendly btw