Best one-liners from sit-coms – following on from the Allo Allo thread

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  • Best one-liners from sit-coms – following on from the Allo Allo thread
  • MrSparkle
    Member

    Four candles.

    Premier Icon Pook
    Subscriber

    Mrsparkle – not a sitcom

    Smoke me a kipper….i’ll be back for breakfast.

    fisha
    Member
    Premier Icon Rusty Spanner
    Subscriber

    What, with these feet?

    If it’s a girl they’re calling it Sigourney after an actress, and if it’s a boy they’re naming him Rodney after Dave!

    This old broom has had 17 new heads and 14 new handles

    b r
    Member

    “Gas Man; it’s the GAS MAN!”

    the teaboy
    Member

    Ah, Melchett. Still worshipping God? Last I heard he’d started worshipping me.

    edlong
    Member

    There’s a few Malcolm Tucker ones, but I don’t think the swear filter will allow them.

    There was an ultimate payoff line in Allo All from the increasingly convoluted plots, I can’t remember the line where it all came together but it would have involved the candle with the handle on the gateau from the chateau, and doubtless the drug in the jug, which I think also involved the pill in the till.

    “We’re in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun.”

    mav12
    Member

    I wouldn’t let my dog stay in this hotel,

    fussy is he, Poodle

    fawlty towers

    sc-xc
    Member

    “Fray Bentos”

    edlong
    Member

    One of my favourites is (was) Peter Cook. One sketch in particular. One bit of one sketch, has, imho, two of the greatest comedy lines in it..

    The leg division, Mr Spiggot. You are deficient in it to the tune of one.

    Your right leg, I like. I like your right leg, it’s a lovely leg for the role. That’s what I said when I saw it come in. I said, “that’s a lovely leg for the role”. I’ve got nothing against your right leg. The trouble is — neither have you.

    Ro5ey
    Member

    I’m with Rusty in HMP Slade

    edlong
    Member

    How about a couple that might not be the best per se, but have had the biggest impact on the language:

    “Spam” from Monty Python

    and

    “Gardening Leave” from Yes Prime Minister

    both passed into common usage, with many users unaware of the etymology.

    Ro5ey
    Member

    Not that it was in a sitcom …

    “I’m playing all the right notes…. but not necessarily in the right order ”

    pete0773
    Member

    “My knees hurt.”

    “Nearly done.” (Chris ‘Finchy’ Finch) The Office 😀

    thenorthwind
    Member

    Also from Porridge:

    [After the governor removes a cake from a filing cabinet]

    Flecther: “That’s odd, it’s usually a file in a cake.”

    Or words to that effect. Gets me anyway.

    retro83
    Member

    Do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants

    Premier Icon Nobeerinthefridge
    Subscriber

    ‘Is he at the whankin’ yit?’

    Premier Icon surroundedbyhills
    Subscriber

    “Bob”

    tlr
    Member

    I’ve got a cunning plan…

    Kate, short for Bob.

    Smeghead.

    John Wayne’s an arsehole!
    [video]https://youtu.be/Xld_CtE90NY[/video]

    edlong
    Member

    “Bob”

    That’s the problem with this sort of thing, write them down and you lose what often makes them funny – the comic timing and talent of the delivery. I thought of loads of Blackadder ones but they’re not funny unless Rowan Atkinson, or Stephen Fry or Hugh Laurie or Rik Mayall are delivering them. “Hello Darling” isn’t intrinsically that funny a line on paper. So on the same note and for the same reason (although not a Blackadder one)

    Dan! (Alan Partridge)

    rwamartin
    Member

    From The Thin Blue Line…..

    “Just remember, it’s your cockup, my ar$e.”

    Premier Icon nickc
    Subscriber

    [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EpAHkBa7ww[/video]

    not strictly a one liner, but reminds me of arguments on here sometimes…

    maxtorque
    Member

    General Melchett: Ahh, The healthy humor of the honest tommy. Don’t worry my boy, if you should falter, remember that Captain Darling and I are behind you.

    Captain Blackadder: Yes, About thirty-five miles behind you……

    😆 Brilliant retort!

    “Back of the net!”

    loddrik
    Member

    “You know, Blackadder, for me socks are like sex. Tons of it about and I never seem to get any.” Prince George.

    “I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think “That’s why I’m not a heterosexual.”” George Costanza

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    So what is it?

    Premier Icon tomhoward
    Subscriber

    Pretty much anything flashheart (no, not him) says

    ‘Am I pleased to see you or did I just put a canoe in my pocket?’

    On being asked (after being prompted to) why he was not wearing underwear…

    ‘Because the pants haven’t been built yet that’ll take the job on’

    johndoh
    Member

    (When Mr Balowski turns into a vampire in The Young Ones).

    What do we do when we catch him?

    Take him to Doggersea Bats Home.

    or

    (When Antony brings his vegetarian girlfriend home for the first time).

    Can you eat wafer thin ham?

    johndoh
    Member

    Pretty much anything flashheart (no, not him) says

    I treat my planes like I treat my women.

    I take them to heaven and back twice a day.

    breatheeasy
    Member

    What ones do you think have fallen into comedy folklore?

    “Don’t tell him Pike”

    “He’s madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of last year’s Mr Madman competition.”

    “I will say zeez only wance”

    Premier Icon LeeW
    Subscriber

    [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9PNoYSKx0A[/video]

    Premier Icon huckleberryfatt
    Subscriber

    Buzz Aldrin and Liz Lemon shouting at the moon in 30 Rock
    I walked on your face!

    johndoh
    Member

    From Alan Partidge…

    You’re a f&*$%£g mentalist!

    “I won’t have my dog behaving like an animal”-wolfie Smith’s girlfriends Dad (also Snoutie in porridge) in citizen Smith.

    jekkyl
    Member

    Please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit. Four super brushes to
    tackle even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals. Yes, I am over 18, although my IQ isn’t.

    &

    LISTER: Cat?
    CAT: Mmm?
    LISTER: Ya ever see the Flintstones?
    CAT: Sure!
    LISTER: D’ya think Wilma’s sexy?
    CAT: Wilma Flintstone?
    LISTER: Maybe we’ve been alone in deep space too long, but every time I
    see that body, it drives me crazy. Is it me?
    CAT: Well, I think in all probability, Wilma Flintstone is the most
    desirable woman that ever lived.
    LISTER: That’s good. I thought I was goin’ strange.
    CAT: She’s incredible!
    LISTER: What d’ya think of Betty?
    CAT: Betty Rubble? Well, I would go with Betty… but I’d be
    thinking of Wilma.
    LISTER: This is crazy. Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?
    CAT: You’re right. We’re nuts. This is an insane conversation.
    LISTER: She’ll never leave Fred, and we know it.

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