Just had another argument with the wife regarding getting the kids to do anything. The eldest (12) does sod all… Except play station which he can easily spend 16 hours straight on!
The little un (5) is a bit better but is fast shaping up the same with the telly and iPad.
I’ve tried with bikes, scooters, skateboards, climbing, football, tennis, fishing…. And on and on but it always fades away pretty quickly.
At 40 I obviously never had smart phones, computers, iPads or even 4 channels on the telly when I was 12 and seemed to find an infinite amount of things to do even when raining and to be fair was not alone in this as most other kids had the same ideas and interests.
So… After talking to a mates wife who openly admitted she was a pushy parent who did a bit more than gently encourage her two girls to do activities I am thinking that perhaps I should take the same stand? The wife completely disagrees and thinks they will only do what they are interested in but is it not a bit like trying new food? i.e.yuck I’m not eating that then after a couple of times actually they kind of like it. It can’t go on like this tbh otherwise they will loose out somewhere I’m sure of this?
So… Pushy or not.

17 and a 15 year old here. When they were younger we went walking, cycling, camping, kayaking, festivals, active holidays and abroad every year plus skiing from a young age etc.
Now they barely go out the house

Mrs Surfer and I are generally quite our doorish and I love to be out running walking or at least outdoors! They would happily spend the whole weekend not going over the door! I find it incredibly frustrating

My parents were not sporty at all, but they made sure we tried a lot of sport as kids. We swam first, we played cricket with the neighbourhood kids anyway, we were introduced to tennis by our parents, and we also had a range of sports through school.

We weren’t pushed to play but we all were pretty competitive so once we started playing competition we were all hooked. If your kids don’t have that competitive streak then perhaps introduce them to more “fun” sports and see how they like those instead? Also, your parents’ reaction to your achievements is huge when you’re young. I remember hating the look on my parents’ faces if I’d lost a match. Are you keeping a brave face on when they give up? The way you react will have a huge impact positively or negatively.

There is nothing wrong with not liking sport as long as they are healthy. If they like computers and the like then maybe you are better off teaching them how to program, or something that appeals to them more?

That’s just kids in general if you ask me, mine wasn’t interested in football anymore , I stuck him in a competitive league and he loves it again, he really got into skateboarding too but did that on his own with no push at all from us , he wants to take up dh this year in the summer

I give him a nudge every now and then but I know I’m wasting my time unless I get some enthusiasm from him

My 11 yo would stay in and play Minecraft/Garry’s Mod all day, every day if we let him. So, we tend to let him play on the computer on Saturdays (to be fair, he is playing online with several of his friends, so at least there is a bit of social activity going on) and then on Sunday we make sure we get him out.

All kids are different though. My 8 yo likes trampolining, gymnastics, swimming, riding her bike and doesn’t have to be forced outdoors.

Laddo (9) is currently entrenched in his room on the Xbox. However, he only got the tv and Xbox 2 weeks ago for his birthday, (Xbox he bought with his own money) and it was under the strict premise that when we said off it goes off. We’re off out geocaching shortly which they both enjoy.
I can imagine it being hard to find something they both enjoy with that age gap tho.
A pushy parent in my opinion is someone who gets the kids to do sport etc that they don’t particularly enjoy.

My parents were not at all sporty, and I hated sports at school to the point where if I hear people talking about forming a team at work I walk off. However, they did encourage me to go to cubs then scouts, and I then went on to venture scouts. Now that I’m past 45 from what I can tell from former school friends I’m one of the only ones to do any regular exercise – bike riding 🙂
From what I can see , all you can do is give them opportunities, and see where it goes.

A pushy parent in my opinion is someone who gets the kids to do sport etc that they don’t particularly enjoy.

Yes and as a keen runner I have never tried to get my kids to do that or anything they dont enjoy. My eldest is a very good swimmer but that has gone now and junior comes to the rugby with me but as long as they do something then that’s fine. Unfortunately neither of them get any physical activity really.

I feel your pain. My 9 year old son is quite happy to spend all day playing on the xbox or watchin tv. We have tried rugby, cycling, football, kayaking, running, karate, boxing but he loses interest after 1 or 2 sessions. He does enjoy going to the swimming baths but more for the slides and diving boards than actual swimming. We always go for a walk once a week as a family which he does enjoy once he gets out. Plenty of moaning beforehand though.

