1. My (male) lodger goes through toilet paper like it’s going out of fashion (I am a 4-sheets per “job” guy). What should I say? Just put the rent up and tell him why? I’ve just ordered 36 rolls from Sainsburys, maybe he’ll get the hint?

2. Shower gel is the Devil’s spunk, I like soap, but I’m celtic and tight…why is there nothing between cheap Boots crap and Body Shop, Lush et al?

3. There’s been a number of un-sinkables at cynic-al-towers lately, I don’t think they’re mine. How do I address this?

1. Get some of the skool tracing paper stuff in.
2. Shower Gel is the way forward.
3. Fish ’em out and put them on his window sill.

😯

Introduce more fibre into his diet.

Or laxatives?

MTFU and tell erstwhile lodger is out of order, come over all Mr Rigsby 😉

Rub his nose in it

3. Stick a flag on it and claim it for England (or scotland, or wherever).

al – you can’t economise on loo paper, get Andrex quilted when it’s on special offer and buy dozens of packs. Ignore any strange looks from check-out person.

soap – 4 bars for 99p – Palmolive or something. Again, watch out for special offers.

Your final point – change your diet, both of you!

Lush is indeed the devils work, my teenage daughter clogged the pipes up with it….. indeed 😐

And the shop stinks!

Take a picture of any good ones he does.

Upload them to ratemypoo.com

When they’ve had a decent amount of votes, show him how they’re doing. If they’re not doing too good, ask him to do better ones. If they’re doing well, tell him good job.

He will probably make sure they flush from then on.

Troll.

al – you can’t economise on loo paper, get Andrex quilted when it’s on special offer and buy dozens of packs. Ignore any strange looks from check-out person.

C_G – you missed out leaving the roll on top of the radiator for the full luxury experience

..unless of course you’re suffering from a touch of the Johnny Cash’s after a curry & beer night

Man up.

LOLs at realman, I have spent quite a bit of time on there.

cinnamon_girl – Member
al – you can’t economise on loo paper, get Andrex quilted when it’s on special offer and buy dozens of packs. Ignore any strange looks from check-out person.

soap – 4 bars for 99p – Palmolive or something. Again, watch out for special offers.

Your final point – change your diet, both of you!

1. I bought proper Ssainsways stuff.
2. it’s gash – I am looking to go upmarket.
3. In what direction? I get a lot of fibre.
4. When do we get to meet ❓

C_G – you missed out leaving the roll on top of the radiator for the full luxury experience

Oh yes, well spotted! 😀

I am looking to go upmarket

Good man, you Scots get pretty weather-beaten so need moisturising. 🙂

In what direction? I get a lot of fibre.

Less neeps and tatties!

When do we get to meet

Come to the Swinley Sexy Party! 😀

One up, one down and one to polish.

Swinely sounds awfy far awa…

Tell him his shit floats and he uses to much bog roll.
Place an spud gun in the lavy so he can sink the offending sub and fit a bottom washer or ration out the paper from under the door.

You could draw the queens bonce on each sheet and tell him every sheet he uses is a pound, his weekly butt de smearing allowance is £30. If he exceeds the allowance then he gets sand paper at 60grit.

Apologies turd-experts, when I typed “unsinkables” I meant “unflushables” – they sit there at the bottom of the u-bend, taunting me, but won’t leave!

I think it may the shape of the nose-cone, particularly aerodynamic, that allows water to pass over the jobby so easily.

I’m going to fish the next one out, take a cast of if and sell it to the RN submarine-design-division, and retire. If they don’t want the cast, I’ll send them the real thing.

cynic-al – Member
Apologies turd-experts, when I typed “unsinkables” I meant “unflushables”

In that case, he’s not getting enought fibre, more neeps and tatties!

Paper usage, is he a scruncher or a folder?

Shower Gel, there is nothing between cheap Boots crap and Body Shop because the distance between them is so small you couldn’t get a fag paper between them. Head upwards to Clarins for men, take stock then head even further up to L’Occitane, Penhaligans etc. Smelly loveliness 8)

No idea re paper usage bar it’s about a roll a week 😮

I hate shower gel.

Someone has a weird botty – maybe it’s me …

how do you get by with 4 sheets without a) risking finger-poke-through, and b) leaving a mucky bum?

DrJ soldiers do it with 1 sheet.

It’s easy, I get 5 wipes!

Are you one of those who uses about 25 hand towels to dry your hands? (presuming you wash them that is 😉 )

I always wash my hands, but I still prefer to avoid getting poo on them in the first place 🙂

One square I would struggle with, two is fine. Fold in half (so 1 square in size, but two thick). Wipe, fold, wipe, fold, wipe, check. If necessary, fold again and polish. Easy. 😳

en-suite

One square I would struggle with, two is fine. Fold in half (so 1 square in size, but two thick). Wipe, fold, wipe, fold, wipe, check

By my calculation at the end of that process you’re wiping with a piece of shitty tissue that is quarter of the size of a sheet. If your arse is bigger than Kate Moss’s I would seriously hope you wash your hands well 🙂

So, you are counting this guys loo roll sheets. It’s a slippery slope mate, and it finishes with you sneaking into his room at night to watch him sleep…

cynic-al – Member
DrJ soldiers do it with 1 sheet.

Pah – real soldiers use vaseline and NO sheets.

cynic-al – Member
No idea re paper usage bar it’s about a roll a week

I hate shower gel.
But soap is bad for the skin – it dries it out too much.

Pah – real soldiers use vaseline and NO sheets

The only thing I remember from Latin classes is that ancient Romans used a rag soaked in vinegar on the end of a stick . That’s gotta sting 🙁

There’s been a number of un-sinkables at cynic-al-towers lately, I don’t think they’re mine. How do I address this?

With a sticky lable as I suspect just writing on it will knacker your biro.

Out of interest who are you going to post it to?

a roll a week

the would be FIL uses a roll a go – some times that is 3 a day!! 😯

3. Is it floating or sinking? If its floating your lodger has a good diet, if its sinking more fibre and general better diet. Or invite Gillian McKeith round for ‘professional’ poo advice.

Oh yeah bog role – are your carpets and walls stained yellow?

Four sheets per job…? Just done some testing and I average 4 to 5 sheets per wipe, and approx 5 wipes per job. Average of 3 jobs per day. With approximately 240 sheets on a roll that’s a roll every three and a half days. A roll a week sounds very reasonable to me!

My thoughts…

The toilet paper issue needs to be raised. You either educate him in a more efficient practise or buy your own rolls. When you point out that you’re going through more than twice as much as usual and that it can only be his technique suggest that you either charge him a small amount extra, or you have your own individual supplies.

I assume you don’t share soap? I can’t offer any comment, I like Simple and its not expensive.

Logs – tricky, I think you’ll just have to learn to live with it, its one of the things you have to put up with sharing a hosue with someone else. He pays to live there so thats one of his rights.

On the TP issue… maybe you could demonstrate your superior technique to him and encourage him to give it a try? Or maybe find an instructional army clip on youtube? Either that or encourage him to deposit his logs at work.

@mrblobby – now I know why you chose your screen name 🙂

Thanks all…I think the answer is to design and install locked bog-roll holders so he becomes aware of the errors of his ways, if he fails to do so after a meeting to disuss same, he will have to pay for his own.

In all seriousness I am getting an ensuite so he can ultimately deal with it.