I friend of mine got caught out by by a loud pub band suddenly pausing for dramatic effect. “She’s got tits like spaniel’s ears” she bellowed, nodding towards the lead singer.

Walking past a couple of girls gossiping at one end of Bristol Bridge: “…and then he ejaculated in my face….”

Mrs M wouldn’t let me stop to hear more 🙁

Walking past a hair dressers in London and two of the staff are standing outside having a smoke – as I walk past I hear one of them say to the other ‘I’m one of only three men in the world that can make curly hair straight’
Stopped me in my tracks, but I didn’t want to spoil it by hearing anymore, so walked on giggling to myself!

“So I had a spoonful of golden syrup and went straight to bed”

On the phone to the GF earlier, she was telling me what an exhausting day she’d had

“Basically thats why dogs lick their testicles”.

Said by an intelligent looking child with glasses to an enthralled younger child.

It’s not quite the same but I’m always amused by http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

From a mate

Overhead whilst in a cafe on Camber Sands today. Man orders 5 cups of tea. They arrive. Lady says, “That’ll be twelve fifty” and aghast the chap immediately replies, “Facking ell, is that the price or the time?” Nearly spat out my coffee as I snorted at that one…

“How on earth did you let it get to a litre before you went to the doctors..!!?”

😕

Two office girlies on thier lunch.
“I’ts not a show off wedding, but we’re getting married in a zoo”.

Not a stranger, but a work colleague once, trying to describe to a toolmaker the ovality he’d discovered in a machined bore…
“Its ovulating, its clear to see. Its ovulating”.