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Are you this Dad?
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wwaswasFull Member
Grayson Perry wrote this in his autobiography.
We walked down a steepish tarmac road at the weekend and there were two dad’s and two kids riding down. One of the kids was throwing his bike on the ground in frustration, saying he was going to walk down. His dad was dismissive, pointing at other kid ‘she’s riding down’ and went off without him, stopping about 50m further down when it was clear the kid was going to walk. We went past the kid and when I got to the dad I said ‘his front brake’s disconnected and the rear one looks like it’s not going to work’ the dad said ‘I know’, looked away and carried on waiting for the boy. When we got to the girl who’d also stopped to wait she had a new bike with workign brakes.
I just felt so sorry for the boy, given a crap bike and expected to ride down a hill I wouldn’t tackle without decent brakes and then told off by his dad when he struggled.
oldtalentFree MemberSounds crap to have kids, they slow you down. Glad I dont have any 🙂
leffeboyFull MemberYep, people don’t seem to get it. They get their kids something heavy that barely works and wonder why they don’t ride it :(. Often all is takes is a small bump up in price to get something that looks great and they want to ride
Got my daughter a Trek Skye and it was a brilliant move. Gets ridden all the time now
wwaswasFull Memberthey slow you down
And then one day you’re slowing them down and it suddenly feels like you’ve passed the baton on.
Which not only makes you feel a bit old but gives you a warm glow inside that you know will last the rest of your life.
binnersFull MemberSeeing as I’m the perfect parent*, heres how to do it….
Decent bike + accessorised with pink stuff + usual leisurely pace + Camelback full of fizzy pop, crisps and chocolate = big grins 😀
* I’m not
wwaswasFull Memberbinners 🙂
although I got vertigo as I scrolled the page past that image, I thought I was falling over.
leffeboyFull MemberCamelback full of fizzy pop
That sounds like it could go badly wrong 🙂 – top dad work there
aracerFree MemberNot me – I ride a unicycle when I go riding with my kids, so it’s just as hard for me!
theredFull MemberNo and if you ever hear of me behaving this way you can punch me.
IMO this is bullying and to be bullyed by the people who should protect you above anything else is a disgrace.
richardthirdFull MemberNot me, but it’ll likely be Friston and I do ride there with my boy. I’m not quite such a **** though!
He’s quite handy on an mtb is Grayson.
epicsteveFree MemberAt that age my son was a proper kamikaze pilot and would have a go at riding anything – sensible or not! So it was quite the reverse – me trying to manage him riding stuff that was suitable for his capabilities etc.
mr-potatoheadFree MemberIt’s not just dads , I took a woman out riding as she was getting her confidence back after splitting up with her boyfriend. She had a Halfords £200 bike with rim brakes and he had taken her round kirroughtree on it .I told her I would have shart meself.
falkirk-markFull MemberPartly. I remember telling him to pedal his bike up to spooky wood and stop pushing (it wasn’t a shit bike it was a trek 4400). Think he is glad for it now he’s quite active (still bikes though he nicks mine now) and a tech in the RAF.
sssimonFree MemberNot that Dad but my wife is a bit short in the patience department when we take the kids out cycling, have to remind her that they have tiny wheels and fairly short attention spans.
zigzag69Free MemberDecent bike + accessorised with pink stuff + usual leisurely pace + Camelback full of fizzy pop, crisps and chocolate = big grins
Aye, but what about your daughter?
BillOddieFull MemberYou just have to remember that when you’re riding with your kids it’s about them not you.
If they have an awesome time, you’ll have a an awesome time too.
That and haribo.
dirkpitt74Full MemberHad a similar thing a couple of months back.
Two dad’s & their lads came past me on a section of trail (I’d stopped for a drink).
They all went tearing off and the one lad looked like he was having an issue., further down the trail I came across the lad with his chain jammed up and his rear mech not looking too healthy.
