Anyone else finding it a struggle right now? You know when you just need to vent and get everything off your chest that you’ve had to keep secret….. Tell others what you’ve done/been through so they see your side of the story and would see you in a better light/would change opinion of the whole situation?

Gahhhhhh!! It’s tough! But I know if I did vent it’d just be used against me

Meh!

I’m a chuffin mug!

Seek solace on this thread, it’s your safe place

Well, I’m in the middle of setting up and running an inhouse consultancy service with a staff who are both young and inexperienced.

When someone ascribes responsibility for production of something pretty much wholly to someone else when I’ve had to provide a lot of oversight, direction and most of the information (which has necessitated a fair bit of additional hours of which unpaid) then, yes, I have to bite my tongue…

I keep telling myself overall success of the team is the only metric…

I’m sort of the other way round. A colleague has told us every fine detail of her life full of the most first world of first world problems over the last 18 months. And she’s up there with chocolate teapots and fireguards with how useful to the team she is. Takes no responsibility for her actions either.

I want to scream at her, telling her how life is, how poor her performance is etc.

The last person that screamed at her over her poor performance (a manager with 25 years service) was fired for bullying her.

No-one loves you for that shit.

Be healthy. Be popular. Be productive. Never vent unless to exactly the right person. ie customer complaints.

Trust me, I’ve been unhealthy, unpopular, unproductive and have vented about it. All become connected. No-one wants your sob stories, not even you*

*If you do, then why?

What helps me is knowing that when the zombie apocalypse comes, these are the kinds of people I’ll hunt for food. It allows me to smile and walk away knowing just how pathetic they are.

Malvern Riders advice is semi rubbish.

We aren’t designed to be emotionless dummies, it generates huge mental stress. You need to find somewhere and somehow to get it out.

However he’s part right in the fact that no one else wants to hear it, and those of us working in corporate conditions where the rules and expectation is for you to be souless emotionally calm rational and logical at all times is hard to bear.

I’ll be expected to explain my refusal to fly in such a way next week, whereas really what I want to do is screaming at the top of my voice ” I’ve told you a thousand times I’m too shit scared to do it!!!”

The truth will come out. At some point in time. The important point for you to remember OP is that you know, within yourself, that you conducted yourself with integrity, honesty and with the best of intentions. With that, let others believe what they choose to believe, they will be corrected as and when the time is right and if their eyes and ears are open to the truth of the matter.

Ego is a drag at times 😉

If however you didn’t conduct yourself with the best intent, were not genuine and honest in your actions, then your receiving what is due 😀

I can hand on heart say I’m conducting myself with the best intent, even though it may be damaging to how others see me.

We aren’t designed to be emotionless dummies, it generates huge mental stress.

As much stress as chronic indecision? 🙂

The best of intentions for others and self I trust? In which case fair play.

I can relate in so far as an ex business partner, who was also within the same social circle, chose to project all of his traits to me and not holding back telling everyone within our social group. I chose not to retaliate or defend myself, particularly because I didn’t feel I had anything to defend. I chose to allow the others to make their own opinions of me and him and if they decided to view the world through his eyes, then there was no reason for me to associate myself with them anymore.

As it turns out, no one pulled him up on it and I’m still in contact with most of those who were privy to his outbursts.

We aren’t designed to be emotionless dummies, it generates huge mental stress. You need to find somewhere and somehow to get it out.

That’s what drink was invented for.

Hah. I wrote a big rant there. Then deleted it all just to be the bigger better person.

i am kinda in a situation where i am trying to be the bigger/better person.

my 78 yr old mother has been ill this week. got her medication mixed up and ended up in hospital. 3rd time this year.
i have 3 sisters, but i always seem to end up dealing with my mother.
i dont really speak to my sister other than when needed to about my mother.
partly my fault for being pig headed and stubborn. partly through them all being selfish women.
but this week i was unable to sort my mother, due to being laid up post op.
so i had to contact my niece via facebook. she got in touch with her mother and sorted my mother out.
i txtd my younger sister on monday about my mother, and to this morning she had not contacted anyone re my mother. so i phoned her and had a go at her about it.
my eldest alcholic sister is not answering the phone at all.

to say we are dysfunctional is a very big understatement.
i have just messaged, txtd and rang all three of them to try and arrange a meeting, to try and sort our differences and about the welfare of our mother.
hopefully they might agree, but i cant really see it happening.

I’m in a similar situation to you ton, doing everything for my mum despite having a brother and sister. But don’t beat up on yourself you are being,
The bigger/better person.

Houns, if you need a chat and still have my mobile number please use it. Email in profile otherwise.

Sounds like you need to offload too, just like you were there for me when you came down. I saw your reply on my thread btw, yep, a get together and a couple of drinks sounds good at some point.

i am kinda in a situation where i am trying to be the bigger/better person.

I’m struggling to think of any situation where you wouldn’t be the bigger person Ton 🙂

We aren’t designed to be emotionless dummies, it generates huge mental stress. You need to find somewhere and somehow to get it out.

See that, he’s spot on.

I’m off work just now have been for several weeks, one the causes identified in me healing so slow is I hide my emotions. I don’t let them come out and try to control the situation too much.

Damn straight @Drac. Emotions, attitude, gratitude, the power of positive thinking, always. Good stems from bad, every time.

Malvern Riders advice is semi rubbish.

We aren’t designed to be emotionless dummies, it generates huge mental stress. You need to find somewhere and somehow to get it out.

Agreed, – ie a via sport/physical activity and/or a (counsellor/stranger), someone impartial with a great deal of empathy via experience, or someone impartial with no cares or involvement other than to lend an ear. I’m v lucky to have a partner who is a (professional) counsellor when things are going off the rails. Other times, a trusted friend and a few beers and a good rant does the job, with proviso that it (the issue) ends there/ is resolved (or is about to be). Serial ongoing venting will backfire.

The harder part is having succesful confrontations/resolutions with those who help (often unwittingly) create the angst/injustice/misunderstandings. Sometimes it’s hard to identify people’s motives whn they have caused you conflict. Often they are selfish/careless, but not always. Sometimes we read it wrongly.

BTW I never suggested not venting, I suggest venting to the ‘right’ person. Put yourself in someone else’s ears first.

Anonymous forums are great for this 😉

My PM box/email likewise always open if OP wishes to vent and receive impartial and probably unqualified hounselling*

*SWIDT!

Come out for a ride/bimble/ pudcrawl with me and vent all you want.
I’ll not judge you or tell you to shut up. I’ll just be glad to see you out on a bike doing stuff that makes you forget about all the shit going on in your head.
You may get pissed off with all the shit that’s going on in my head though so it’s a fair swap. 😉
Emails in my profile and you know kind of where i live.

In a work situation, venting about your struggles when getting shit on, generally results in being side-lined and next for the shove when the opportunity comes, rather than being seen in a better light. One place in a badly managed project and tight deadlines, pressure and moaning from top and I had the audacity to explain the problems. Next thing I’m hauled up for being “uncooperative”.

Anyway, don’t have a desire to be the bigger/better person. I just want to get on with the life without idiots making it hell. In work, getting out of the permanent lifestyle has helped a lot. Sadly the government is determined to push me back into it. Still, I just think screw it and go ride bikes whenever I can.