If your mum has become very different in behaviour in the last couple of years might be worth a word with a doctor or the althimer society to see if she has any signs of onset. If so, then her behaviour may be beyond her control or recognition.
""you owe your life to your parents no matter how much of a pain they can be." "No matter how annoying they can be you can only miss them. So grow up and appreciate them."
Sorry but this is rubbish, ignorant and insulting. Parents have kids because they want kids, if they were doing it 'all for the child' and not for their own needs and interests they would adopt disadvantaged children instead.
I stopped seeing my parents when I was in my late 20's. They were verbally abusive, domineering and used quite brutal blackmail to get what they wanted. One of the highlights was when my mum tried to arrange to have the family dog put down as a punishment for me not doing what she wanted, which was to promise I would never marry. My dad told me that no one would ever want me.
People who have good family relationships just don't get that some parents behave to adult children in the same manner as hostile/controlling spouses behave towards their abused and beaten wives - that wining and control is everything and love is utterly conditional on doing what the controller wants and what is good for them.
People always blame the kids for family breakdown and tell them they are bad people. They don't stop to find out what hell some people get from abnormally domineering families. If parents make your life hell, walk away. I wish I had gone years earlier, I was a fool not to cut them off. I feel a huge loss for the relationships my family could have had - but which they threw away rather than meet any of the compromises/discussions/negotiations I offered before I walked away.
My life is so much better now that I have nothing to do with them.
Would you advise a woman to stay with an abusive partner, saying its her duty to have abuse screamed at her or to be threatened physically? So why tell any offspring that it is a duty to be treated as badly by an obsessive parent?
Why condemn any kid for wanting to be treated with a normal human level of love and respect and pat bad parents on the back for 'doing so much' for their child?