AS the obesity epidemic spreads, boffins predict that by the year 3050 human beings will have overtaken the blue whale as the largest mammal on earth.
Forget rising sea levels – the human race will already have drowned in a sea of lard, grease and chip fat as we waddle our way to a self-inflicted Armageddon.
Meanwhile, an army of gurus, quacks and false prophets are laughing all the way to the bank as they climb the soap box (or should that be the biscuit tin?) to tell us the best way to lose weight before our collective mass throws the earth out of orbit and we spiral uncontrollably into the freezing abyss of space.
One of the solutions some advance to combat our expanding girth is cycling.
Dear God. No.
Let’s face it, cyclists are a nuisance and should be banned from the roads immediately.
I would rather see more fat people than cyclists.
What is it about climbing into a saddle that suddenly causes human beings to abandon common sense, reason and common courtesy? Is there some hidden property in Lycra that turns people into complete prats?
Are those shorts so tight they cut off the oxygen supply to the brain? I’ve lost count of the times these muppets have nearly mown me down on the Sabrina Bridge.
Now, in the interests of fairness, they are riding on a cycle lane and they have every right to be there.
But it’s like they think they’re Bradley Wiggins.
On the road they behave like spoiled brats, breaking every rule motorists are forced to slavishly obey – or risk having their licence taken off them.
In the last week I’ve seen a cyclist ride at full speed across a zebra crossing without looking before flipping the finger at a helpless driver who had to anchor on to avoid knocking the idiot off his bike.
I would have been tempted to put my foot down.
They regularly go through red lights or ride two abreast as if to deliberately obstruct drivers.
The rules just don’t apply to these “lycra loonies” as one of our readers dubbed them.
While we’re on the subject we should also ban horses from the roads.
“Horses were there first” someone will whinge. Yes they were. So was feudalism.
What’s your point again? If cyclists want to ride I suggest they talk to India. They have a burgeoning space programme. I hear Mars is nice at this time of year.
By James Connell of the Worcester Evening News.
Not so much that this idiot thinks that he can get away with his provocative persona at a local newspaper level (he's not Jeremy Clarkson is he now!), but that he is allowed to voice this tripe... Discuss...
Oh, and his email address is freely available on the website if you click on his name... Not suggesting anyone should use it as they see fit, but well...