My wife has just said I can go and cycle the Tour Aoteroa route in NZ next Feb. Something I have been wanting to do since I cut short my Tour Divide trip in 2015. Trouble is and I wonder if any others on here given the same freedom find it as well. How do you head off for a month and enjoy yourself knowing the wife and daughter are back home carrying on as usual whilst you are seeing the most amazing sights and they are not?

On the other side I keep saying that my wife would never want to cycle tour and so if you don’t go alone you will never get to cycle tour?

Tricky one.

If they have a holiday in NZ at same time, maybe they could meet you at a couple of points

I’ve never done a month away. Two weeks max. I found it was OK as long as I was occupied.

My Missus went off to Nepal for the Everest Basecamp trek a couple of years after that – 3 weeks or so.

As you say, there has to be some space in the relationship to let you do the sort of adventures your partner doesn’t fancy.

I did a similar thing 11 years ago (cycling across Tibet and Nepal). I still get reminded although less frequently now, but it was worth it!

(She has since done a few short cruises with friends/family to redress the balance a bit)

What a great opportunity, it would be challenging to miss such a great adventure and an adventure your wife wants you to have too. Don’t look back wishing you’d have done it, that’s my opinion.

And what makes you think they’ll be “carrying on as usual”? 😉

trust me when I say that when you are there you wont be wondering what they are doing, you’ll be thinking of ways to move your family out there:-)

see you on the start line

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth!
Fwiw,I sometimes feel the “guilt” re time cycling.
I’d rather set an example of “dad the adventurer” than “dad’s on the sofa watching Netflix again”.
You’ll miss them ,they’ll miss you, but I reckon all your lives will be richer for you doing it.

see you on the start line

Feb 2017 or Feb 2018 start?

Some great thoughts there. “Dad the adventurer” rather than “dad’s on the sofa watching Netflix again”. I like that one. Very true too.

Would be great to check out NZ as well to see whether it would be a great place to live.

2018 start for the official tour aotearoa,

2017 and I’ll be there doing the Kiwi Brevet

and to add, last time I was there for three months on my own, got lonely at times but dont regret a single minute if it, saying that though my kids are/were all grown up and almost gone

I did contemplate waiting and doing the race, but racing is not my thing. There are a handful of people signed up to do an unofficial TA in 2017.

I do see where you are coming from though. You do need to take these opportunities as you never know what is around the corner.

I’m not racing, although its not a race as such, the Kiwi Brevet in 2015 started off at 40kph !

I find this very hard too. If I am not working, I feel like I should be working on the house, or or working on a project for future business ideas or take partner out. I feel like I can’t justify time to go mtbing, it feels very selfish. Last year I got about 3 rides in. This year none So far!!! I commute so ride nearly every day but feel guilty doing “proper” rides. I think it is exacerbated by the fact anything worth riding is 1hr away and really good stuff is more like 3hr away.

Just rendered did get one loop round a very shit local short loop this year ~1hr.

Having recently spent 7 weeks cycling in Kyrgyzstan and Pakistan and being firmly in the middle of the STW demographic (50), I would say take every chance to go somewhere amazing and go cycling.

As others have pointed out, what are you going to discover sitting on the couch watching TV….?!?!

OP, I seriously respect the fact that you’re thinking this way. Genuinely I do. But, you have the means to make it happen. You have an agreement to make it happen. You WILL regret it if you pass up the opportunity and that may even sour things down the line. Your kids will be fine. Your partner is clearly a level headed individual who recognises your desire to do “stuff”. There will be internet somewhere so you can check in. Just do it mate. You really do only live once.

Like The Brick I always feel bad chipping into family time for an MTB ride because there is always a load of other stuff to do including time with Mrs g-d and our boys. Same issues with location too.

BUT once I get out I switch off from that for a while, mainly because it’s often only one long weekend morning every 3-4 weeks.

In the op’s shoes I wouldn’t do it but I think that’s as much I wouldn’t have quite the strength of desire to do that kind of ride (and I really dislike long haul air travel!). I’d also miss my wife and kids too much – soppy wotsit that I am I have had enough of being away by about the third day.

Edit: op if it’s what you want to do then go for it if the family have blessed it. It sounds awesome.

s’good for the soul

we did some time apart the year before last (also NZ) and it’s great

Really annoying as the wife is great about it, but the youngest daughter who is 15 is the one giving me grief. Telling me I am selfish for going …

I know I should not listen as the same daughter was the one who stopped me accepting a job in Australia 2 years ago. Does not make it any easier though, especially, when you are an individual who likes to get consensus from all parties.

Wow can’t believe you are feeling like that! She says go, DO IT! You will only regret it in 2 years time if something happens (maybe financially or whatever) and you can’t do it!

