Cheers stompy - we are trying to be positive and happy. We know dad would not want it any other way. Even to the extent that when I said goodbye at the funeral diretor's the day before the funeral, I said to him (on seeing him in the open casket in the get-up they put him in) 'dad, you look daft, you wouldn't be seen dead in that'. I know he would have laughed. It made me cry.
Benefits for newly widowed mum?
Ha, yep, just gotta remember him as he was..... an he'll always be around, theres a little bit of him in all of you I'm sure. And you know the last thing he'd ever want would be to see you all sad.
I talk to my old man all the time, curse him for leaving me with 4 women (I'm the youngest with 3 older sisters!!) and say cheers to him everytime I have a drink, which has been alot lately , But you deal with it anyway you can. Just make sure that your little uns, although they will not get the chance to spend the time with him that you did, know him as grandad.....
My Parents were living in Spain when he decided to go to the big pub in the sky. When I flew out on the day to get to mum I met some of the Spanish farmers who were close friends and they all said the same thing, which sticks with me.... "This is life". Be happy for the times you had and the memories you will always hold.
All the best mate, good luck with the twins..sounds like hard work!!
Cheers - when did you lose your dad? You sound very much of the same mentality as me regarding things. At the funeral director's I also told him off because he had promised to help us decorate an extension we are building and promised to take pictures of our children when they are born to his headstone (although he has been cremated). I also say goodnight to him every night. Jeez - it is hard.
He passed on the 14th november.... a week before his 62nd birthday. Two and a half months now. It does get easier mate, believe me, even if at the momment it doesn't seem like it will. I've been through all sorts of emotions, felt things I'd never felt before, something so deep inside that will always be there. One of my friends who lost her Dad 2 years ago said to me "You never get over it, you just learn to live with it". And I think she's right, that sadness and helplessness you feel will slowly turn to little smiles when you rememeber his little ways.
Like I said before don't be afraid to cry or to laugh, just do what you can to ease the way you feel, I don't think there is any easy answer. Be angry, be happy, drink yourself to sleep, ride for miles.... whatever it takes mate.
Whats your e-mail mate? I've got something that always makes me smile when i read it, I'll send it to you.....
I really do wish you all the best, it will get easier, just pull together as a family and rememeber him as he was
Yeah we are pulling together - fortunately we are a very close family so we are all helping each other.
I certainly am not afraid to laugh - it really helps to be realistic and face up to things.
Like yesterday... My dad always made Sunday lunch for the whole family and we would get together - my wife and I, my younger brother, my elder brother, his wife and two kids and of course mum. Yesterday mum made the meal instead, and we al sat around as we always do, then started joking about how anal dad was when it came to all the place mats being the right way up, all the cutlery being evenly spaced etc, and how he will be watching and laughing at mum trying to be as exact as he always was.
Ha, sounds like my family mate......
Wouldn't let me send the e mail, kept returning it.. try again later
All the best buddy
Cheers - although we know we aren't the first and won't be the last to have to go through this, it is comforting to speak to someone that has been through the same recently and understands our current pain.
No worries mate, it helps to talk about I know and to talk about him aswell....... I've put below what I was going to send you, you might have already seen it. It helped me to understand what was going on because most of the time it just didn't seem real, to have had the old boy around for 25 years and then for him to be gone?.... a strange feeling. Anyway here you are, abit sopey, but says alot.....
Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we still are
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used to
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effect
Without the ghost of a shadow on it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolutely unbroken continuity
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
My e mail is firstname.lastname@example.org if you want a chat/friendly advice or anything
Take care mate
My dad (as organised as he always was) wrote out instructions for what he would like for his funeral and that was in there - he had my brother (his eldest son and namesake) read it out dedicated to mum. To be honest though, I didn't absorb any of the words as he read it as my head was in a very different place.
He then asked for Shine on You Crazy Diamond (Floyd) as the leaving music. And that just happen to be one of mine and both my brother's fave songs - the old sod making sure we don't forget him
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