Stayed for a few minutes to see if I could bodge it and try to get him going but had limited tools with me and he had none.So as he starts walking up the trail I tootle off and see Dad & others sitting there at the start of the next section looking at their watches chunnering to each other.
I pointed out that they might want to walk back and help him as he has a mechanical.
Good job he hadn’t injured himself and there’d been no one else around – how long would they have waited to go back for him??
If I’m out with my kids we stay together and go as slow as they like – no way would I belt off up the trial and leave them.
giantalkaliFree MemberBPW, some slippery-ass rooty section, rainy, dark and nasty. Dad and two kids all on decent bikes but one kids was left struggling about 200m behind. He was cheerful enough, but it was a pretty treacherous section to leave a 8 yr old alone on.
Probably a stepchild.
joemmoFree Membernot that dad but have been guilty of encouraging daughter to go for a longer ride than she really wanted to or was capable of. First half went great, second half, despite liberal sweets and pop ended in tears and rescue by car.
There’s a line between encouraging kids to test themselves and being a bastard. Fortunately its a broad line and you ought to know when you are crossing it.
weeksyFull MemberNo, i am 100% determined not to be that parent and anyone who’s ridden with me and my lad will vouch for this. We have a very very simple rule, if he stops enjoying it, we stop doing it.
I’d say he’s currently in partial retirement from MTBing as he stopped feeling it… About 4 weeks after i bought him the Whyte T403 actually LOL.scudFree MemberNot mountain biking but one of the funniest sights (for us) i’ve seen was on a bank holiday, with great weather a lady stuck halfway across Crib Goch with a queue of people behind waiting to get across the ridge, just shouting to her fella “this might be your idea of f**kin fun, but it’s not my idea of f**kin, you can stick Snowdon up yer a**e you f**ker” at the top of her voice!
edlongFree MemberYep, people don’t seem to get it. They get their kids something heavy that barely works and wonder why they don’t ride it :(. Often all is takes is a small bump up in price to get something that looks great and they want to ride
Got my daughter a Trek Skye and it was a brilliant move. Gets ridden all the time now
All true, but it’s really not about the bike – I’ve seen kids having a great old time on BSO £75-from-Sports-Direct shitters, but also the above described scene with kids on decent, expensive bikes.
aberdeenluneFree MemberWitnessed a similar type of thing at a kids play park. Dad pushing son on swing. The boy was around 6. Dad shouting to son now legs straight out going forward hard back when reversing. The kid was slow to respond. Dad gets angry and starts shouting at the kid “I’m telling you how to do it why aren’t you doing what I tell you, you’ll never learn”.
I thought to myself if I ever do that shoot me.
thisisnotaspoonFree MemberTBH I kinda wish my parents had been a little more pushy. I was into loads of sports as a kid like sailing, rugby, cycling, orienteering, and living in North Wales there were more opportunities for all those than you could shake a proverbial stick at. But for the most part I was just left to get on with it and do whatever I liked (on my own seeing as we lived in the sticks).
I do wonder if I might actually have been good at rugby, cycling or sailing, rather than average if I’d been dragged out to a club for training every week rather than just for fun.
There’s a line between encouraging kids to test themselves and being a bastard. Fortunately its a broad line and you ought to know when you are crossing it.
Having tried to cajole my nephew into cycling (he enjoyed it but didn’t stick with it). I came to the conclusion that sometimes between being a kid and a teenager or adult some people learn that ‘fun’ isn’t necessarily handed to you on a plate in the form of a brightly coloured toy or video game.
Those that get it; go on to do outdoorsy sports through their adult lives.
Those that don’t; join gyms and see it as a necessary evil to meet other ends (looking good, staying healthy for the sake of it), join 5-a-side leagues, or go for one afternoon’s surf lesson on a stag do (instant gratification, low barrier to entry sport).
jimfrandiscoFree Memberif he stops enjoying it, we stop doing it.