Really annoying as the wife is great about it, but the youngest daughter who is 15 is the one giving me grief. Telling me I am selfish for going …

This sounds like a strange situation. If there isn’t some horrid underlying problem that needs teasing out here, I’d be inclined to point out to a 15 year old that the adults will sort this one out between them, and she is to behave herself and help her mother out in your absence…

I’m impressed with your wife. Giving you the time to do something like that must be somewhat tough, but it’s a wonderful opportunity and something you’ll regret passing up on.

🙂

I’d be inclined to point out to a 15 year old that the adults will sort this one out between them, and she is to behave herself and help her mother out in your absence…

Agreed. Something my wife and I should do more often. Sometimes feels like 15 year old runs the house and decisions that get made 🙁

I’d hesitate with my boys only being little but 15? I’d be telling the buggers to have moved out by the time I get back! (not really). They’ll be fine, crack on.

Seize the opportunity.

Perversely it’s more frustrating the other way around when your wife is the kind of person who wants to do the same kind of adventures as you do!

Id love to spend a few months of summer walking some continental long distance paths….but so would Mrs S. Since we have children, we can’t go as a pair, and despite normally being very generous to each other with our time, it would be v v selfish for just one to go leaving the other at home with Jrs for a whole season.

I’m resigned to having to wait until the boys can make their own beans on toast safely before I/We can leg it on a long jolly again. 11 more yrs and counting….

OP – I’d feel exactly the same. I felt guilty a week or so back when I took a day to drive to the Forest of Dean to go mountain biking.

However – now? Now it feels great to look back on the day as an adventure and a chance to do some proper riding.

Oh and my little trip is nothing compared to how you’ll feel after you’ve done this ride.

I say go for it and make sure you tell your Wife and family how grateful you are that they love you so much 8)

I think I’d be reminding the 15 year old how you support her with all the stuff she wants to do, and you expect the same in return.

We all want to set a good example to our kids – I’d say following your dreams and going on an adventure is a much better example to be setting than sitting on your arse watching TV.

I’d love to do something like that, but my kids (aged 6-9) are sucking up all our time and money with various things at the moment.
I will be redressing the balance when they are older though….

Go for it. Might be worth remembering to bring something back for your daughter though, to show her you were thinking of her while you were away being “selfish”

If your Mrs is happy do it. Has to be many aspects to life to make it happy same as in a relationship. People as in men or women who have no time to enjoy their passion in life tend to suffer from headaches from a big thumb crushing their head. If your beloved has a hobby you don’t enjoy she gets the next trip.

Go for it. I am – in my case I am doing The Pioneer.

These things need to be done to make life worth living. In my case Mrs S has not long got back from 7 weeks in Peru and Equador doing cool stuff while I was working so I am pretty guilt free for my month!! I have also left her for the odd couple of weeks to do BC Bike Race.

Yep there is some guilt but the life experience of doing these things and the well being that comes from them is great.

I think I’d be reminding the 15 year old how you support her with all the stuff she wants to do, and you expect the same in return.

Given I spend a a fair amount on her horse riding, I think that is a good counter argument to go back with. Trouble is, like most kids they think money grows on trees and fail to remember who goes to work everyday to earn it.

Currently contracting and have just posed the question to the client to see whether they are ok with me being off site for 4-5 weeks.

I know the feeling about travel guilt; I travel quite a bit with my job and when I have to stay over a weekend somewhere far away I feel guilt for planning my whole time riding!

But like others have said, sure you’ll miss each other and I agree with the statement that it builds the relationship bond. Certainly find that with my family anyway.

The only thing I miss when doing this type of thing is actually sharing the experience with someone, your own memories are great but when you share the experience it’s defintately a greater feeling and the years after. Take them with you and let them explore NZ as well, from the comfort of a camper van or something, your backup crew 😆 And your 15YO will probably come back with a different view on life 😉

Given I spend a a fair amount on her horse riding, I think that is a good counter argument to go back with

I share your pain – but in my case it is Gymnastics/Drama/Dance 🙄

Just wanted to post that I have just got back from cycling the Tour Aotearoa and if anyone is planning on racing in 2018 and has any questions then just drop me a message and I will try and answer or give my advice on it.

Personally I would be looking at a third option where you could do something adventurous but involve your family at some point. It doesn’t have to be a choice between solo bike adventure and do nothing.

So how was it @flanagaj? Hope all feelings of guilt left you and you enjoyed it.

You’ve been given your pass.. Use it or lose it. These opportunities don’t present themselves too often. Get your ticket booked before something gets in the way.

I think he’s just said he has used it 😉

Hope you had a fantastic time OP. Jealous? Moi?

Ha! I should really pay more attention to the dates in these posts! 😉

good for you OP!
Life is short, if you get given an opportunity – take it! 😀

@stwhannah – It was cracking. I will post a link this week to a write up along with photos.