Don’t worry too much about the computers they do grow out of them. my eldest spent about 4 years in his bedroom on Xbox and I despaired at times, but once he hit uni that all stopped (mainly replaced by drinking games)and he has a great social life that no longer involves communicating via a microphone.
Youngest just turned 14 and is talented at a wide range of sports (not cycling unfortunately), he gets a bit too familiar with the Xbox in winter but that all changes once the cricket season starts.

My 3yr old has just finished his second Novel.

or even 4 channels on the telly when I was 12

C4 launched in 1982 when you were 8.

My Dad spent the whole of his weekend travelling the North taking my brother and I to cricket – simply to make sure we didn’t end up tossing it off sitting on the local bus stop sniffing god know’s what.

43 now, my kids are 17 and 21, both were sporty but then found boyfriends so now sit around texting all the time. I find myself saying and doing exactly the same things my Dad did to me thirty or so years ago. If I could bring mine up, and offer them the same as my parents did for me, I’d be a proud and lucky man.

Both are at college and both have part-time jobs, luckily they don’t really watch TV but make up for it with their Ipads and mobiles though!

aP – Member

My parents were not at all sporty, and I hated sports at school to the point where if I hear people talking about forming a team at work I walk off. However, they did encourage me to go to cubs then scouts, and I then went on to venture scouts. Now that I’m past 45 from what I can tell from former school friends I’m one of the only ones to do any regular exercise – bike riding
From what I can see , all you can do is give them opportunities, and see where it goes.

Very similar only I enjoyed Rugby & Athletics @ school

Totally agree with the “giving them opportunities” philosophy. Since the daughter started big school in September she has really taken to sport, so far with the pinnacle being qualifying for the county cross country trials in a week or so’s time, not bad when she’s never ran before. Unfortunately it does eat into homework time tho. I will continue to support her through all the sports and go and watch whenever I can, something my parents didn’t do which still bugs me to this day.

Stopping too much screen is not being a pushy parent. It is basic good parenting.
Ours saw an hour of Olympics today, then have been out with all sorts happening. They have been poorly behaved, so any further screen is banned today. This does not mean it has been taken on the chin – we have had strops and arguments over it.
You are the parent. Act like you are in charge and take on the battle, because you know long term it is good for them.

Just had another argument with the wife regarding getting the kids to do anything. The eldest (12) does sod all… Except play station which he can easily spend 16 hours straight on

Take it off him and do something more worthwhile together, its east, expect a few moans, but exert some parental discipline.

Very non-pushy parents for me, I never got to do anything except Cubs till I was mid teens, didn’t learn to swim till I was 12.

Adopted the attitude that ours could try anything but only do 3 activities a week due to time and budget. MCJnr is 10, swims with a local club one session a week, Cubs once a week, tennis (to a very poor standard) once a week, and has passed his Grade 2 flute, now teaching himself keyboard. Everything apart from starting swimming was his own idea through chance

LittleMissMC is 7, still learning to swim, does gymnastics and will be doing Brownies once a week. Trys to copy her brother on the keyboard, did a 4 mile ride with me this morning.

Both will flop in front of telly/games but like to do other stuff with mates which gets them moving.

Will all change when the hormones kick in.

We’re very pushy but have an agenda, were both realistic how much better a disabled person needs to be so they can get a job. Sad but true.

would not equate pushy (which is steering into stuff kids have no interest, ability or aptitude for) with as matt e.g. above says, which is proper parenting.

compromise? bargain? e.g. walk along the beach == ice cream, or 30 mins of Xbox?

ours have prob. more screen time than i’d be comfortable with, but they are coerced (their words) or encouraged strongly (that’s ours) into music lessons, orchestra, rangers, walks, DofE, choir — so feel OK about the screen time.

Thare are blowouts and blowups and strops though (and that’s us).

I think my kid has a good balance, he does love the xbox and those cruddy “comedy”Youtube videos that all the nippers seem to love for some unknown reason! But he plays football with the school, does sports events for “gifted &talented” kids (cripes, that must come from his mother’s side!) and played both rugby and football today. soon as hes back in the house its back on the little screen, headphones on, but I think hes earned it!