Can this also please be applied to me on my saturday morning group rides.
wheelyFree MemberNow that my son is beating me at XC (& I’m not slow), I’m now the one crying half way up the hill !!!!! That’s my comeuppance for being a tough dad 😉
jam-boFull Memberi went with my son to watch the kids race at the local CX race.
it was an eyeopener..
BigJohnFull MemberI believe in the Carrot and Stick approach.
First hit them with the stick, then hit them with the carrot.
cubistFree MemberMy 11yr old son is a dedicated coach potato with a love of computer games and a real lazy streak. He’s also particularly fond of helping himself to food. The upshot is we had an episode in the summer where he admitted to me he felt uncomfortable about playing in the pool with the other kids as he was to fat.
This was heartbreaking as a dad so I promised him we’d work together to make him feel positive about himself. I suggested we go cycling together. He said he’d prefer to run. That was the wrong answer but I wanted him to lead so running it was.
The thing is the first attempt he gave it his best for all of 45 seconds and then wanted to go home. When I pointed out we haven’t reached the end of our road he went full on stroppy teenager. He proceeded to pant and wheeze like he was having a seizure, whinging and crying, claiming I was going to injure him or he was going to collapse. Now I know my son and this was all for effect as he wanted to get back to the TV. I pushed him round and forced him to finish. To any onlooker would have looked like such an arsehole.
However, the next time it was a bit better and the time after that it was OK and afterwards he thanked me for making him do it and now a few weeks down the line he’s feeling far more confident and happy added to that he is physically healthier.
I guess my point is that in some cases what may look like a pushy dad is actually a dad doing the best they can for their kid, admittedly not always but you can’t judge without all the evidence.
ransosFree MemberConversation with my daughter, cycling to school this morning:
“I think I’ll be quicker than you dad, when I’m older”
“Probably”
“Maybe when I’m 7 or 8?”.She could be right.
daernFree MemberI was once out cycling with my family and as we approached the end of the ride (on the Manifold Trail in Derbyshire) we passed another family parked up at the side of the trail. The youngest daughter, around 6 years old, was off the bike with her arms folded and Dad was remonstrating with her:
“Look, just man up and get back on the bike!”
As we passed, my kids turned to me and, almost in unison said, “Oooh, look Daddy, he sounds just like you!”
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OK, so I am “that dad” and a bit of a pushy parent when it comes to cycling. I expect a lot from my kids, especially my son. I know what his capabilities are and I’ve got a really good idea of how far I can push him when he’s out riding and at what point he’ll have had enough. It’s a tough balance, but I am pretty sure that I get it right more often than I get it wrong. Being brutal, kids are lazy and would much prefer to sit on the sofa than exercise, but with a bit of encouragement they can learn about the deep joy that comes from hard, physical exertion and conquering a challenge that most people wouldn’t think of doing.
So yes, you will sometimes see us riding up a steep hill, 50 miles into a ride, with my son in tears, bellowing obscenities at me, while I tell him to “man up and push harder for the top!” but I do it because I know that he can do it, and I know he’ll be glad that I did. And you know what, when he goes into school the next day, it’ll be all he wants to talk about.
And then, sometimes, like last Sunday when in the last 5 miles of a pretty tough endurance event we hit the hardest possible terrain (moorland, thick mud and ruts), he suddenly exploded into life and was riding so quickly I couldn’t keep up. When we reached the end of the moor, I admitted that I wasn’t sure he’d be able to ride it and he replied that he wanted to go back and ride it again. Thirty minutes later, as we rode the last mile of the ride (up a monstrous bloody hill to the finish too!) he turned to me and said “Dad, I love doing these rides with you because you make it so much fun”, I might have got a little bit of a fly in my eye and had to turn away to get it out again…
For those that don’t have kids, I don’t blame you for being glad you have the freedom to ride where you want at whatever speed you want to go at, but for those that do choose to ride with their kids, you’ll probably understand that nothing you’ll ever do yourself on a bike will compare with watching your own child master their own.
I’m going to go and get this bloody fly out of my eye now.
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