Strange one this, etiquette wise.

Mate is getting sprung a surprise party for a significant year by his OH. She’s surreptitiously finding out who can and can’t make it.

I’d said yes- he’s a great lad- and she seemed pleased.

However, a formal invite has arrived to the do, and there within is a little note, asking me to contribute a sum of money (north of £10) for the buffet.

I’m assuming all other guests have also been asked to do this.

I don’t really mind, but a)they’re flush as b)have no kids and c)are both on great incomes. Really great….

Is this odd, or is just me? I’d planned on getting him some kind of pressie too.

Yes it sounds a little odd, but as you say that don’t really mind and he’s a great lad then I wouldn’t dwell on it. Have a nice time 🙂

Thanks Ernie!

Just remember to charge them for anything you give them anytime they visit you…. 😉

What a tightwad!

pay her in scottish notes

I’d be happy to contribute to a mates party, but bearing this in mind:

they’re flush, have no kids and are both on great incomes. Really great

…its a bit fookin’ rude!

I think if you are expected to pay for the grub then you have a right to complain if its crap!

Is this odd, or is just me?

Very odd!

We’ve helped out with food at parties – everyone bring a plate of butties/pudding – that sort of thing. But never been asked for cash.

£10 for a buffet would have me starved from the day before, and trousers with an elasticated waist to make sure I got my monies worth

sounds a bit off TBH but just stump up and go I guess. Deduct the £10+ from any gift you may have been thinking about giving though 🙂

It’s definitely weird and I suspect may derail the whole party as I would think that a lot of people will baulk at it and not go?

If he’s a good mate then I’d just pay and go as it’s not worth worrying over but I do think there’ll be diminished numbers when you get there.

Regarding the salary and income thing it’s always dangerous to make assumptions I think, you never know what people’s private circumstances are.

Hypothetically, maybe they have a sick close relative and are paying $$$$’s to look after them and so she can’t afford to fund the party?

More likely she’s just tight, but you see my point.

Have a great time! And forget about the £10*

*hand in an invoice for your ‘appearance fee’ at the end.

Just turn up and forget about the money

I went to a BBQ a while back where people were supposed to bring their own meat, hardly anyone did.

I wouldn’t be very happy with that. How about no tenner if you promise not to eat anything?

pay it, then at the party tell your mate the buffet wasnt worth the tenner you were all asked to pay for it.

Sit back and enjoy the free entertainment that ensues.

Bit bizarre, I always thought the unwritten rule was that you were either asked to bring a ‘dish’ with you or the host provided all the food – the upside being the host is generally left with a load of untouched bottles of wine, beer, etc. afterwards.

a)they’re flush as

You don’t get rich by spending your own money.

Thought this was going to be about his misses asking you to fund his naughty nose

I have a mate who does this, throws a BBQ 2 or 3 times a year and asks everyone to throw 20 into the kitty for it, thought it was bit odd the first time, but he does go to town a bit, get’s a load of Argentinian steak in and plenty of booze.

For a one off celebration, thrown by a partner for a special occasion, I would still see it as being a bit off.

She sounds like a right muppet. But its not the guy’s fault so just pay and go have a good time. I think your right in that it may put a lot of people off just for the rudeness of it.

Better be the best buffet ever. I’d be bringing a bag to ensure I get my fair share.

Think a photo of this buffet better be supplied.

Deduct the £10+ from any gift you may have been thinking about giving though

They’d end up owing me money.

Pretty odd IMO especially as there seem to be no mitigating circumstances.

But I would pay the tenner and have a good time. Life’s too short.

Just you wait till she sends you the present list!

Why not suggest you all pay in a bit more and have a free bar – Carnage 8)

It’s a bit odd but I would never turn upto a party empty handed and would usually offer to bring some food, so it’s no different in that way. It’s better than asking everyone to turn up at a restaurant, which might be one you don’t like or one of those god awful overpriced Michelin starred things that turns everyone into food ponces waffling on about purée’s and foams all night before you pay £100 and go home hungry. I wouldn’t take offence, it’s a party for a mate and these are two way events, as much for you as the recipient. If it’s not a close mate or an acquaintance then I’d consider if I really wanted to go and might politely decline, say I’m washing my hair or organising my DVD collection or something, and stay in and get a curry instead.

What ever you do, don’t pay her by pay pal gift then post that she’s robbed you of the buffet doesn’t arrive

pay it, then at the party tell your mate the buffet wasnt worth the tenner you were all asked to pay for it.

Chapeau! 🙂

I always thought the unwritten rule was that you were either asked to bring a ‘dish’ with you or the host provided all the food – the upside being the host is generally left with a load of untouched bottles of wine, beer, etc. afterwards.

Yeah, that’s how we roll. We do a couple of BBQs, it’s not a massive outlay unless everyone and their brother turn up. Not even that fussed about bottles being left over, just a nice surprise if there are any.

Have organised a celebration ceilidh in the past for significant birthday / wedding years for ourselves. Was catered, ceilidh band, hall hire; I guess it did all add up. Maybe she panicked at the cost of what supposed to start off as a ‘little do’?

Wouldn’t dream of asking folk to chip in though, despite being a Scotsman born in Aberdeen born to a Yorkshire lass..

*skip to the end*

Just make sure to fill your pockets with £10 worth of buffet.

the upside being the host is generally left with a load of untouched bottles of wine, beer, etc. Malibu, Campari, Stones Ginger Wine etc. afterwards.

Fixed 😈

Is she from a different cultural background?? Maybe its the done thing in her home country.

If not, then imho it is a very odd thing to do.

Did they charge for invites to their wedding???

ninfan –

the upside being the host is generally left with a load of untouched bottles of wine, beer, etc. Malibu, Campari, Stones Ginger Wine etc. afterwards.

Fixed [/quote]
We’ve got a can of Skol in the pantry still from two years ago. Not surprising it got left, I wouldn’t give it to the dog. And we haven’t even GOT a dog.

We’ve got a can of Skol in the pantry still from two years ago. Not surprising it got left, I wouldn’t give it to the dog. And we haven’t even GOT a dog

Pour it into part burried cans in the garden for drowning [i]scaring [/i] slugs.

It’s a bit odd but I would never turn upto a party empty handed and would usually offer to bring some food, so it’s no different in that way.

The difference is that’s you bringing a gift, not being asked for payment.

pondo – Member

We’ve got a can of Skol

dangeourbrain – Member

…for drowning scaring slugs.

I’ll give you £10 for it as we’ve got slug problem in our kitchen (I know), Paypal gift ok? Keep meaning to make Ladybadger watch Slither sometime just to freak her out a bit more…

Take along a bag of Greggs donuts and tell her that your buffet contribution.

I’ll give you £10 for it as we’ve got slug problem in our kitchen (I know), Paypal gift ok? Keep meaning to make Ladybadger watch Slither sometime just to freak her out a bit more…

It wouldn’t hugely surprise me to find that slugs spawn out of discarded (mostly full) cans of Skol. However, gift that tenner over and I’ll ignore you for a fortnight or more.

My useless contribution.

If they really are flush, then I reckon £10 is getting off lightly compared to you having to pay your own way at a restaurant she might otherwise have organised the party at, say.

Wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.