druidh, are you, erm, posed? next to the entrance to your secret underground hideaway?
Asking permission from the father in law to be...
Good luck mate, I for one would ask my gfriends father. Its probably seen as old fashioned but its nice.
yes but going back far enough, owning your bride to be with a club (hence the modern use of the term "wooden" to refer to bad suspension) and carrying her back to your cave was acceptable.
So actualy the OP's question is quite foreward thinking, in a neaderthal kind of way.
Totally agree with asking him: nothing wrong with a bit of tradition. When I did the same with then GF's FIL he was very chuffed, but knew it was coming because my then GF had teed him up for it.
BUT, it is the 21st century so you absolutely need to propose to your GF first, get her acceptance, then ask the FIL. I think your GF would be very pi**ed off if you went behind her back. She should be the first to know. What happens if your FIL is talking to her 10 mins after your conversation with him and spills the beans?
I'm amazed that so many people ask the father. Perhaps it relates to the age and status of the woman concerned. I'd left home long before anyone proposed, my father had Alzheimer's when my 1st husband did it, and was dead long before my fiance popped the question. Well, we sort of agreed over a pint it would be nice to get married some time...
As a mother of a 12 year old, I'm beginning to see that some time in the future there will be spotty oiks hanging around my lovely child and not looking forward to it. But the one that wants to actually marry her will be the least of my worries. I hope by then she'll be old enough to know her own mind.
What happens if your FIL is talking to her 10 mins after your conversation with him and spills the beans?
My dad did that with my sister... basically what happens is that it's hilarious for everybody other than him!
Arent those people slating asking for permission a bit hypocritical. They are calling it an outdated tradition, but isnt the act of marriage based on a tradition?
I started going out with my girlfriend at 15, her parents basically brought me up as my parents moved away. I asked her dad if i could marry her when i was 24 and we have been married for 10yrs this year. Her mum even went with me to collect the ring before we flew off on holiday where i planned to ask her.
I have respect for her family and tradition so i made sure i did things properly. Maybe thats one of the reasons why i feel that the vast majority of marriages are a sham imo and all about the day rather than the strong foundations they should be about.
I grew up with my wife, i have spent my entire adult life with my wife and i plan to die beside my wife. I found that recent story about the old couple with cancer who went away to die together amazing. Its how i would like to go (Without the cancer!)
when my dad first asked my grandpa the answer was no. he was informed that he should get a better job and then come back and ask again, which he duly did.
i think it's a nice tradition but understand that some people see a negative connotation to it. I fully intend to ask my gf's dad as and when.
I asked on the basis I knew it was a done deal anyway and I knew they'd not have a problem, but for some people it's just a nice thing to do. I'm sure if he'd been a gruadnog reading chinless get he'd have then sat me down and warned me I was subverting Emily Pankhurst or something, but he's a rock hard sun reading warehouse man who believes Elvis is still alive. And he loved it.
My approach - went over to their house. Whilst her dad and step mum were in the kitchen, we wandered in together and I said "got any big hats, and what you like at knitting, grandad?". My wife was pregnant, see. And it was Blackpool so that was the local equivalent of my being Walter Raleigh in a puddle challenge. They were chuffed to bits and it felt really nice.
Done... and he said yes no problem, been expecting it for a while!
Said i didn't have to ask but he respected me more for doing it. No as bad as i expected i kinda just blurted out " do i have your permission to marry your daughter" then kinda explained it a bit better.
He laughed and said what happens if she says no.....
Cheers all though! For future refrence id definetly advise people to ask
Well done mate now for the hard part asking your Gf if she wants to marry you............. Good Luck
I asked by phone as my fater-in-law (to be) was flying to Canada the next day for a 6 month work trip! Otherwise I'd have asked in person.
ring, ring, rind ,ring...."sorry we're not in at the moment but if you'd like to leave a message after the tone we'll get back to as soon as we can..........beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!"
"hi grandad..................................iiiz gotta do the right thing... and in the next few months before shes fat........errrrr.... we think 12 thou should cover it.. ....errrrr.... errrrr...we weren't gonna say owt about it to you and just nip off and do it on the sly like, but...........errrrrrrrrrrrrrr, i've just lost me job and spaffed all my cash on a new bike, errrrrrr anyway, errrrrrrrr ......ummmmmmm *uncomfortable silence...* hey, if it's a boy we're gonna name it after you, that ok isn't it?, anyway let me know when you need more details..can't chat now as i'm off for a ride...cheers...."
Right quick update for you all!
Question asked on Saturday, on one knee as well, and the reply was yes
So now she starts planning! Wedding mag already bought....Wedding fares planned..Where have my Sunday rides gone?
I've started practicing the "yessssssss dear"
Don't forget to shave the small patch on your forehead for the thumb-print.
Congratulations Phil. Hope you will both be very happy and long-wed.
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